Cerclage Removal???

So the plan was that I was supposed to call Labor and Delivery at 6:30 a.m. to see if there were any available rooms for my 7:30 a.m. removal appointment. Apparently, a very eager (and very energetic nurse) called me at 5:30 a.m. letting me know that there were no rooms available and that I was the second person to be 'bumped' out of their appointment this morning. She said that I would receive a call once a room opened up. My doctor told me that I couldn't eat or drink anything 8 hours before my procedure, so I downed a bottle of water at 11 p.m. and tried to get some sleep. I slept horribly! So much was on my mind! For all you parents of toddlers out there, I am embarrassed to admit that I couldn't get the Wonder Pets theme song out of my head. Pathetic, I know. So after I lay in bed for hours wide awake, humming the annoying Wonder Pets theme song, finding Claire asleep on the toilet, and dealing with my big, pregnant, uncomfortable belly- I finally fell asleep.

I got another call at 7:30 a.m. basically restating what I already knew and that brings us to this very moment. I am exhausted from a night of no sleep, hungry and thirsty, but mostly anxious to get this removal over with and to see what follows! We aren't sure if we will receive a call soon or hours from now, but we will keep you posted.

36 Weeks with Kyle

No, I did not have the baby . . . but YES I have finally met my nephew, Kyle! I have waited a long time (he is now 3 months old) and I couldn't be more pleased with this little guy! My sister Jill, her husband Brian, and Kyle flew down yesterday to see us! It was Kyle's first flight and I am happy to say that they made it successfully and Kyle slept the whole way. What a guy! We picked them up from the airport and the minute I laid eyes on Kyle, my eyes filled with happy tears. I picked him up and gave him the biggest hug and enjoyed the moment- which I have waited a long time to have. The kids went crazy and were so excited to meet their cousin. Not only had we not met Kyle yet, but we hadn't seen Jill or Brian since August either. We are enjoying them so much and it is fun to hold Kyle while also feeling my own little baby kick in my tummy. Lord knows these two will get in a lot of trouble together in a few years! They will be here for a few more days and will be here when I get my cerclage removed and possibly go into labor (but I am not holding my breath about going into labor).

I had not anticipated it, but being around Kyle is a good trial run for both Michael and Claire. They are learning a lot about being around a baby. How to burp him, how to gag when we change his diaper, not to touch him when he is sleeping, and Claire learned that no- Kyle cannot have a carrot at dinnertime. I have been gently reminded of the 'work' I have ahead of me- especially when I got up at 2am to go to the bathroom and heard Jill walking Kyle around with the TV on. Yes folks, I have a lot of fun ahead of me!

I am now less than 48 hours away from getting the cerclage removed but also gaining the ability to move around and be mobile without any restrictions. So stay tuned, because who knows what will happen next. In the meantime, I am going to stare at Kyle for the next few days.

Removal Update

Just to update everyone, I went to the doctor this morning to see if I was more dilated and the good news is that I am the same (2-3 cm)! So the cerclage removal date will remain on Tuesday. My sister Jill, her husband, and her baby- Kyle come down to visit tomorrow for a few days, and I was hoping to keep the date for Tuesday so I could enjoy them (mostly stare at Kyle) before I have a new baby of my own. It really is a win-win situation to keep the Tuesday removal date because now the baby will have more time to mature and I will get a lot of time to visit with Jill and the gang.

So, that is it! When Tuesday rolls around, I will be so happy to have the stitches out, I will be happy to regain 100% mobility, and who knows, I might be smiling with a new baby in my arms. We'll see!

Changes, Changes, Changes

I was bracing for another appointment where nothing had changed and I expected to hear, "We'll see you in a week". However, this notion didn't last long and things definitely have changed! I was treated like a normal pregnant woman for the first time in 35 weeks and didn't have an ultrasound. Up to this point, we normally see the heartbeat- we don't hear it. So it was a real treat for the kids to hear the baby's heartbeat through the Doppler. Michael thought it sounded like a train and Claire just kept giggling. After hearing the heartbeat, the doctor measured my uterus and I measured at 38 weeks pregnant, even though I am only 35 1/2. In some ways it was comforting to know that this baby is big, but in another way, it made me feel happy that perhaps I am justified in feeling so uncomfortable and huge!

