Our First Weekend Away

Since I became pregnant with Matthew, we have basically hunkered down and not traveled too far away. Once I hit week 13 in the pregnancy, we didn't venture anywhere! So you can imagine how I was a little nervous to up and leave our house for the weekend! Not only was I nervous, but I was dreading packing for Matthew. I know exactly what Michael and Claire need and packing for them is a breeze. But packing for a baby!! It has been so long and I was worried that I wouldn't bring everything for Matthew. But soon, all my fears were diminished and we were on our way to visit Damien's family. The weekend was great and all the kids did well. The only hiccup was that because Matthew slept so soundly on the 2 hour car drive, he temporarily mixed up his nights and days which led to some really long hours walking in circles in the middle of the night.

It was nice to be away from our house. I felt in a way that I was finally released from the crazy circumstances surrounding the pregnancy. Finally being able to travel cut any remaining ties that held me down and I felt free again!!

The weekend was packed full of fun family events. We celebrated Marlene's birthday, partied with our darling niece Megan as she turned 1, and just enjoyed being surrounded by family. It was wonderful for us and even more wonderful for our kids who had been troupers during the long pregnancy! I know they were thrilled to finally get away for a while. Some of the highlights of the weekend were: Damien's sister, Heather, buried a treasure for all her nieces and nephews to uncover and Michael in particular was blinded by the wonder of it all. While we there, were also able to introduce Matthew to Damien's grandparents, which in itself was a thrill. We met Damien's sister, Rosie's fiancé- as they were swinging through California from their home in Nebraska. And lastly, we got to see little Megan as she celebrated her first birthday and immersed herself in her little birthday cake.

It was wonderful to get away for a while. And although I had some minor anxiety about leaving home and bringing everything I needed for Matthew, all went well. I guess I am not as rusty in the baby department as I think.

St. Patrick's Day 2007

Until I met Damien, St. Patrick's Day never really held any meaning to me. Truthfully, I always found it an annoying holiday because truthfully, finding something green to wear was next to impossible for me. I never really gravitated to the color green and the thought that someone would pinch me for not wearing it, seemed . . . . well, silly. But all of this changed after meeting Damien (who is obviously Irish), after realizing that his Mom's birthday is on St. Patrick's Day, and considering that Michael is a red head who I've been told, 'Wears the map of Ireland on his face'. So, chalk on up for good St. Patrick- for he now has a small place in my heart.


We ventured up to Damien's parents house this past weekend where all of the siblings gathered to celebrate his Mom's birthday. It was a lot of fun to see everyone and also spend the night away from our house for the first time in 8 months. We haven't left home since August because of the pregnancy and it was a welcome change to get away for a while. It was also nice to introduce Matthew to Damien's siblings and his grandparents.


On St. Patrick's Day, we all went to a lovely restaurant where we had a private room to celebrate Marlene's birthday. Lani and Heather did a lot of work to make sure the day was memorable and we could tell his Mom had a great time. All but one of her children was there and the room was filled with such life as six of her grandchildren ran circles around the beautifully decorated tables.


In true Swendsen fashion, there was quite the fanfare and Damien even took part in the action dressing as a very lively and masculine (ha!) leprechaun. Lani bought the costume and Damien agreed to wear it at the party, sight unseen, and he got quite the surprise when he realized the costume was a bit 'tighter' than he had first imagined. Nonetheless, he played the part to the fullest degree and Marlene and all the kids loved it. I have to admit that I was laughing at him so much that tears were running down my face. Maybe it wasn't the manliest of costumes, but I loved Damien's fearlessness and dedication to take one for the team and play the part 100%. Heavenly whipped out her Irish dancing costume from years ago and did an Irish Dance for her Mom and brought the party to a close. It was a great time and fun was had by all, even by Matthew who slept and ate throughout the whole party. (See evidence of this where Matthew's legs are sticking out from under the blanket.) Oh, the difficult life of a baby.

Claire's First Haircut

Okay. As a mother of three, I have learned to expect the unexpected. But how was I to expect that Claire was going to throw an all out tantrum upon arriving at the hair cutting salon!!! I was shocked. For 25 minutes, we went back and forth with her, trying to calm her down, wiping her nose, drying her tears. At a certain point, it became ridiculous! There were 2 year olds who were calm and happy while getting their hair cut and here I was calming my 4 1/2 year old! I love Claire so much and knew exactly what she was thinking. She thought that the hair 'cut' as in scissors, was going to hurt her. That is why I gave the woman a lock of my hair and told her to cut it in front of Claire. I thought it worked and Claire even let the lady cut a strand (1 strand) of hers. I thought we had a breakthrough, but alas, she started wailing soon thereafter.

