My Pregnant Observations

This is my fourth pregnancy. Basically I have spent 3/4 of my married life with Damien either growing babies or breastfeeding. Sounds like fun, right? While it has been difficult at times, it feels good to be doing what I feel I was called to do- which is being a Mommy. This last pregnancy has been challenging at times, but also in some ways a Dream Come True while avoiding bedrest and getting a little taste of what it might be like to have a semi-normal pregnancy. I love so much of pregnancy. I can remember all four times when I have found out I was pregnant. I remember that instant glow of knowing I had a baby in my tummy. I love feeling my belly start to get harder and poke out a little. I loved telling my kids we were pregnant and helping them to understand that soon they would have a new brother or sister. I love when you are finally able to justify wearing pregnancy clothes and how good the elastic waistband felt on my swollen tummy. I love feeling those first flickers of life and holding my tummy and just hoping the baby would kick again. I love seeing my babies flail around during an ultrasound and trying to comprehend the amazement of it all. I love when you can tell the baby is getting bigger by the different kinds of movements. I love when you are obviously pregnant enough for people to comment on it and sharing stories with other Moms. I love waiting for labor to come on and waiting to see who has been growing secretly in my tummy for so many months. I do really love pregnancy. Sometimes it is hard for me to enjoy it to the fullest because of all I have been through in the past. But make no mistake- I LOVE BEING PREGNANT!

It's funny. I don't ever forget why I love being pregnant but I absolutely forget the harder parts of pregnancy. It is that darn pregnancy amnesia that sets in and only lets you remember the good! It is same labor amnesia that let's you remember the more joyous pieces of your birthing memories rather than the painful ones! Well, I wanted to document the parts of pregnancy that I don't necessarily love so that when I look back I can actually remember them instead of letting them float off into oblivion! So here goes.

-Heartburn Oh man. I get hit with heartburn so bad. It doesn't really start until about 22 weeks or so but I get it so bad at night! It really isn't caused by the foods I eat during my earlier weeks but it creeps up at night when I lay down. I have to sit up and burp about seven times before I can do to bed so that I don't feel like my throat is burning off from the heartburn! Once I hit about 30 weeks, the foods I choose to eat at dinnertime and beyond totally have an effect. Tomato sauce, garlic bread, anything spicy will get me. And sometimes I will decide that the garlic bread is worth eating but I always end up regretting it later. Tums are my friend. My very good friend and I couldn't have made it through any of my pregnancies without them!!!

-Sciatic Nerve I always forget that I get this during a large chunk of my all of my pregnancies. And like I have never have had it before- I am always surprised when it shows up around weeks 15-28. This nerve pain which I feel in my lower back/tailbone area is horrible. If I am sitting down and then go to stand and walk- I get zapped with a terrible pain which makes it very hard to walk or move. I have tried to massage it but I can never find the exact spot where I have the pain because it just radiates over a large area. I always am so relieved when this goes away because it makes life so much easier!

-Seeing Spiders This is so weird but with every pregnancy- I think I see spiders on the wall only to investigate further and find out there is nothing there! It is usually peripheral but I will see black spots (which I interpret as spiders) and it drives me crazy. I am not afraid of spiders and am proud to say I am the spider extinguisher in our house but it gets old to constantly crane my neck to look at the wall where I thought I saw a 'spider'! I know that women with really high blood pressure see spots and these spots can actually be an indicator that you need to get help immediately. But I never have had the high blood pressure or hypertension associated with them- I just get the lucky side effect of seeing black spots on the walls. Damien knows to just laugh now when I ask him if he saw that spider on the wall. I know it is weird thing to comprehend but I also know that if I didn't write it here, I would forget and wouldn't be able to laugh at myself years from now!

-Rib Pain Okay. This kills me. The pain I have felt in all my pregnancies is always on the right side of my rib cage. As the baby grows and my uterus expands- it always puts pressure on my lowest rib and makes it feel like it is going to break! It is the worst when I am sitting straight up for an extended period of time but will go away when I lay down. Damien and the kids have been rubbing this spot and really digging in there to alleviate some of the pain. This might be one of the most nagging things in my pregnancy. It just hurts. Plain and simple.

-Brushing My Teeth I don't really get sick during my pregnancies. I don't even really have aversions to food. But man oh man. Brushing my teeth is rough! For some reason the visual of the sink or looking at my spit in the sink after I brush makes me so sick. The only times I have ever thrown up during pregnancy (once during Claire's pregnancy and four times during this one) have been after gagging during or after I brush my teeth! Sounds disgusting, but true. If I see anything around the sink- even on the vanity I will lose it. So I look in the mirror or brush my teeth in my room and then come and rinse my mouth out with my eyes closed. It sounds so silly but is a real problem for me!