The doctor then examined me and we had quite a change from last Tuesday's appointment where I was a fingertip dilated. She discovered that I am now 2-3 centimeters dilated! It was kind of a shocker, especially when you consider that we thought the stitch was still holding! She was surprised too, and asked me to come back this Friday to see if anything has changed. I am scheduled to get the cerclage removed next Tuesday, but if I dilate more before Friday, she might move the cerclage removal up. The stitches are designed to be dissolvable and might just be giving way to the pressure and weight of the baby. But what we don't want to happen is to have the stitches damage the cervix by tearing it. So that is why we will be seen again on Friday and proceed from there.

All of this is really exciting, but I can't get over how real the actual birth of this baby is to me now. The clothes are washed, the house is as ready as it's going to be, and the kids are so excited- but I have to deal with the fact that this is really going to happen! Very soon I am going to meet my new son/daughter and life as I know it will never be the same. I remember going through this when I was pregnant with Claire. For so long, I focused on getting bigger and farther into the pregnancy when one day it hit me- 'Oh no! I have to push this big baby out!'. So I guess you could say the idea of birthing this baby has set in and I am trying to get a grip and just enjoy the rest of the ride- no matter how long or short it is!!!

I will post new changes as they happen and hope that I can hold out until Tuesday to get the cerclage removed. I have opened my heart to the fact that the baby may come any day now and am ready to celebrate its great arrival into this world- which will undoubtedly be filled with love and happiness.

35 Weeks

Today is a good day!! I have dreamed for weeks about being 35 weeks and here I am! It is a bit surreal, but for the most part, I just feel so incredibly relieved and full of life!

Today, my Mom and Laura flew back home. It was so nice having them here and my Mom really helped me get ready for the baby. Most everything is set and now we just have to wait to meet our new little one. While my mom and sister were here, we did a lot of really fun things with the kids. We went out to lunch a few times, saw Charlotte's Web, ran a lot of necessary errands and had a lot of together time at home. A highlight for me was when my mom took Laura, Michael, Claire, and me to tea. It was so nice and we all loved it! It was Michael and Laura's first time at tea, and both of them had a lot of fun eating the little sandwiches and desserts. (Picture above is Laura and Claire at tea.)

Back to the pregnancy . . . with Claire, I was released from the hospital at 35 weeks. No bedrest, no medication, nothing! Mentally, it is hard for me to justify still being on bedrest, but it is what my doctor ordered. She really wants me to take it easy until I get the cerclage removed. So I am going to keep up with the bedrest but not be so strict. I am no longer going to look at the clock and say, "Okay, I am starting my 3 hours of bedrest now", I am just going to take it easy and make sure I lay down when I can. I want to be able to regain some of my strength before my world gets turned upside down. One thing that I need to work on is sitting up. I know this sounds weird, but when you lay on your side for 18-20 hours a day, you lose a lot of strength in your back. Plus, I am not properly positioned on the couch, so it causes me a lot of pain when I sit up for an extended period of time. So, I hope to be able to sit up more and strengthen some of the weaker spots on my body!

I go to the doctor again on Tuesday, and will know more about how things are going in there. The baby is really active and seems to be doing really well. Now I really feel like any day could be the day when I go into labor. It is exciting and nerve-racking at the same time. We are ready at home for the baby and I am certainly ready to move on from the pregnancy and move forward to being a new mom. And for those of you that read of my prior postings, I finally did pack my bag for the hospital. Phew.

Prayer of Saint Gerard

When I was pregnant with Claire, Damien's grandmother gave me the prayer card of Saint Gerard. Saint Gerard is the Patron Saint and Protector of Expectant Mothers. I graciously accepted the card, but must be truthful when I tell you that I filed it away and forgot about it. While I was on bedrest, I prayed to God every day and tried to hand my worries over to Him- because at that time, my situation was just too much for my to handle. Then one day, when I was looking through a bag I had asked Damien to bring me in the hospital, I found St. Gerard's prayer card. After re-reading the prayer, I knew that this prayer was what I had needed during this difficult time. This prayer became a necessary part of my everyday routine and brought me such immense peace- that I have said it everyday in this pregnancy, too. I really wanted to share it with all of you because whether you are pregnant yourself or know someone who is- this prayer is so comforting and healing.

Prayer of Saint Gerard

Oh, great Saint Gerard, beloved servant of Jesus Christ,
Perfect imitator of thy meek and humble savior,
And devoted child to the mother of God.