Since Claire got stitches a month ago, she has been hesitant to trust anyone. I knew if I could calm her down, she would go through with it. We took her outside the salon and tried to calm her down- with no luck. Michael then piped in and said, "Mom, let me try . . ." and he had success. It was really cute to see the two of them hashing things out. Claire calmed. She then looked at her hair, took a deep breath and said to me, "Okay, if I get my haircut, will you get me a pet?" Damien and I almost choked! I asked her what kind of pet she wanted and she answered, "A goldfish". Because her goldfish died a year ago and I never got her a new one, I agreed. What a genius! She suckered us!

We really have been dragging our feet about getting her hair cut. It is so beautiful and curly and we were worried that if we cut it, she would lose her curl. After 25 minutes of hysterics, losing 3 inches of length, and trying not to lose our cool during her tantrum, I am happy to report that Claire still has plenty of curls, it looks cute, and Claire now says that getting your hair cut is 'no big deal'. Oh, and her goldfish named, Bubbly, isdoing just fine!!

Don't worry though, we got all of the mad hysteria on film and one day, we will all get a good laugh over the whole scenario!

Coming Full Circle

I can't believe it has already been 6 weeks since I gave birth to Matthew. Somewhere between here and there, I have made it to my first mile marker (6 weeks) and things have lightened up ever so slightly (note the emphasis on 'slightly').

I was really looking forward to my 6 week post-partum appointment. I was anxious for my doctor, Dr. Totman, and my nurse, Leslie, to meet Matthew. They were so instrumental in his journey and by Matthew meeting them; the whole long and difficult pregnancy was able to come full circle.

Everyone in the office touched a little part of my pregnancy. They were always wonderful to my kids when we came in for appointments, they were accommodating with my doctor's schedule and my gazillion appointments, and most importantly- they were rooting for me to have a big healthy baby. They were all so thrilled to see not only me, but Matthew (okay, Damien too). We received a warm and wonderful reception from all of them and it felt so good. My doctor was thrilled to hold Matthew and my nurse, who really befriended me, was brought to tears when she met him. I had a wonderful and supportive experience with all the people in my doctor's office.

In addition to me going in for my 6 week check-up, Matthew also saw his doctor for his 6 week check-up. He got a great report and is a healthy and happy little baby. He weighed in at 11 lbs. 4 oz. and grew over an inch in the past month. They grow up so fast! We don't go in for another month, so it will be nice to have a break from doctor's offices for a while!

Matthew has really started showing some of his personality. At 6 weeks, Matthew gave us his first smile (my heart melted and I teared up) and is really looking around a lot these days. He responds to all noises- mainly that of his big brother and sister, and is having a lot more awake time during the day. Thankfully, for the time being, he has figured out his nights and days and sleeps pretty soundly at night. He must be in a growth spurt because he is eating every 2 hours during the day with an occasional 3 hour stretch (woo-hoo). Because he is eating like a champ, Matthew is a certified poop machine and keeps us busy. We recently re-financed the house so that we can keep up with the high demand for size 1 diapers. He has started cooing and making sweet little noises. He is napping a little more soundly these days and spends at least a few naps in his bassinet, instead of our arms. He still sleeps with me at night (I love it!!!) and enjoys staring at mom for extended periods of time. I have no complaints with that! He is not a huge fan of his car seat. He usually fusses when I put him in there, but once the car starts moving, he calms down and either stares out the window or falls asleep. But, of course, once the car rocks to a stop- he fusses and sometimes practices using his lungs by screaming as loud as he can (Michael and Claire are not a fans of this). We still don't really know what color his hair is which is o funny! So to sum it all up . . . life with our 6 week old is great. We have all adjusted to 'Matthew Time' and are settling into life with Matthew The Boss.

Make Believe

Last week we got the kids together with some of their friends. We went over to Gisette and Chris Denker's place so that Michael and Claire could play with Quinn and Rex, their two little boys. It worked out particulariy well because the kids get along so well and I was able to catch up with Gisette. I have known Gisette since I was in college, but knew her primarily because she was the wife of my assistant coach at Santa Clara. It is great nowadays, because we have been able to form our own friendship which has been focused around our kids and our own personal interests.

While the kids played, we sat outside and chatted about life and enjoyed the beautiful day. We hadn't heard from the kids for a while, when they suddenly surfaced in dress up clothes. It was hilarious! Michael was in a Spiderman outfit, Quinn in Superman, and Claire in Batman. I am used to seeing Michael in these types of outfits, but usually see Claire decked out in pink Princess gear, in heels, with earrings on. So you could imagine how hard I had to bite my lip not to burst into hysterical laughter when she rounded the corner dressed as Batman. Claire is a very sensitive soul and DOES NOT like to be laughed at. I could see she was a little hesitant and was waiting for my reaction, so I told her how great she looked and moved on. When Damien got to the Denker's later in the night, I took out my camera and showed him these pictures. He had the same reaction as I did earlier, but was able to laugh out loud because Claire was not around.