-Contractions I try and make friends with my uterus and calm it down sometimes but it doesn't listen to me and contracts ALL DAY LONG! I know that these are Braxton Hicks contractions and I know that they are not changing my cervix but seriously . . . contracting all day and night is no fun. The contractions start about week 21 and obviously don't stop until the baby is out! The bigger the baby is- the more intense the contraction. And because I have a cerclage and because near the end of my pregnancy I have no cervix left- just the stitch holding it all together, the pressure on the stitch during these contractions is pretty incredible and painful. Contractions supposedly help your uterus get ready for your eventual birth. If this is indeed the case- my uterus has a black belt in labor preparedness!

-How Low Can You Go? Again, due to the fact that my cervix shrinks- the baby is so low during a large part of the pregnancy. When the baby is little and can flip around, sometimes I feel like it is sticking it's foot out down there. And when it tickles me with it's hand- it feels like it is right there ready to come out! It is a bizarre feeling. I laugh to myself when people tell me that it looks like I haven't dropped yet. It is because the baby was never up there to begin with!

-Veins When you are pregnant, your blood volume increases leaving you jam packed with baby and extra fluid. Because of this increase- every vein in my body takes a little hit. My veins are more prevalent and are working overtime. One thing that I always notice when I am pregnant are the little capillaries in my face. They seems to show up more and my kids think it is funny. Michael said to me, "Mom- why is your face so spotty?" I explained it to him but his observation just confirmed what I see in the mirror every morning. Perhaps it is what gives me and other pregnant women that 'pregnancy glow' but what I see is a lot of little tiny red lines. Luckily- all of this goes away after birth but the process is hard to get used to!

-My Poor Skin I do gain quite a bit of weight during my pregnancy and my body doesn't like it. I try not to worry too much about it because I go back to 'normal' within a year after birth but this whole weight gain process can be painful! At times I don't think my skin can stretch anymore over my belly. I lotion it as much as I can but I can definitely tell when the baby is growing because my skin hurts! It is stretched so thin that if I bump it with a corner or a box or something sharp it will cut it a little. And my belly button . . . is it still there? I have no idea!

-Carpel Tunnel Matthew's pregnancy was the first time I had ever had wrist pain. It wasn't so much during the pregnancy but once I have birth to him when it got so bad I had to wear wrist braces to bed. It hurt so bad. There was no way to make the pain go away and I was so relieved when it went away on it's own when he was about eight months old. Well this pregnancy- I have noticed wrist pain and can only hope it doesn't worsen once the baby comes. I know that when you are pregnant all of the ligaments loosen to allow some room for your ever growing body. But I hate waking up at night to pain in my wrists because they are bent the wrong way. Ouch!!!

-Drool You know, I wasn't going to write about this but I really have no humility left at this point! I am drooling like a crazy lady this pregnancy (while I sleep not during the day). I have never really noticed this when I was pregnant with my other three but this time it is crazy. Sometimes I wake up and think I haven't slept yet but then realized I was drooling and then I know I was sleeping. I felt kind of crazy to be experiencing this but then the other day I got an email about pregnancy from a website that talked about how women can drool more while pregnant. It said that pregnant women have an increase in saliva- especially when they have heartburn. The saliva coats your esophagus and neutralizes the acid of your gastric juices. Sounds fun, huh? At least my body is trying to counteract my terrible heartburn!

-Heat Stroke I have been so hot this pregnancy! Especially over the last three months or so. I have thought I was going to pass out during church a few times! If I am somewhere and it is hot- I have issues! The weather here has been amazing the past few months but I have had to have the air conditioner on at some point during the day to cool things off inside. I especially need it cool at night when I get ready for bed. I never sleep with a blanket and just wear shorts and a tank top to sleep. At times Damien will ask if he can close the door or turn off the AC and I look at him and ask, "Aren't you hot?" and he will tell me that he is actually a little cold. I know that this is normal but the heat is getting to me this pregnancy!

Pregnancy, although beautiful, comes with so many changes to your body. While I love and embrace so many of these changes, I also suffer through a lot to grow another little human in my body! Luckily- it is only nine months and then you start to piece yourself back together and hope that none of these nagging side effects persist in your non-pregnant life! I am just glad I took a minute to write these down so I don't forget when I look back on my pregnant life!

Naptime Helper?

Matthew hasn't been feeling that great this week. He seems to do pretty well during the day but at nap time and bedtime- he is so uncomfortable and seems to be in pain. He has had no fever, but he has a hard time breathing when he is sleeping due to something being a little swollen (nasal passages or throat). Damien has been taking Matthew at nighttime for the last three months or so (which I have so LOVED) so I am not dealing with him at night. But during his naps, he is just so uncomfortable! I have propped him up with pillows and even given him Tylenol with the hopes that it will help him get comfy. No such luck!!! We really try and leave him in his crib when he sleeps because he is so much more comfortable in there than with us. Well, since he has been sick he will wake up about an hour to an hour and a half into his two hour nap and want to get into the bottom bunk with me. I am happy to help him and also keep thinking that pretty soon- I won't be able to just snuggle up with him once the baby comes. Well, we've been laying together belly to belly in bed and the baby always seems to be active at this time. All I am trying to do is get this poor little guy back to sleep and Matthew is constantly being kicked! Matthew will take out his pluggie and say, "Mom, stop it." I try and tell him that it isn't me but he doesn't believe me. I try and scoot back a bit but Matthew scoots closer to me and gets kicked some more! It really is comical but I am desperate for Matthew to get just a little more sleep and the baby isn't helping. Maybe they are bonding already!