Enkindle within my heart,

One spark of that heavenly fire of charity,
Which glowed in thine and made thee a seraph of love.

Oh, glorious Saint Gerard, because when falsely accused of crime-
Thou didst bear, like thy Divine Master,

Without murmur or complaint.
The calumnies of wicked men.

Thou has been raised up by God
as the Patron and Protector of Expectant Mothers.

Preserve me from danger
And from the excessive pain which accompanies childbirth,
And shield the child which I now carry,
That it may see the light of day
And receive the lustral waters of baptism.
Through Jesus Christ the Lord, Amen.

What's Up Doc?

I went to the doctor for a check-up this afternoon to see how the baby was doing. I am happy to report, that everything looks the same and we were told to keep doing what we have been doing. So it looks like I have a few more weeks of couch-time and more waiting to do (which really isn't a bad thing). She took measurements of the baby today and we found out that at 34 1/2 weeks, the baby supposedly weighs 6 pounds. So as I continue to grow my chubby baby, I will also relish in the fact that the most bedrest I have left in this pregnancy is 2 weeks- when my cerclage will be taken out. She noted that the baby was really low and told me that at the cerclage removal, I will have a 50% chance at having the baby that day. It is really sinking in that soon, we are going to have another little Swendsen around here and life will never be the same.

My mom, Laura, Michael, and Claire came with me to my appointment today. We waited 2 hours in the waiting room to be called back and you can only imagine the scene we created out there. For one, my appointment fell right during naptime and we were all tired. But it all paid off when we finally got the ultrasound and saw that things were going according to plan. The neatest part of the appointment was being with Laura when she saw her first ultrasound. Laura was actually at the foot of my hospital bed when I delivered Claire, so it was nice to be able to share this experience with her, too. She thought it was so great and was thrilled to see the baby's ears. She swears that I am carrying a girl with brown hair- so we will see if she is right!

While my Mom and Laura have been visiting, we have taken out a lot of Michael and Claire's baby clothes to wash, sort, and choose which ones make 'the cut' and which ones go to Goodwill. After I had both of the kids, I kept EVERY morsel of clothing they wore. Now I am wiser and when they grow out of things, I only keep the articles which are in good condition or hold some form of emotional value. Plus, from a storage perspective, if you don't weed through and get rid of some things, you use half of your garage storing the clothes!

On an unrelated note, my doctor and nurse told me weeks ago (at week 31 to be exact) that I needed to pack my bag for the hospital. Of course I have resisted doing this and am procrastinating so bad! I am not sure why I can't bring myself to do it! Maybe it is that I feel that once I pack the bag, the baby will come. It could also be that due to bedrest, the last thing I want to do when I can actually get up and move is pack a bag! It is probably a combination of the two, but either way, I need to get myself motivated and just do it already! I am hoping that by writing it here, I will hold myself accountable. I will let you know if it worked or not.

So while we didn't learn anything new at the appointment, at least we are talking about the END of the pregnancy. Finding out you're pregnant is so thrilling. Feeling the baby kick and move for the first time is indescribable. Starting to show and finally being able to wear maternity clothes is such an accomplishment. But being so big that you can't get comfortable, have a hard time sleeping, wearing the same maternity clothes over and over, and growing to a point where you don't know if the poor stretched skin on your tummy can take anymore is less desirable (hence the picture of Claire rubbing my belly with lotion). I have enjoyed so much of this pregnancy, but I am ready to have the baby and enjoy watching someone else go through it. 2 more weeks and I either gain a new baby or the freedom to move again. Sounds good to me!

Life On Wheels

It is hard to know what life would be like if you had special needs. Having a sister with Down Syndrome has exposed to me to world of sensitivity and understanding. Since Laura was born (I was 9 years old) my life has been closely interwoven with those with needs more special than my own. Through her schooling, we were able to meet wonderful children, many who were born with life altering conditions or disabilities. Sure, some of these kids were born with many challenges, but the one thing they didn't lack was the ability to smile. This is what always hurt my heart. Here were these children, many unaware of their own shortcomings- yet despite it all, they were always smiling. Being sensitive to those less fortunate made it hard for me to see people who were full functioning look at life so sourly. So many people get stressed out about trivial things- taking for granted the basic ability to exist without physical assistance or not having to continually tackle mental challenges. I know that it is hard for people (including myself) to remain grounded with how fortunate we are, but being around those with special needs quickly reminds you that whatever is stressing you out- probably isn't that big of a deal.