All in all, it was an awesome night. Yes, we are back to the basics now that we have a new baby, but it is also nice to go over to someone's house for a play date and let the kids disappear and have fun with their friends. The whole experience from talking with Gisette, watching Michael and Quinn wrestle WWF style in their bouncy house, seeing Claire in her costume, eating a delicious BBQ cooked by her parents, and kicking back and watching basketball with Chris really hit the spot. We had a lot of fun and are looking forward to getting together with them again really soon.

Matthew's First Cold

The first thing I have my kids do when they get home from school is wash their hands. Rub, rub, rub off the germs from the kid who was sent to school, even though he was sick. Wash off the sneezes, the nose rubs, the guinea pig food residue- just wash it off and start over. Yes, this 'washing of the hands' is my first line of defense against sickness, but sometimes- it just isn't good enough. About a week ago, Claire came down with a cold. Her nose ran NON-STOP for days! Soon, Michael starting sniffling and it was over. No matter how many times I told them not to touch Matthew's hands, to please not touch Matthew's face, said, "Wait- did you just kiss Matthew on the mouth?" it didn't matter. How can you really tell toddlers to not kiss and love on their new brother? I did the best job I could to keep them away from him when they were in my presence, but who knows how and where Michael and Claire touched Matthew when I turned my back?

This brings us to today. Day 3 of a really bad cold for my poor 5 week old baby. He is so stuffed up and uncomfortable. Soothing a baby this little is hard and I have used up every ounce of energy and patience to keep him and my other two kids happy. No one likes having a sick baby. It alters any schedule or routine you have, typically deprives you and your child of sleep, and just down right- stinks.

When Claire got stitches, my Mom told me that the more kids you have- the crazier things get. She is so right and I think that I should get used to my littlest one not feeling well. With two school aged kids, spending their day in their petri-dish of a school, colds and flus will soon become more of a constant in my life. So, I guess I should stock up on Tylenol and keep my humidifier close by.

Life with three is proving to be interesting and complex. But none of this compares to the joy, happiness, laughter, and love it provides us all.

To Blog, Or Not To Blog . . .

In the beginning, the intention of this blog was to keep people informed about my pregnancy and all the details accompanying it. Yes, that was the intention, but I soon realized that writing this blog was so much more than that. Having majored in English in college, I have always loved to write. I find that the thoughts and feelings in my mind and heart become more real and coherent when I put them in writing. Amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life, we often have amazing ideas or emotionally charged thoughts that are all too often forgotten. Writing this blog has captured many of these 'would-be-forgotten' feelings while chronicling a very important time of my life.

When you have children, life can really take off on you. When they are babies, we buy Baby Books with the intention of recording every 'first' and detailing the sweetness of their first year of life. Let me be the first to laugh at this notion! Michael's baby book is pretty well kempt. He was my first child and as many of us know, the first child generally has the more detailed baby book, the most pictures of them as a baby/child, etc. But when the second child comes, you have a lot more on your plate! Claire's baby book is fairly intact, but what differs the most from Michael's- is that a lot of her firsts and memories are jotted down on post-it-notes. I did this with the idea that they would be transferred some day when I had more time (insert hysterical laughter). When I think back, I am thankful that I was at least able to get to paper and a pen and record some of these memories. Having two babies 17 months apart was about enough to put me over the edge! That is why I acknowledge the small victory that at least I found the time to record things! If I didn't have the faculties about me to jot some of Claire's stories down, I would've forgotten the time she ate Desitin or when she used to call cheeseburgers, 'cheese-yats'. I might have blanked when recalling how Michael used to flick our fingernails to relax or how he called Claire, 'Hi' (we used to tell him, 'Say Hi to your sister' and he took this literally by referring to her as 'Hi' instead of 'Claire').

So what will Matthew's baby book look like? So far, I have entered the statistical information about his birth details, a few items on family history- but I see so many pages upon pages of empty stats that I fear will never be filled. Because seriously . . . between cleaning, making meals, doing laundry, driving carpool, showering (who am I kidding) and breathing, I am swamped. Yet, as I continue to keep up with the wear and tear of being a mother of three, I still find time to blog. Why? Because I truly enjoy writing. It makes me feel good. It empowers me and reminds me to enjoy the little things in life because at the end of the day, the 'little things' are what keep you going. Since I started blogging back in October, I have over 55 articles about my life and the life of my family. Some the blog entries were emotionally charged with the stress of Matthew's pregnancy, but other entries simply capture the daily grind of our little family. I wrote about field trips, my memories as a child, the pregnancy- all the while successfully creating a written 'slice of life' that is captured forever in my own words.

I am not sure who reads this blog. I am not able to see how many times my blog is visited or who reads what entry- unless you leave me a comment. But what I know for sure is that sharing my life experiences with others has been a wonderful experience for me. I have always been an open person, so sharing my joys and my shortcomings with people is not too difficult. So, while my beautiful Matthew may never have a fully detailed baby book, he will instead have a detailed journal of his beginning, a written recording of his precious life experiences, and a glimpse into the lives of the people around him. What will make all of this extra special is that these memoirs will be blogged straight from the heart of his Mom. Who knows? Maybe blogs are the new Baby Books of the 21st century! Let's wait and see.