I took Matthew to the doctor Sunday morning and sure enough- he has an ear infection. Poor guy. I think it is only his second ear infection he's had which is a huge improvement from Michael and Claire's ear infected childhood (more so Michael than Claire). Poor Michael had them so bad he eventually had to get ear tubes. By the way- if you ever have to consider them for your child- I recommend them. It completely changed Michael's and our lives! Back to Matthew, he is feeling a little better and I need this guy to get better before #4 arrives. Until then, I think #4 is just reminding him of the major wake up call coming Matthew's way. He or she is going to be making their entrance soon and this baby is just slowly letting Matthew know he/she's coming!!!

Super Matthew!

Can you say Cheesecake?

Last week I mentioned that Claire and I went out to dinner as part of my Mother's Day gift. Well, this week- it was Michael and my turn to go out on the town just the two of us. Michael was really looking forward to it and had picked a special restaurant, The Cheesecake Factory. When Claire had chosen California Pizza Kitchen- she had done so because she knew I loved pizza. After Michael and I were seated for dinner, I asked him why he had chosen Cheesecake as the restaurant. I thought he knew that I love it there (which I do) but instead he looked me straight in the eye and said, "I picked it because I love cheesecake. (He paused.) Mom, do you like cheesecake because I have no idea?" I loved his response. Michael is by far my pickiest eater but he loves his desserts! God love him! When we got to our table- they seated us across the table from each other. Once our waiter walked away- Michael asked me if he could sit right next to me. I thought that was cute. He held my hand and grabbed my arm each time he wanted to tell me something new. Michael was really surprised to learn that Cheesecake doesn't have a children's menu. He said to me, "Great. Now what am I supposed to do?" I told him that it made it more fun to choose what he wanted to eat! After looking at all of the options, Michael chose the sliders (mini cheeseburgers). He loved them. After dinner, he could barely wait for dessert. We looked over and over the dessert menu at all of the cheesecake options and he finally decided on Adams's Peanut Butter and Chocolate Cheesecake. I thought that was a great choice!!! Once they brought it to the table, he started inhaling it- and I mean inhaling it. He already had eaten two mini cheeseburgers, drank a Shirley Temple, had two pieces of bread with butter and now was devouring the cheesecake (and the cheesecake is not small)! I watched in amazement until he turned to me after finishing half of the cheesecake and said he thought he was either going to burst or throw up! I pulled the cheesecake my direction and finished the piece as Michael looked the other way because he said he couldn't look at any kind of food or he would barf!

Michael and I had a great time. I didn't realize how little true one on one time we get together. The great thing about having a lot of kids is that there is always something going on! The downside is that it is hard to have good alone time without getting interrupted! I hope that we continue this tradition of Mother's/Father's Day gift cards from the kids because both Damien and I love it and the kids seem to equally enjoy planning a date and having us all to themselves. My Michael is truly a joy to be around and is such a special little guy. He is loving, sensitive, inquisitive, hilarious, feisty, and creative. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful son and a great role model for the rest of his siblings. Sometimes my mind goes back to the day he was born eight years ago and I remember how fearful I was that we might lose him. I am so happy that Michael fought so hard and that God held him in the palm of his hand and gave my sweet beautiful boy safety. I love you Michael. Thanks for taking me out to dinner. I can't wait until next year!

34 Weeks

We had another great week! I am still not on official bedrest but really taking it easy (i.e. I feel like a prisoner in my own home but at least I can walk around). I basically only get out to take the kids to school in the morning. I drive to the school- don't get out of the car when I drop them off and then drive home with Matthew and watch a movie. Sounds fun, huh! This is why I have to laugh when someone tells me that I am having a 'normal' pregnancy. I get what they are trying to say (that this is the best pregnancy outcome that I could have) but my life over the past eight months has been nothing close to normal! During my appointment, my doctor was thrilled that my cervix was still measuring 2.5 cm. It was a .5 cm decrease in length but she expects that now that the baby is getting much bigger. I was also more dilated this week which is okay but another reason I have to take it easy! One great piece of news is that I got my very last shot of progesterone today! Hallelujah! The shot is pretty painful but it is the surge of a week's worth of hormones that I am happy to be done dealing with! She did do an ultrasound just to check the length of my cervix but that is the very last ultrasound I will have. Goodbye ultrasounds! We are so thrilled to be where we are in the pregnancy and getting so close to the end where we get to meet our sweet baby!