All of this rang true again, when the doctors finally talked to us about taking Michael home from the hospital. I was so relieved! I had planned his homecoming and his first few months in my mind and was ready to get rid of hospitals and the stress that came with it. Then my plans were dramatically altered when a nurse came over to me and told me that 'Special Services' would be contacting me shortly to arrange Michael's at-home therapy sessions. Therapy? No one told me about therapy! Unbeknownst to me, we had a long road of recovery ahead. After Michael came home, a barrage of therapists followed. Physical therapists, occupational therapists, and speech therapists followed him each week for almost 3 years. Ironically, I found myself in the same place as I did when Laura was born, surrounded by children with special needs- one of them, my son. Although Michael's condition thankfully turned out to be temporary and correctable, there were many scary months where we weren't sure of Michael's ability to reach the therapist's long term goals. But as God brought him to safety when he was a tiny tiny baby, he again embraced him and guided Michael down the path to being a fully recovered three year old boy.

I happen to consider myself someone who is very aware of the people around me. I have been exposed to many things that have helped me to become extra sensitive to those in need and my heart goes out to those who have such a difficult road to journey down. So, you can imagine when I started using my wheelchair during this pregnancy (at about 20 weeks), I expected people to show a certain sensitivity to me. A lot of people were really nice and held open doors so I could wheel through them. However, I have been surprised at the lack of sensitivity by so many others who are just not aware of their surroundings. People see me wheeling toward them and have to make a choice to either move or make me wheel out of the way. More times than not, I have had to move. When I was shopping with my Mom at Macy's, the cashier actually had the nerve to say, "What is Wrong with You?" I wish that I had a good comeback, but I was actually so surprised she asked me that question that I was speechless. I guess my point is that during this temporary time of being physically challenged, my eyes have opened much wider to those who live life from their wheelchair each and every day. Just a few of the downsides are that many store aisles are so narrow that you can barely fit through them without knocking things off the shelf, it is also really difficult to see and use the debit machine when paying at a store, forget about grabbing things on high shelves, and it is really inconvenient when stores or sidewalks don't have adequate wheelchair ramps.

I have learned so much during this pregnancy, but as I near the end and become a little more introspective, I hope to use the many additional lessons I learned in my wheelchair to further enhance my sensitivity to those around me. There have been days of my life where I have been a successful and active college athlete and other days where my activity has been reduced to laying in a bed 24/7. I think the most difficult part of life is taking the greater amount of all of your experiences and finding the one common thread that has gotten you through them all. I know that my thread of hope has been deeply rooted in my faith in God and the trust I have in Him that everything will be alright in the end. My hope for people is that we can all respect the limitations of those around us and remember to be loving, helpful, and perspective people in society. Actions speak louder than words. So the next time you are out and about and see someone who could use some help, do so. Hopefully your good deed will start a chain reaction in the hearts of those around you.

34 Weeks!!!

I am starting to feel so much better about myself. For one, I don't feel as fragile anymore. I feel like this baby is strong and that I have a little while to go until I see him/her. While I am still doing all the bedrest I am supposed to, I have resumed some activities when I am up and moving. Don't get me wrong- I am still being really careful, I just feel like it is okay to load some dishes in the dishwasher once in a while or walk to the garage to get the mail. It is almost laughable how little I can really do around here, but that will all change when I have a house and 3 kids to take care of. By the way, someone remind me once I am waist deep in diapers, driving the kids to and from school, making dinner, and cleaning the house that there was a time in my life when I laid on the couch. I am sure once the baby is born, I will forget all about these lazy, boring, difficult days.

On a very happy note, I was so touched to be invited out to dinner by a handful of my girlfriends to celebrate my still being pregnant and the near arrival of #3! It was so refreshing to get out of the house and be surrounded by such a loving, understanding, and hilarious group of women. All of us are moms, which made for some fun and interesting talks about our kids. One of my girlfriends that attended had a c-section last Friday and she took her first trip out of the house to celebrate with me (with her beautiful 1 week old daughter, Ashley) and another one of the women is 29 weeks pregnant with a little girl. So in terms of feeling big and pregnant, I had some people to commiserate with. We laughed, they gave me some wonderful gifts to get ready for the baby, and we had a great time! So thank you to Jocelyn, Melissa, Suzanne, Kate and baby Ashley! You really boosted my spirits and revitalized me.