Shootin' Hoops

Back in January, Michael started playing basketball on his very first team. He has always liked to shoot hoops in the backyard and practice his dribbling, but he has never played the game with the flow from offense to defense. His first game was hilarious! While he was trying to figure everything out, he kept his feet moving a mile a minute and followed the other kids back and forth- up and down the court. By game 2, he understood a lot more and contributed a lot more. With each week, he's enjoying the game and having a lot of fun with his friends.

The greatest part of the whole experience for me is that Michael is being coached by Chris Denker, who coached me at Santa Clara. His son, Quinn- plays with Michael and it is such a thrill to see them playing together and to see Chris giving Michael direction on the court, the same way he did for me.

One of the funny, well- actually not so funny things is that Michael's team is named the Pink Ponies and they were given pink uniforms. Why the director gave one of the 5 teams pink jerseys, is beyond me. Hasn't anyone ever heard of primary colors? Chris told the kids (mostly the boys who were displeased with the jerseys) that he would fix the problem and his awesome wife, Gisette, tie-dyed the uniforms. Just a side note so when Michael is older and looks at these pictures and wonders why he wore a tie-dyed uniform, he will know.

We are having a blast watching him play and are enjoying seeing Michael develop a love for the game.

One Month Down, A Lifetime To Go

I find it amusing that Matthew is already one month old. How did we get here? I am not really sure! Somewhere between feeds, diaper changes, rocking Matthew back and forth, trips to the grocery store, doctors appointments- all the while keeping the household up and running, we have made it. In the blur of a month, we find ourselves in love with our little guy and more comfortable and confident in what Matthew needs from us.

Within the month, we have all learned a lot. I learned that amnesia is not only related to pregnancy (pregnancy amnesia) but is also directly related to having a newborn. I forgot what dedication and patience it takes to walk a baby around at 3 in the morning while ignoring my burning eyes. I forgot how frustrating it is when your baby gets the hiccups in the middle of the night. I forgot how predictable it is that as soon as you change your baby's diaper, they poop in the new one. Yes, I forgot a lot of things, but my memory didn't fail me in remembering all of the wonderful things that come with having a newborn, too.

I think the biggest thrill to date is the way Matthew reminds me of Michael and Claire when they were newborn babies. Certain smells, gestures, or even the sound of Matthew's cries catapult me to the long newborn days with my other two. Before I had Matthew, I had a hard time remembering the newborn stage with Michael and Claire. But just as I assumed, it all came crashing back to me and there's not a day that goes by when I don't remember the way it was. Being that Matthew is Baby#3, I am so much wiser in many ways. I find that I don't sweat the small stuff. I am not overly concerned with his weight gain because I know that the newborn stage is gone in the blink of an eye. Instead, I enjoyed looking at his little skinny legs because by the next day, they are already chubbier. I enjoyed his month long hibernation; because I know he will soon be awake a lot of the day. When Claire was a baby, I worried a lot that she was sleeping too much during the first month. I laugh at my being so paranoid back then and am trying to stay more rational and calm about Matthew's sleep routine.

All in all, this was a great month. We survived the pregnancy, the birth, the NICU, jaundice, an infected umbilical cord, sibling jealousy (which there was very little of), getting used to very little sleep, eased into breastfeeding on-the-go, and now find ourselves a very happy and content family of 5. And while Claire is still convinced that Baby Emily (the name if Matthew were a girl) is still on her way, we are more than satisfied with how everything turned out in the end.

Here's to surviving another month with three children. I will continue to thank God for naptime, for coffee, for Tivo, and for blessing our family with Matthew.

Matthew Panoramic

The Day Matthew Joined Our Family

Matthew's Due Date

Matthew has been with us for what seems like forever- but today is the day that he was 'due' to enter this world. Back in May when I got pregnant, I looked ahead to February 24th (his due date) and dreamed about what it would be like to finally meet my little baby. Matthew's due date was also special because it was my Grandma's birthday. While I never imagined that I would have my Matthew in January, I am thankful for the 4 weeks we got to enjoy him outside the womb before he was 'fully baked'.

While life is carrying on and we are staying busy, I still find myself- at times, missing being pregnant. I know that sounds crazy because I was so ready to be done with it, but there are some quiet moments where I still can't believe it is over. For instance, I find myself taking really deep breaths so that the baby can get oxygen and remember he's not it there! I feel something move in my tummy and have to remind myself that it isn't the baby. While I don't miss being uncomfortable, having heartburn, and all the 'not so fun' things that come with pregnancy, there is something so special about having a new life grow inside your body. And when the life you grow leaves you for the outside world, there is that natural feeling of loss that I am sure all women face at one time or another. The wonderful trade-off is that before you really start feeling sad about not being pregnant, you get to hold your baby in your arms and suddenly, things are okay.