The only drama we had this week was on Saturday when I thought that I might have lost part of my mucous plug (sorry it this grosses anyone out!). I noticed it in the morning and then again at 8pm that night and knew that if I called the on-call doctor, they would make me go in to labor and delivery. Sure enough when I told the doctor my past history, that I had a cerclage in place, that I was only 33.5 weeks and I saw what I saw- she made me go in to the hospital. But better safe than sorry, right. We spent about three hours in the hospital getting monitored and getting my cervix checked before they gave us the okay to leave. We got home about midnight and were so relieved that Heather, my sister-in-law, was able to come and stay here while we went into the hospital. We were so thankful that everything was okay and that I still got to come home and be with my family instead of being admitted to the hospital for the remainder of the pregnancy. Whew! We are all doing great. We've been dealing with a lot of things around here lately but have come together and gotten through things stronger than when we started. We are all happy, healthy, and enjoying these last precious days where it is quiet at night and we actually get some decent sleep. Only 2.5 weeks until I get the cerclage out and then wait to see what happens. Life is good and our family is happy and strong. What more could we ask for?

Memorial Day Weekend

We had an absolutely fantastic Memorial Day weekend! We had no plans at all (aside from Michael's baseball game on Saturday afternoon) and planned to spend the whole weekend relaxing and barbecuing. Damien wanted to BBQ all three nights so we set a plan in place and looked forward to a great weekend outdoors! Saturday night, we had our great friends The Uffelmans over for dinner and had a delicious dinner of Italian sausages and chicken. Yum! Their son Luke is just four months younger than Matthew so they played together and Karen is one week ahead of me in her pregnancy so we just sat together and tried to stay cool as we complained about being so big and pregnant!

Sunday we went to Mass and then came home for another leisurely day. We all napped (I love when this happens) and then prepped for BBQ #2 of hamburgers and cheeseburgers. I also told the kids that we would use the ice cream maker Michael gave me for Mother's Day to make some delicious homemade ice cream. He chose to make Cookies and Cream so I made a shopping list for Damien and sent him off to the store (I haven't seen the inside of a Safeway for three months!). While he was gone, I reviewed the recipe and realized that you have to make a custard-like base and then chill it for two hours. What? I make a lot of things from scratch but never knew all the steps that go into making your own ice cream! When Damien got home from the store I told him we had to do a lot of work to make the ice cream and the kids were really disappointed. They wanted to eat ice cream that night! They were able to stay up long enough to crush the Oreos and see us put the ice cream mixture into the machine to start churning. The ice cream needed to churn for 45 minutes and then needed to freeze overnight to truly harden. I had no idea it was so involved!!!! We were happy to let them eat some really delicious ice cream for breakfast the next morning! Seriously- it was really good!!!

Monday, Damien had an early doctor's appointment and then we took the kids to Santa Clara University to let them run around and have fun. I wheeled along with them and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine! That night we barbecued hot dogs (the real beef kind- not the turkey kind) and let the kids run around the backyard in the sprinklers. They had an absolute blast!!! All in all, the holiday weekend was just what we needed. A chance to reconnect with one another while enjoying the sun and the yummy food!!

Girls Only Night

Last year for Father's Day, I came up with a great idea for a gift the kids could each give to Damien. I took them to Safeway and let them pick out a gift card to a restaurant where they wanted to go with their Dad- just the two of them. It was a HUGE success because the kids had such a good time orchestrating a night out with their Dad! Well, for Mother's Day this year, Damien copied the idea and the kids got me gift cards for a night out together. Tonight, Claire and I got to go out and have what she called 'A Girls Only Night'. She got me a gift card to California Pizza Kitchen because she knows I love pizza. Smart girl! The two of us went on our way- ready for some bonding time. Claire had laid out her outfit earlier in the morning so that when she got home- she could take off her uniform and put it on. It was really sweet. She wore a dress I got her a few weeks back that she wears all of the time. She has so much pink in her closet that I thought getting her a brown dress would help her branch out a bit. Well, surprisingly- she loves it more than I could have ever imagined! She even found flip-flops at Target that match!

We had to wait a few minutes to be seated which wasn't a big deal to me but made Claire go crazy because she was so excited to sit down with me. Once seated in our own booth, she began to tell me all about school, life, and many other treasures that were just priceless. We talked about the baby and how excited she was. We talked about her brothers and how she is doing in school and in gymnastics. She just rambled off uninterrupted and told me so much about what is going on with her. I had the best time with Claire and was so happy that we were able to make our special dinner our very own. We even went to The Children's Place afterwards where I let her pick out a cute new tshirt. She thought it would be only fair if we got one for her brothers, too so she picked them out new shirts. All of their tshirts were only $5 a piece so it was a win-win situation!!! I had a wonderful night with my Clairey and was reminded of what a true gift she is to me. So is so sweet, so thoughtful, so insightful, so aware of the world around her and being out with her made me so happy that I am her Mommy. See- the whole Mother's Day gift card idea really works. I love you Clairey! Thanks for dinner!