Getting all these beautiful gifts and seeing how small the little clothes and hats were made me really excited for the baby. Obviously with such limited activity, I haven't had much time to get things ready in terms of washing the baby clothes and finding all the baby necessities I stored somewhere 4 years ago. Part of me feels worried that I won't have things ready, but something in the back of my mind reminds me that when the baby comes home from the hospital- they just sleep, poop, and eat. So I am hoping that I can do some of the organizing after the baby is born!

My mom and sister Laura are coming to visit tomorrow. I am so excited to see Laura because I haven't seen her since August. I am sure she would tell you that she is excited to see me, but I know she is most excited about seeing 'her babies'. Laura loves my children unconditionally and I'm so happy that it worked out for her to come down with my mom for the entire week. I go to the doctor again this Tuesday and I am excited that she will be able to see the baby on the ultrasound. It should be a good week and I am hoping that with the excitement of my mom and Laura being here, I might get a bit distracted and then suddenly be 35 weeks. One can only hope, right?

More of the Same . . .

So, my doctor's appointment went well today.
Got my shot of progesterone, saw that the baby had a great heartbeat, watched the ultrasound as my doctor tried to avoid showing me the sex of the baby, and got more good news that nothing has changed. We also talked about scheduling the cerclage removal between week 36/37. That is right at the end of January and really not that far away! I am thrilled that I am still only on modified bedrest. It is such great news! She let me know that I will most probably not see any full bedrest with this pregnancy which is surreal! In fact, it is so surreal that I can't even really grab hold of what is going on these days.

Because of my bedrest, each day seems to blend into the next and my perception of reality becomes a bit distorted- leaving me in an odd emotional limbo. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with how things are going, it is just difficult to deal with such intense emotions for such a long period of time. I have been bracing for the worst since I got the cerclage put in at 13 weeks. I always prepared for news that I didn't want to hear. I haven't heard any bad news, yet I still find myself getting worked up over the little things. In the past 7 months I have continually worried before appointments or just obsessed about things taking a wrong turn. Because of the worrying, I now have a hard time accepting or truly believing any good news. Since day one of the pregnancy, my doctor and nurses warned me to protect my heart. So with each week, I have taken all the good news with a grain of salt- never truly feeling 100% comfortable that everything was okay. I am now trying to transition my thinking, relax, and find my peace before this baby comes.

Today's appointment was great. I never in a million years thought I would be at this point of the pregnancy with so few complications. They estimate that the baby is now 5 1/2 pounds and my uterus measures at 36 weeks (even though I am only 33 1/2 weeks along). All of this is awesome and I do feel really good when I am there with the doctor. Yet every time I come home from these appointments, I skate around on the adrenaline for a while and then find myself feeling defeated. I think about how much farther I have to go and feel overwhelmed. I really need to work on focusing on the positive and believing that things really are alright and that it is okay to let my heart feel happy and not be so protective. I have learned over the past 3 pregnancies that this type of healing has to come from within me. I appreciate people telling me how great it is that I am 33 weeks and how wonderful everything is, but ultimately, it is me who has to work on shedding my fears and becoming a more confident, strong and more healed person. Lately, I have been finding a lot of happiness when it is quiet and I feel my baby move. His/her movements are so much stronger now and when I am feeling down and feel an arm or a leg drag across my entire tummy, I think of it as the baby letting me know that he/she is okay.

What have I learned from my previous pregnancies? That no matter how difficult the situation, no matter how bad things get- THIS TOO SHALL PASS. After Michael was born, after spending 3 dreadful months in Paris, and after we landed on American soil- we felt like the whole terrible ordeal was just a dream. After 73 days on bedrest in the hospital and after giving birth to Claire, my difficult memories of bedrest were gone. I will try and use these experiences to help me remember that once this baby is born, these long hard-fought days will fade into a distant memory. And that, my friends, is when all of this will have been worth it.

33 Weeks

As the stress from the pregnancy slowly lifts from our lives, the days and weeks are passing more swiftly. Our lives are more regimented as the kids started school again this week, Damien is back working, and we stayed busy hanging out with friends we haven't seen in a while. I've also been able to stay more optimistic as my tummy keeps growing and the movements from the baby get bigger and stronger. I find a lot of comfort in being 33 weeks and am so happy to be here. I know that the baby is healthier and I find that the burden of bedrest doesn't seem to weigh me down like it did in the weeks before.