There is nothing like the way a new baby smells, the cute involuntary faces they make on a frequent basis, the way they grab your finger if you put it in their tiny palm, the way they stare at you for hours, the sweet sneezes and yawns, the grunts, the burps, or maybe the way they feel when they are nuzzled up in your arms that can bring you to your knees.

Having Matthew here is a wonderful end to a long and worrisome pregnancy. He was well worth the wait. So while February 24th was a date I fixated on for 8 months, January 30th is now a date that we will celebrate for the rest of our lives.

3 Weeks Old

Oh, how our lives have changed over the last 3 weeks. In all honesty, things are great. Yes, things are a little more complicated and it certainly takes me longer to get out of the house, but life with 3 kids is so much better than I could have ever imagined.

Matthew continues to be a really calm baby. He rarely cries and loves to sleep. He does great at night unless he gets the hiccups which then keeps us awake for a while. He loves to eat and is really starting to respond to our voices and moves his head and mouth to show us he is excited. He loves the bath, but doesn't like it if you let go of his hands. He continues to amaze his brother and sister and they both can't get enough of him! We still don't know what color his hair is. It is a combination of blond/brown/ and maybe red??? His eyes are still the deep 'baby blue' and his jaundice is finally going away! All in all, Matthew is doing great. We love him so much and can't believe the changes he has made over the past 3 weeks!

Learning About Mom

It's funny. For years I have wondered when my kids would become interested in who I am, where I have been, what I have done before I became their Mom. Up until now, they seem satisfied to know that I am their Mommy and I take them to school, make them dinner, read them books- basically do all the 'Mom Things'. But to my surprise, my kids have become unsatisfied with viewing me only by my role in the house and have been asking more about what I was before I became a Mom. And so my life story begins to seep into their lives. I have waited for this for a while.

Michael and Claire always want to know what I did as a child. More specifically, they want to know what I did to get in trouble. A favorite of theirs is when I was 6 and licked a cactus (which by the way- I DO NOT recommend to anyone). These 'funny' stories have colored their vision of 'Mom as a Kid' but now my children want to know what kind of a life I lived when I wasn't a child but wasn't a Mommy yet, either.

It is really neat to sit and have such a captive audience who is interested in my story. They hang on every sentence and I often catch Michael looking away from me and envisioning me as a teenager, an adolescent, a college student. One thing that they find fascinating is that I played basketball. I tell them stories of games in high school, stories of shooting around in my backyard with my Dad, stories of what it was like to win, and stories of how hard it was to lose.

Because both Damien and I graduated from Santa Clara University, they know a lot about the school and frequent the campus for alumni events or to visit our friends. So it was really special this past weekend to take them to a Women's Basketball game where the past Alumni would be honored. Having only given birth to Matthew 10 days previous, it was quite the decision on whether to go or not. Knowing that these 'teaching' experiences don't present themselves often, I decided to take them. They've been to basketball games before, but each time I take them, they are a little bit older and wiser. They thought it was really neat that their Mom wore a SCU uniform, played she basketball on that floor, and played games in this gym! They loved the game. Michael, who recently started playing on a basketball team, asked a lot of questions about the game and Claire kept saying, "Mom, girls can play basketball, too!" Yes, Claire they can.

During halftime, as they announced your name, you were to walk out to half court and acknowledge the fans. What was really special was that they invited your family to walk out with you. (Damien stayed home with Matthew.) So, as they announced my name, I walked hand in hand with Michael and Claire to half court. Claire seemed to be eating up the attention from the fans- while Michael on the other hand, kept tugging my hand and asking why everyone was staring at him. This was a really proud moment for me. For the first time, I was able to invite Michael and Claire into my experience of being a college athlete. While they didn't treat me any different after this, I know that they understood me just a little bit better.

Since the experience, my kids have asked me a lot more about basketball. Michael wants me to shoot hoops outside and teach him how to do 'tricky' dribbling. Claire, who had very little interest in basketball before the Alumni Game, joins me outside and asks me to help her to shoot.

All of us have something interesting to offer each other. It was my privilege to share my past as a basketball player with my children and it warms my heart to know that walking with me to half court, helped them understand Mom just a little bit better.

Valentine's Day!!

Valentines Day was a real day of love as we now have 3 little ones to share it with. The kids got some goodies in the morning and then they each had their own Valentine Party at their school. Michael handed out Scooby Doo valentines and Claire chose Disney Princesses.