About the Author

We got a book home today that Michael wrote all by himself at school. It was really creative and totally Michael. Apparently he wrote the book in computer class and then they helped him bind it and make it officially his own. Claire told us that Michael came over to her Kindergarten classroom and read it in front of the entire class. She loved every minute of it and couldn't stop telling me detail after detail about the event! Of course- Michael told me nothing about it. When I read the book- I was quite impressed. But while reading the book- I failed to look on the back cover and see the About the Author page. Claire had to point it out to me and I just loved it. I am so happy that it has been documented that the thousands of dollars we are going to pay to get Michael through Catholic grammar school, high school, and then college will be put to good use when Michael is a popsicle man when he grows up. He has often talked about how he wants to be a popsicle man. He let me know that he will stop in front of our house and because we are his parents- we will get free ice cream. Can you believe it? Free ice cream!

How awesome it is to be a kid and think you can be whatever you want to be. I love Michael's creative mind and innocence and I hope that when he stops by our house when he is older in his popsicle truck that he carries those red, white, and blue rocket popsicles because they are my favorite!

My Vanity

So, I have been trying to write this post for a while now. Pregnancy and vanity. Hmmm. It is a tough one. See- pregnancy has a way of changing your body in ways you never thought imaginable. And truth be told- there isn't a lot you can do about it. Even if you ate a perfect diet it still grabs a hold of you and changes you. Well, let's just go out on a limb and say that I do not eat the perfect diet. The pregnancy diet I follow is the 'Whatever Gets You Thought It' diet. I am not going to beat myself up if I feel like I need a treat at night because it has been one heck of a day. I am not going to deprive myself of a little 'pick me up treat' if it makes me feel better and passes a stressful moment. The hard part for me is that I CANNOT exercise or really burn any extra calories when I am pregnant. No long walks, certainly no exercise, and a lot of laying down. You can imagine how this is not conducive with low pregnancy weight gain! I know a lot of weight gain is genetic and there are certainly those pregnant ladies that look like they swallowed a basketball and don't gain weight anywhere else. Before I ever got pregnant- my Mom told me we don't get pregnant like that. Our elbows get pregnant. Our earlobes even get pregnant. We just get pregnant everywhere which is really not a problem. So inevitably, the weight gain comes, you deal with it and you know you are doing the best for your baby. But what kind of role does vanity play in all of this?

A few months ago, I watched an Oprah episode with Michael J. Fox. He talked about struggling with his diagnosis with Parkinson's and how the first thing that needs to go out the window when you are fighting something or taken over by something is your vanity. I really have thought a lot about what he said. Vanity is a hard thing to let go of. I challenged myself to try and let my vanity go and to try and love myself no matter how many pounds I gained or how my body changed. Let me just tell you how much better I feel this time around now that I am trying to keep things in perspective. Those of you that know me know that in my non-pregnant state- I really like to be active, in shape, and healthy. Certainly the body shape I attain during pregnancy is far off from my usual shape but I am really trying to keep my mental state in tact and love these new changes. Of course it helps that my husband shows me the same love no matter how much I weigh. There is absolutely no pressure there. With my first pregnancy, I didn't get to gain too much weight because Michael was born so early at 25 weeks. With Claire, I gained a fabulous 80 pounds and had a lot of work to do to get it off once she was born. With Matthew, I gained 60 pounds and once again had to deal with the battle of the bulge once I gave birth to him. I went into this pregnancy wanting to keep my weight lower because it is so hard to lose it once the baby arrives. My pregnancies are full of stress, sprinkled with a little bit of depression, heavy thoughts, and worry. When I encounter these feelings- you have no idea how a little bit of ice cream helps. I think I turn into an ice-cream-aholic when I am pregnant. But hey- whatever gets you through the day or the difficult times, right?

I think of what Michael J. Fox said at least five times a day. it is so easy to really care what other people think of you, but what really matters is how you feel about yourself. I am more confident with my weight and am choosing to love myself more than I have in other pregnancies. I think it has changed the way I present myself. Some of my family members are saying, "I swear- you are smaller this time around." People think I look better but I am par for the course this pregnancy in terms of the amount of weight I gained with Matthew. I just feel better! I have tried to check my vanity at the door and just embrace this process instead of fighting it. I will get back in shape. I will get back to my 'normal' size. But until then, I need to be kinder to myself and enjoy this pregnancy. I am doing a much more important job here (growing a baby) than trying to look skinny and be in shape. Because here is the truth- whether you gain 20 pounds or 80 pounds, the goal is to grow a healthy baby and in the end we all will be the same.

One thing that has absolutely been priceless this time around are my kids comments. Now I tend to think my kids are pretty sensitive people and are really good about trying not to hurt people's feelings. However, it seems they have saved all of their truth serum for me.
Example #1- One day when I was reading a book to Claire, she said to me "Mom, I think your head is getting smaller." I bit my tongue and had to laugh because in some ways it is true. But what is really happening is that the rest of my body is getting bigger!
Example #2- One day I was reading 'The Ugly Duckling' with Michael. As we were reading he stopped me and with tears in his eyes told me, "That's not very nice that they call her ugly. (He paused.) I mean- how would you feel if someone called you 'Big Fat Lady?'
Example #3- Yesterday as I was getting Michael ready for school- we were talking about swimming. He told me how hard it must be for bigger people to swim because it would be so easy for them to sink to the bottom. I explained how fat actually might make you float more easily. He then quickly replied, "Oh, then you would totally float."

