33 Weeks

As the stress from the pregnancy slowly lifts from our lives, the days and weeks are passing more swiftly. Our lives are more regimented as the kids started school again this week, Damien is back working, and we stayed busy hanging out with friends we haven't seen in a while. I've also been able to stay more optimistic as my tummy keeps growing and the movements from the baby get bigger and stronger. I find a lot of comfort in being 33 weeks and am so happy to be here. I know that the baby is healthier and I find that the burden of bedrest doesn't seem to weigh me down like it did in the weeks before.

What is funny to me is that the pregnancy amnesia has really begun to set it. I thought today, "You know . . . this pregnancy hasn't been that bad at all. Time has really flown by!". This pregnancy really hasn't been that hard- when you compare it to my other pregnancies- but the journey has been a long and difficult one. Instead of obsessing about having the baby early, I now spend a lot of time wondering when I am going to go into labor and meet this little baby! Of course, we still have our sights set on meeting this little one after 35 weeks, but you never know what God has in store for you. It is now a waiting game and soon enough, the pregnancy will be over. The kids are very anxious because way back in August, we told them that the baby would come after Christmas. Now we find ourselves backpedaling and unsure of what to tell them. Tonight, Michael said that the baby was taking a long time to come out. Earlier today, Claire thought that if she played music for the baby from one of her books, that the baby might want to come out to see where the music was coming from.

Becoming pregnant this time was a really powerful experience. Out of all 3 pregnancies, I was most ready for this baby. I had already raised 2 babies, got myself back into shape, accomplished a lot physically (ran my first marathon) and finally followed through with my creative passion of making invitations and party accessories. For the first time I felt truly accomplished, but I knew that something was missing and that is when I got 'The Itch'. I wanted another baby- no matter how hard or difficult the process might be. I knew that this pregnancy would involve a lot of heartache, a lot of shots, a ton of doctor's appointments, the much dreaded bedrest, not to mention losing the ability to be truly active with my children. Michael and Claire have been so resilient to the changes I have had to make. They have handled the many many changes in such a mature and loving way and made the best out of my situation. A lot has changed in my life over the last 7 1/2 months. That is for sure.

Just a few weeks from now, I look forward to seeing life in a new light. At night when I close my eyes, I get emotional when I think about introducing Michael and Claire to their new sibling. It is in this moment that I think I will release the guilt I feel for not being able to be there for them 100% of the time. Being the kind of children that they are, I know that they would've supported our decision to have another baby, even knowing that it would affect their lives a little bit. They are going to be such a great big brother and big sister. The miracle of life will truly be complete once Michael and Claire get to meet their little miracle. They have felt the baby kick, they have felt the baby hiccup- but nothing will be as amazing as seeing them nurture and love this little baby. It's time for me to go to bed now. Time for me to close my eyes and look forward to the future of our family and this little baby. Soon, life and love as we know it will grow in ways we can't even imagine. I look forward to relishing in these moments and pray that God will continue to bless us as he has done over the last 33 weeks.