Now that Matthew is here, I had to take a step back and not volunteer for the kid's parties. Instead, I caught the last 30 minutes of the party because I had to feed and get Matthew ready. When I went to Claire's party, she was mad that I was there. I think she thought I was raining on her parade. She started crying and told me she didn't want me there. Alrighty then. I picked up Matthew's car seat, wiped the sweat off my brow (literally) and told her I would go to Michael's classroom. He was thrilled to see me. He ran over and gave me a big hug and then continued to hand out his cards. A few minutes went by and I felt a tug on my pants and it was Claire. She came over to his classroom and wanted me to hold her. She gave me a few hugs and then went outside to play for a while! What a crazy girl. I think her independence got the best of her and she wanted to have her party all by herself, not with a Mom who would be asking her to pose for pictures and disrupt the euphoria of being a big girl. She is so funny, but in my heart- when she kicked me out, I knew she would come back to me. I need to give her some space to be independent and be confident that she will come back to me.

It was a great day and so wonderful to have Matthew with us. This was Damien and my 11th Valentines Day together and we both agreed, they have gotten better with age. And a new baby doesn't hurt either. After all, isn't all about love???

2 Weeks Old

It is really hard to remember what life was like without Matthew. I remember thinking my life was so complete with Michael and Claire. I was so blessed to have a boy and a girl . . . "the perfect little family" people would tell me. What was I thinking? How did I not know how what a blessing another child would be? This little guy has made our lives so much more colorful, more meaningful, more wonderful.

It has been amazing to see Claire as a big sister. The maternal instincts that come out of this little girl continue to amaze me. She holds him so well, knows what he needs, and isn't scared when he cries. The other night, I told Claire I was going to go upstairs to take a shower and that I was taking Matthew with me. I put Matthew in his seat and got half way through my shower before he started fussing. I thought, great- now I have to rush my shower and get out. But little did I know, Claire heard him fussing from downstairs and came upstairs and put his pacifier in his mouth. She stayed with him for the remainder of my shower and I was so relieved that she was so in tune with what he needed. She made my night as I was able to take a long hot shower instead of cutting it short.

Michael loves Matthew so much. He is very gentle and sensitive to what Matthew needs. Michael loves when I lay Matthew in bed with him in the morning before school. Normally, Michael is my 'non-morning' child. He hates waking up and as I walk in the door to greet him tells me, "Do not say Good Morning". But now that Matthew is here, Michael is Mr. Sunshine in the morning and wakes up without a problem- that is if I bring Matthew in there with me. He is really proud of his little brother and keeps telling me, "Mom- this is good" (in reference to having a new brother). I sense no jealousy from the kids- instead; they are overflowing with love and excitement for our new little baby.

At 2 weeks old, Matthew is still as sweet as can be. He is starting to eat more often and have some more awake time. We all love when he is awake because he has such big pretty eyes. It is still hard to tell what color his hair is, and his eyes are still that 'baby blue' so we don't know about eye color, either. Damien (who is a lefty) has been noticing that Matthew has been using his left a lot and is secretly pining for him to be a lefty like he is. This is far fetched as I am sure babies don't have a hand preference at this point, but you can't tell a guy not to dream. Matthew has also found his hands and when he gets fussy, is able to calm himself a little, or maybe just hold off on screaming for a second while I try and get to him. He is tracking movements and I love when we have a few minutes to just stare at each other.

I am sure that life will become a little more complicated as the days go on, but for the time being- life with three is nothing short of amazing. When we sit down for dinner, when the kids hold the baby, when Damien and I have time with Matthew after the kids are down for bed- life as I know it is perfect. To think that Matthew is already 2 weeks old- is odd. I have to make sure that I enjoy every minute with him because before I know it, he will be out of the newborn stage. So, excuse me if you will. I'm going to go hold and stare at my son.

Matthew's Journey

Here I am. Sitting on the couch with Matthew while Michael and Claire are at preschool. I can't help but sit and stare at my new son. His little mouth, his sweet little head, and his soft chubby cheeks. Can this be real? All the hard work, the bedrest, the medications, the hours and hours spent worrying . . . and here he is. Little Matthew. My boy.

(Remember, to view pictures, just click on them)

In my first blog entry entitled, "Open Yourself Up To The Journey", I wrote about how this pregnancy was going to test my faith, my patience, and my heart. I knew that the journey I would take to meet this new baby was going to be a long, difficult but meaningful experience. When I re-read it now, I can still churn up the feelings of anxiety and fear I had back then. I had no idea what to expect, how my life would be altered, and how I would get through it all, but I did. Matthew is here and I am so in love with him. This love is multiplied when Michael and Claire hold him, give him kisses, laugh at his little sneezes, sing to him, and just smile because they love him so much. Yes, the journey was long and sometimes hard, but the payoff is amazing. This little baby, who grew in my tummy, who makes us all so happy was well worth the wait. Here is the story of Matthew's journey into this great world.