I am not offended in the least to any of these comments because they are kids and they are just being truthful and don't know the negative implications of some of their comments (if said to others). If they said this to someone else- I would be mortified but they weren't trying to be mean or hurt my feelings and they didn't hurt me. I see the humor in it and have laughed about it with Damien and a few of my family members because these comments are priceless hence me sharing them with all of you! I know they consider the baby and my huge tummy as part of the weight but it has also been a good chance to talk about being sensitive and what is appropriate or not. I just wanted to write them down so I remember them in the future because they are so funny (to me). So as I finish these last few weeks in the pregnancy, I am choosing to be kinder to myself and relish in the fact that my body has changed because of the beautiful miracle that is growing in my tummy. Vanity is a hard thing to check at the door, but if you can do it- it makes life a whole lot easier.

33 Weeks

We got another great report from the doctor this week. I must have a titanium stitch in there! The stitch and the stitch alone is holding this baby in there. It is pretty wild to see it hold it all together via ultrasound. There is seriously no cervix left between the baby and the stitch. Hold stitch, hold! Just a few more weeks and I promise we'll get you out of there! My doctor was thrilled with how things looked. My cervix was still super soft and she was able to feel the baby's head again which is scary and kind of cool at the same time. I still have 3.1 cm of cervix but if she measured from the worst possible location, it was 2.6 cm. We are beyond thrilled at the way this pregnancy is going. She let us know that this will be the last ultrasound I receive in the pregnancy which was just crazy to think about! She will just do an internal exam each week to ensure that the stitch is holding. She also took a fundal measurement (done with a tape measure to measure the size of your uterus) and I measured a week bigger than I am. If this baby is born at 36.5 weeks (when the stitch is removed), I want it to be big and able to sustain him/herself so that was great news. I got my shot of progesterone and am so happy that I only have three of those left in my future. That's about all that happened at the appointment. We continue to progress through this pregnancy feeling so fortunate and blessed to not have such a hard time this time around.

It has really hit home that in three and a half short weeks- we might bring a new little baby home. The kids are loving feeling my tummy and the huge dragging movements the baby is making. Claire keeps bringing her Nintendo DS over to my belly and playing music for him/her so they can have a dance party. Matthew, who lovingly refers to the baby as 'Baby Choo Choo' is constantly talking about him/her and says, 'Hold baby. Baby Choo Choo come out- I hold baby'. Then he holds his arms out and shows me how be is going to hold the baby. Michael is loving feeling the baby move, too and is amazed by the wonder of it all.

Damien and I went to Babies R Us this week to get the remainder of the things we need to have before we bring the baby home. I am boycotting taking all of the boy and girl clothes out of storage and washing them because I just don't want to wash an entire storage container of a certain gender of clothes that we won't use. Instead, we bought a new baby boy and baby girl outfit to bring to the hospital so we have clothes to take the baby home in. When I brought the clothes home and showed the kids- they went crazy. Claire snatched the girl outfit and hugged it. I showed her the boy outfit and told her, "Claire, if we have a boy, won't he look cute in this?" She agreed. I know she'll be okay if we have a boy but she is not going to give up hope for a new sister! Michael is still standing by his declaration that he doesn't care if it is a boy or a girl. The baby buzz around here is growing more and more intense. When will this baby join our family? The anticipation is exciting, the baby's arrival is unpredictable, and my kids are more excited than ever to meet their new sibling!

Potty Training

You would think that by the time I am potty training my third child that I would have an established plan in place. You would think I would remember a lot of things from raising my first two kids but I just don't. I think one of the reasons this happens is that when you are in the thick of things- you just do whatever you have to do to get by! Plus, each child is different and with potty training you really have to follow their lead. Matthew surprised us all by poop training himself all on his own when he was about eighteen months. He just decided one day that he was going to poop on the toilet and he just did it. Since then (he is now 2 years, 4 months) we have maybe had to change a total of three poopy diapers. It has been fabulous! No potty chair, no changing poop. It has been so great. He just comes up to us and says 'poop bad' or 'poop toilet' and we put him on there and voila!