What is funny to me is that the pregnancy amnesia has really begun to set it. I thought today, "You know . . . this pregnancy hasn't been that bad at all. Time has really flown by!". This pregnancy really hasn't been that hard- when you compare it to my other pregnancies- but the journey has been a long and difficult one. Instead of obsessing about having the baby early, I now spend a lot of time wondering when I am going to go into labor and meet this little baby! Of course, we still have our sights set on meeting this little one after 35 weeks, but you never know what God has in store for you. It is now a waiting game and soon enough, the pregnancy will be over. The kids are very anxious because way back in August, we told them that the baby would come after Christmas. Now we find ourselves backpedaling and unsure of what to tell them. Tonight, Michael said that the baby was taking a long time to come out. Earlier today, Claire thought that if she played music for the baby from one of her books, that the baby might want to come out to see where the music was coming from.

Becoming pregnant this time was a really powerful experience. Out of all 3 pregnancies, I was most ready for this baby. I had already raised 2 babies, got myself back into shape, accomplished a lot physically (ran my first marathon) and finally followed through with my creative passion of making invitations and party accessories. For the first time I felt truly accomplished, but I knew that something was missing and that is when I got 'The Itch'. I wanted another baby- no matter how hard or difficult the process might be. I knew that this pregnancy would involve a lot of heartache, a lot of shots, a ton of doctor's appointments, the much dreaded bedrest, not to mention losing the ability to be truly active with my children. Michael and Claire have been so resilient to the changes I have had to make. They have handled the many many changes in such a mature and loving way and made the best out of my situation. A lot has changed in my life over the last 7 1/2 months. That is for sure.

Just a few weeks from now, I look forward to seeing life in a new light. At night when I close my eyes, I get emotional when I think about introducing Michael and Claire to their new sibling. It is in this moment that I think I will release the guilt I feel for not being able to be there for them 100% of the time. Being the kind of children that they are, I know that they would've supported our decision to have another baby, even knowing that it would affect their lives a little bit. They are going to be such a great big brother and big sister. The miracle of life will truly be complete once Michael and Claire get to meet their little miracle. They have felt the baby kick, they have felt the baby hiccup- but nothing will be as amazing as seeing them nurture and love this little baby. It's time for me to go to bed now. Time for me to close my eyes and look forward to the future of our family and this little baby. Soon, life and love as we know it will grow in ways we can't even imagine. I look forward to relishing in these moments and pray that God will continue to bless us as he has done over the last 33 weeks.

Claire Gets A Little Confused

Claire has had a difficult time coming to grips that there is only one baby in my tummy. It throws her off that we have 2 names picked out- one for a girl (Emily) and one for a boy (Matthew). While I truly think she understands that only one baby will come out, she still daydreams that there are two and this video is evidence enough to prove it. This is a video gem that will stay with me for a long time and I can't wait to show it to her when she is older. Enjoy. (click the play button, the arrow, on the video below to watch it)

Claire Gets A Little Confused (video)

Hope Restored

Well, today was another doctor's appointment and Damien and I were a little more laid back and relaxed than we have been in the past. It feels good to know that we are in a safe place (32 1/2 weeks) just in case we get word that it is time for the baby to come! But as luck would have it, things still look pretty good. The appointment started out with a progesterone shot, followed by the Fetal Fibronectin swab. Then she did an internal exam and found that the stitch was definitely still holding but that I was about a fingertip dilated. She wasn't alarmed at all because she said that most women pregnant with their third child are a fingertip dilated at this point in the pregnancy. She felt optimistic about the way my cervix felt and looked and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. I found out late this evening that the Fetal Fibronectin screen came back negative . . . again. Wow, I feel so blessed. So basically, that is some assurance that I will not go into labor for 2 weeks- which would get me to 34 1/2 weeks. How would've thought? But rest assured, we are still taking it one day at a time. Every day of this pregnancy from this point on is icing on the cake.