On January 30th, I was supposed to get my cerclage removed at 7:30 a.m. at the local hospital. After a night of very little sleep due to nerves, I received at call at 5:30 a.m. telling me that there were no available rooms at the hospital and that my procedure would be pushed back. I felt deflated and hungry (I hadn't eaten or had anything to drink since 11:00 p.m. the night before). At about 11:00 a.m. I called my doctor and the nurse there told me that my surgery had been rescheduled for 12:00 p.m. So Damien and I made our way over to the hospital- a little giddy that we had finally made it to the cerclage removal day! However, our excitement was soon dampened when we were told that there were still no rooms and we probably wouldn't be able to get the procedure done. My doctor happened to be on the Labor and Delivery floor and reiterated the news to us. Before I knew it, I began to cry because I had finally had it! I had been looking forward to this day for a long time and to think that it would be delayed for 2 more days was more than I could bear. She suggested that we go to a neighboring hospital to get it removed (the same hospital where the cerclage was placed) so we agreed. Before I knew it, it was 2:30 p.m., I still had not eaten or had anything to drink, was growing increasingly cranky, and also a little nervous for the procedure.

Once I was admitted and checked into my room, things moved quite quickly. I was put on a monitor to see how the baby was doing, finally administered fluids via an IV, and prepped to go into the Operating Room to get the cerclage removed. At 3:10 p.m. I was wheeled into the OR and given a Spinal. I told the anesthesiologist that I didn't want much because when I had the cerclage put in and was given a spinal, it didn't wear off for 8 hours afterwards. Once I was strapped down and prepped for the surgery, Damien- decked out in the attractive OR garb, joined me at my side. My doctor did an exam before she removed the cerclage, and I was 3 to 4 cm dilated. She went to work and said there wasn't much of the stitch left but soon, after the stitch was broken apart, I was 7 cm dilated and the bag of water was bulging. She said to me, "Lisa, I can't let you go home." Confused I asked why- and she told me how dilated I was and that she was going to break my water and get the show on the road. I started to cry a little because the moment caught me off guard and I could not believe that in a few hours I was going to have a new baby!

After they broke my water, I was wheeled back into a labor room and put back on the monitors. Damien called everyone to let them know the baby was on the way and we were excited for the kids to join us at the hospital. For the past 3 days, my sister Jill, her husband Brian, and their son, Kyle had been staying with us. It just so happened that they were at our home with the kids that day and were able to reschedule their flight to stay for the birth of our baby! I was so numb from the spinal and a little worried on how the labor would go. But soon- very soon, the spinal wore off and I had full feeling. I was put on pitocin to increase the contractions and had to make a choice on whether to get an epidural or go naturally. I have always had this feeling like I've wanted to experience natural childbirth. It is one of the many things on my life's 'To Do List'. I asked my sister Jill, my sister-in-law Jocelyn, and Damien if they would be willing to support me if I went naturally, and they agreed. So off I went, trying to manage the pain and stay in control all the while containing the excitement to meet my new baby! I felt some pressure, so I asked the nurse to check me. She said that the baby still had a ways to drop and to keep doing what I was doing. What she didn't tell me was that I wasn't 7cm dilated; I was only 4-5. When I was 7 cm in the OR, the pressure of the bag of water on the cervix made me dilate to 7 cm. But once the bag was broken, the pressure on my cervix was released and I went backwards. I am glad they didn't tell me, because I am not so sure I would've agreed to go naturally knowing that I had a lot more work to do than I first thought.

The labor progressed beautifully, and just 3 hours after my water broke, I was fully dilated and ready to push. The pain was really something I have never experienced before, and I chose to deal with it by focusing on trying to move the baby down and not lose control mentally. I was pretty quiet throughout the whole labor and was ready to push when the time came. It took only 16 minutes for me to push out the baby and the whole room erupted in cheers when we found out it was a boy! They placed Matthew on my chest and between tears; I took deep breaths and rejoiced that the pregnancy was finally over and that I had a boy! Unfortunately, Matthew was having a hard time with his breathing. He was crying loudly and was pink, but his respiration rate was really fast. A normal baby breathes at a rate of 30-40 times a minute. When he was born, he was breathing 90-100 times a minute. He also had some fluid in his lungs. So they took him to the NICU and he spent the next 5 days there getting better. He was born at 8 lbs 5 oz which is really big for a 36 weeker. The fact that he was so big might have played a factor in him having a tough start. It was a long 5 days for our little family. A lot of trips to and from the hospital and it didn’t feel right to not have Matthew with us. But soon, those feelings passed and on February 3rd, we got to bring baby Matthew home!

Now that this is all behind us, we are loving life with Matthew. The kids are thrilled and can't get enough of him. Claire is constantly petting him and singing to him, while Michael loves his little ways and loves calling him 'Squirrley Guy'. He is a great sleeper (for the time being . . .) and we are all enjoying our new little family of 5.

The past 9 months were full of a lot of emotion, dedication, and sacrifice. When I look in the big eyes of my new son, those 9 months were SO worth it. At night, when Matthew and I snuggle into the couch together, I look around the room and let my mind go back a few months to when I was on bedrest. It is so special to hold him in my arms and know that together we successfully completed the bedrest. Matthew was that little guy in there who was kicking me all day and night; he was the one who kept me company on the couch when I was lonely. Together . . . we did it.