We hadn't had much luck with Matthew wanting to go pee in the toilet. I racked my brain trying to remember what I did with Michael and Claire and I couldn't remember any specific trick or maneuvering that got them potty trained. I just remember them being 'ready' and doing it. Of course we did potty charts and 'poop prizes' but beyond the reward part of it- I couldn't remember the process. Claire was completely potty trained around 2 1/2 and Michael was completely trained closer to three. I have heard it is easier to train girls but I really think it has more to do with the child and their own readiness. As baby #4's debut was getting closer by the day- I kept thinking it would be good to get Matthew potty trained before he/she comes to just give Matthew the attention he needs and get him off to a good start before all heck breaks loose here. A few weeks ago- we started taking his diaper off and letting him run around naked. Not only did I love it (the sight of those buns are priceless)- but I think Matthew welcomed the change from the heavy diaper and liked this new freedom. Once I started to try and put his diaper back on, he would say 'No like wear diaper. No diaper Mom.' Yes! One step closer. I told him that he didn't have a diaper on so if he had to pee- he had to tell me or Damien and we would take him to the toilet. The very next day, Matthew said, 'Pee toilet. Pee toilet!' We ran him to the toilet and he got it. He got it!

The timing of trying to potty train him and the great warm weather we are having absolutely got him off to a great start and allows him be naked without being cold. It is just perfect. So far, in the past week- we have had no accidents. If we have to go out on an errand, I will have him go pee and then put the diaper on him. But usually when we get home, it is dry. I am not going to get too excited, but I am thrilled that we have some progress on the potty training front. Some other motivation was going to Costco and paying $49.00 for a box of diapers for Matthew. With another baby on the way- I really would love to lower our diaper costs if we could. At this point- I hope we just keep making steady progress. I have no plans of trying to train him at night but if we can eliminate the daytime diapers- just imagine what I can do with the money I save. Oh, that's right. I can buy the next baby's diapers with it. You have to have a sense of humor with this kind of stuff! One day my kids will be out of diapers and while I won't miss the diapers per say, I will miss the little child that fit in them.

Ms. A

At Claire's school- they learn the phonetic alphabet by using Letter People. Each Monday for the first three-quarters of the year, she has brought home a book detailing the Letter Person that they met that day. Sometimes it has been Mr. K with his Kaboom Kick and other times we have seen Ms. D who is a dazzling dancer. All the letter people have really cute descriptions and actions. I am really familiar with this whole process as Michael did all of this last year so I know what is coming in advance.

This week, Claire's class had Letter Person day. They didn't have to wear their uniform if they came to school dressed as a Letter Person. Last year, Michael took a pretty obvious route and went to school as Mr. K with his Kaboom Kick. He wore his soccer uniform and it was really a no brainer. Claire, on the other hand, said since day one that she wanted to go to school as Ms. A Achoo. Hmmmm, okay. I asked her more descriptive questions about Ms. A and Claire told me that this girl just sneezes. I tried to convince her to pick a more colorful Letter Person where we could get creative with her costume, but she was not interested. She was so dead set on being Ms. A. that she told me her creative ideas on how to be Ms. A. "Okay Mom. I want to have a red letter A with yellow 'achoos' on it and then I want to take pieces of kleenex and tape them all over my shirt. Then I want to hold a package of kleenex in my hand." I tried as best I could to help Claire with her vision and she was as confident as ever to go to school as Ms. A today. I love that she had her own ideas of how we would carry out her assignment and although I am completely partial to my daughter- I think she looked pretty darn cute, too!

32 Weeks

Well, well, well. Here we are again! I am so happy to be 32 weeks. Such a relief to get to the place where all the doctors want me to be. Now, I am not ready to be done with this pregnancy and have my baby this early, but it sure gives me some peace of mind to know that I am now in a 'safe place' if this baby decides to join us earlier than planned! I went into this week's appointment expecting nothing but ready for anything. I have felt pretty good over the past week so I was hopeful that there wasn't too much of a change. Upon examination- she determined that there was a real change in my cervix. It is now very soft and she was able to touch the baby's head! And let me tell you- when she touched the baby's head- he/she jumped! She said the stitches are still holding and luckily there is not a lot of pressure on them (which is good) but it was a pretty significant change nonetheless. When she did the ultrasound- she found that my cervix still had a great length (3.1 cm) so that ultimately kept me off bedrest for another week. Although I dodged the 'bedrest bullet'- she did tell me that I needed to take it easy. I still lay down for a good four hours a day- but I need to scale back some of the more unnecessary things I do throughout the day. Because of the change in my cervix- she opted to give the baby betamethasone which is a steroid via an injection in me that goes right to the baby's lungs and gives them a boost in order to help him/her when he/she is born. I have gotten them with every pregnancy so far and thought I might avoid getting this time- but no. I will have to go back tomorrow to get the second shot of steroids to make sure the baby is covered. You have two get two shots 24 hours apart for them to be fully effective. I also took the Ffn test and much my relief- it came back negative. Which means that I shouldn't go into labor until at least 34 weeks. The last bit of great news was that I was able to schedule the cerclage removal. She scheduled it for June 12th which means that one month from today- I will regain my freedom and/or meet my baby! I can't believe we are in the final stretch!