This pregnancy is so surreal to me at this point. In a way, I feel disconnected from it because I can't truly believe I am pregnant if I am not suffering through it. With Michael, it was so painful to constantly see him struggle and with Claire, bedrest in the hospital for 73 days was anything BUT a walk in the park. I am still living a very normal life. I've gotten very used to the couch routine and am able to go out to dinner or shopping in the evenings (in a wheelchair of course). But so far, this pregnancy, despite the mental agony and worry- has been so great and I owe it all to the cerclage. The stitches are supposed to dissolve around 36/37 weeks and she thought that they felt strong and weren't dissolving yet (which is good!). She said that next week we would talk about a date to schedule the removal of the cerclage and then warned me that sometimes when they take the stitches out, women don't go into labor because the baby's head sits on the pubic bone. So we will most likely have the cerclage removed at 36 weeks and see what happens. I told her that if she wants to break my water when she takes the cerclage out, she was more than welcome! She laughed and said, "Oh, no. We will send you home so that you can have a good old fashioned labor." It is hard to know that the end is in sight- but not know how soon or how far away that end is! I feel a bit desperate and can't wait to get my body back and meet my baby. She re-emphasized today that she thinks this baby is big and my fundal measurement (size of my uterus) was 34 weeks. So at least the baby is growing well and will hopefully be chubby (a very important baby quality to Claire).

I feel like I have a bit more wind in my sails and in a lot of ways feel that my hope for a healthy baby has been restored. Life is good. The holidays are over. Now we will just wait patiently to meet this new little person who will bless our lives SO much.

Damien's 31st Birthday!

Yesterday was Damien's 31st birthday! It was a great day and we ended 2006 in a wonderful way! The day started with his birthday presents. The kids were so excited for him to open his presents from them. Michael gave him 2 boxes of Cocoa Pebbles and Claire gave him 2 boxes of Fruity Pebbles. They know that he loves sugar cereals, that Mommy rarely buys them, and that the gift for Dad would also be a gift for them! We have very smart children. We then went over to his parent's apartment to watch the last 49er game of the year and have a birthday lunch. Luckily, the 49ers pulled out the win and we all had a lot of fun eating 'football food' and Hellie's hamburgers. Lani, Eric, Seamus, and Megan made it down for the afternoon celebration and it was a lot of fun to gather as a group and to see all the kids playing together. Heavenly, Heather, and Ryan also made the trip which was really nice.

Later in the evening we all went to the Emperor's Garden for Damien's birthday dinner. It was such a beautiful dinner and it was refreshing to sit at a circular table where we could all see each other and interact. We both come from big families and are used to going to restaurants and being seated at a long rectangular table. When you do this, you only get to talk to the people right next to you and never get the chance to talk with everyone. So to be surrounded by everyone's faces was really neat! The food was amazing and we had a lot of laughs, too.

Afterward, we all came back to our house and had a Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Cake. My dad reminded me that it was Damien's "Baskin-Robbins Birthday" (Damien turned 31 and 31 Flavors . . .) so we had to do that. Plus, Michael had this cake picked out for him weeks ago and I had to do it. It was delicious and we were happy that Fr. Art could come over and celebrate with us. We toasted to the New Year at 10:00 p.m. and everyone left to meet friends or get some sleep!

I give Damien a lot of credit for having a birthday on New Year's Eve (not that he had a say in the matter). First off, a lot of people leave town for the holiday. If they are in town, most people have fabulous party plans with friends. This being said, it's hard to get a good group together to celebrate his birthday. I don't think he really minds, but I always feel bad that his birthday is pretty much overshadowed by a bigger holiday. One other mildly humorous part of his birthday is that he is always aware when his birthday is officially over. The count down 10-9-8 . . . is a blatant reminder that he'd better enjoy the last few seconds because when the clock strikes midnight, it's no longer his day!

I appreciated Damien even more than usual yesterday for being the amazing, sympathetic man that he is. He has stepped up in every way to help me be comfortable while I am on bedrest. He does the laundry, cleans the house, gets the kids up and puts them to sleep, does Claire's hair, cooks, all the while doing his own job as well. I said grace last night at dinner and I thanked God for blessing me with a husband who knows how to help me even before I need to ask for help. I get a lot of credit for my strength to get through this pregnancy and am praised often for my unwillingness to let this temporary situation consume me. Back in May, when we got pregnant, Damien too, agreed to take on whatever this pregnancy brought upon us. He knew that any pain we experienced, would be repaid in happiness once this baby arrived. So he deserves a lot of credit as well.

So, Happy Birthday Damien. Thank you for all of your support, your love, and the way you inspire me and the people around you to be better people. I look forward to everything the future holds for us . . .