So as Matthew's journey into the world is over, he now begins his journey through life. I can't wait to see who this little boy becomes. One thing is for sure- he will always have a special place in my heart. I am not sure that I will ever be able to say that I have enough children. I love having babies and love being a mom. A lot of people wander through this complex world searching for meaning and trying to find out what they want to be and what they want to do. At the age of 31, I continue to rejoice in the fact that my job as a Mother is what I want to do and what I feel I was brought into this world to be. Yes, I will continue to focus on myself and make myself a priority, but at the end of the day, when I am tucking my two older kids in for bed or staring at the little faces Matthew makes while he is sleeping- I am reminded of my calling. I am exactly where I should be.

Welcome Matthew. We have been so eagerly waiting for you and praying for your safe arrival. I thank God so much for blessing me with you. We opened ourselves up the journey and because of that- we have you in our life. You are so beautiful, so strong, and so loved. Thank you for staying in Mommy's tummy and for being so brave in the NICU. I promise to hold you and make you feel loved for the rest of your life. Here is to your new journey . . . I can't wait to help you along the way. I love you Matthew.
Love, Mom

Poor Poor Claire

As if the excitement of bringing home a new baby and figuring out a new norm isn't hard enough, we had even more craziness this evening when my darling Clairey fell and split her forehead open. She and Michael were playing in this tunnel we've had for years and I was in the kitchen with Matthew when I heard Claire's head hit the floor and I just knew it was bad! Of course head wounds bleed like crazy and Claire and Michael (okay, I was too) were totally freaked out and we had a few moments of hysteria! We took her to the Emergency Room and she had to get 5 stitches. My poor little girl.

Since we have brought Matthew home, I feel as though the kids have really adjusted to the change quite nicely. They are great kids and really sense what we need and how to go with the flow. But I must admit, I feel conflicted because I am spending so much time with Matthew that I just hope that I am giving the other two what they need, too. It just takes a little more effort, though sometimes I am so tired I am not sure what I have left to give them. I think I am doing a good job of keeping their lives as normal as possible while helping them to share in the wonderful addition of their little brother. I know that with each day things will get better and we will find a new normal which will suit our little family well.

I was really shaken up with Claire getting hurt. Although I have a new little baby now, Claire will always be my baby. It would've been easier to just send Damien to the ER with her, but I knew that my little girl needed her Mommy. And just because I have a new baby, doesn't mean my older babies don't mean the world to me too. As they were stitching her up and I was singing Disney songs to her while holding her hands, I felt so fulfilled as her Mom. I made the right decision to go with her. Life has changed, but one thing remains the same . . . if I have to kill myself to be there for them when they need me the most, I will.

The pictures on the top are a before and after of Claire. She was so sad to have to go to the hospital, but somehow when it was over- a Frosty from Wendy's made it all better!

We Brought Him Home!

Just a quick update for everyone . . .
We took Matthew home this afternoon after a 5 day stay in the NICU and we are so excited. I will post more about it later, but wanted to spread the word to those of you who have been worried or concerned. Today is a good day.

More About Matthew . . .

Just an update to let everyone know how Matthew is doing . . .

We are thrilled that today, Matthew got his IV line taken out!!! It is so nice to see his little hands free and moving around, instead of connected to a multitude of wires. He is eating a lot more by bottle and I am expressing as much milk as I can to try and keep up with him! His breathing issues are completely resolved and he should be able to come home either tomorrow or Sunday. But as Damien and I know, we won't won't set our hearts on any particular day as things in the NICU can change quickly!

The other big news is that Michael and Claire got to meet Matthew today. Our nurse broke some rules and let us take him out of the NICU for a brief moment so they could hug and kiss him. They loved it!!! I think this is exactly what they needed- as they have been pretty confused about what is going on these days. Having a baby in the NICU and two toddlers at home proves to be pretty difficult. I have been able to spend a lot of time with Matthew and in between visits, find myself making time to play with Michael and Claire, pumping milk, and driving back and forth to the hospital for his feeds, which are every 3 hours. We are so anxious for Matthew to come home and have him all to ourselves! I am dreaming of sitting with him on the couch and staring at him for hours. I am sure a lot of this time will be in the middle of the night, but after our little rendezvous in the NICU, I am again reminded of how wonderful it is to have a beautiful and healthy baby.

I will post an update tomorrow when we have a better idea of the doctor's plans for Matthew.

He's Here!!!!

On January 30th at 7:21 p.m.

Matthew Benjamin Joined Our Family!

36 weeks, 3 days gestation

8 lbs. 5 ounces

20 inches long

Matthew is doing great! He had some minor complications after birth which forced him to go into the NICU, but he is making steady progress and doing so well.

He is still in the NICU but we hope that he will come home to us soon!

More to come soon, but until then . . . enjoy the picture of our new little boy!!