I really couldn't ask for more these days. I still have my moments where I worry a little bit- but I am gaining confidence in myself and this pregnancy that after all we have been through, we are going to be okay. I have to give my kids so much credit for rising to the occasion since October. Since I found out I was pregnant, since I got the cerclage in December, and since my life has changed so much physically- they just keep on going and adjusting. They've been adaptable, they've adjusted to this new life, and have understood at times the sheer fragility of my situation. Matthew has adjusted to me not picking him up for the last eight months, Claire knows that every afternoon I have to lay down and she is kind of on her own, and Michael has given me some much needed inspiration and support. Life is good and when times are tough- it generally just makes you stronger in the long run. I thank God for all of the blessings I have been given and pray that the next month holds much safety and promise for our soon to be family of six.

My Mother's Day

"To the world you may be one person. But to one person, you might just be the world."

I love this quote! We went to Mass on Mother's Day morning and after church- the St. Chris Mom's Group handed out gerbera daisies to all the mothers with this quote attached. It really set the day off in the right direction for me. Because I still cannot travel- we were set to spend Mother's Day in and around our home. Because Damien and I come from such big families- it is strange to think of a holiday where there aren't people everywhere and noise galore. We tried to put it in perspective and enjoy a great day with our little family and really put the focus on our own togetherness.

I was greeted first thing in the morning by my three beautiful and eager children who had all made me handmade cards. I love their little messages and especially love the drawings of me and them. I love that because I once told Michael that my favorite flavor of Skittles was orange that little orange Skittles are drawn on every card he makes for me. Even if he draws a picture of me at school- inevitably there is a orange Skittle snuck in there somewhere! After we read the cards- we rolled out of bed and opened a few thoughtful gifts from Damien and the kiddos. Damien had brought the kids to Target earlier in the week and gave them a price limit and told them all to pick out something that Mom would really want. It was hilarious to see what they got me. Michael knows I love ice cream but he also loves it himself. He loves when I make any kind of goodie for him so it was so fitting for him to have picked out an ice cream maker. How cool is that? Claire took the more feminine and practical approach and got me two beautiful maternity shirts that are so cute and colorful! Damien said she picked them out all by herself and she even got the right size! She said to him that it must be hard for me to keep growing out my clothes so she wanted to get me something I could use now. I loved them! Matthew was drawn to the kitchen department, too and picked out a mini muffin pan that we can make some yummy little brownie cupcakes in! The funniest part of the whole shopping adventure was when they were at checkout. Apparently Damien told them to pick out a candy that Mommy would really love. The hilarious part of this is that they all picked out their own favorite candy! Maybe because picked those out because they were hoping I would just give it back to them after they gave it to me or maybe they were just hungry at the time. Either way I thought is was so funny! Michael got me a Hershey's plain chocolate bar, Claire got me a package of Skittles, and Matthew got me a Baby Bottle Pop. Of course upon receiving my extremely personal candy gifts- I gave them right back to them saying, 'Thank you, but I would love for you guys to have them!" They acted surprised (yeah right) and it was a classic moment. What a kick!

After Mass we went out to breakfast at a great little dive by Santa Clara University where Damien and I used to go when we dated back in college. The kids thought it was really cool and were shocked to see a picture of both Damien and myself on the wall taken our senior year. Claire couldn't believe it and whispered to me, 'No offense Mom. But you and Dad look better now!" No offense taken Clairey! We then returned home where all five members of our family took a nap (how about that!) and then we sat outside in the beautiful sunshine and just enjoyed watching our kids splash around in the water and have fun together. Later that night, Damien wanted to take me out for dinner and I couldn't figure out where to go. I certainly don't have the food cravings I've had with my other pregnancies (desserts are a whole other thing, though) so I asked Claire and Michael what they felt like eating for dinner. Michael said he wanted pizza and Claire wanted a Caesar salad. There is a great restaurant down the street that could fulfill both of their requests so we headed over there and had a beautiful dinner. During prayer, all three of the kids said the most beautiful things about me that it brought tears to my eyes. They are all so special to me in their own special way and I was so happy to be able to reflect on the many blessings that come with being a Mother.

I was touched by all of the many special treasures I received on Mother's Day from the kids and from Damien. I was inspired to further push forward with my pregnancy and was given strength to persevere through whatever lies ahead. I was reminded of the many blessings God has bestowed upon me. I was so thankful that my lifelong wish to become a Mother has happened not once but four times. Happy Mother's Day to all of the Amazing Mothers in my life and in the lives of the ones I love.

Mommy, Baby, and Claire

My kids love to draw. I have a large plastic Folgers coffee container that over the years I have loaded with crayons. I did away with the flimsy cardboard boxes crayons come in- and instead used this container as the 'keeper of all crayons'. I swear- I take that thing down at least once a day to give to one of the kids so that they can draw. I also have a giant package of construction paper in one of my kitchen drawers where they can easily get to it and voila- they can draw without my help! Claire is probably my most frequent drawer and draws us such beautiful pictures and also makes lists galore! The other day she taped this picture to my bedroom door and I just love it. I think it is so cute when they draw a picture of me pregnant. I love the different ways they draw 'the belly' or the baby and I thought this picture was a cute interpretation of that. Michael and Claire are really into drawing things more in scale these days. There is always a discrepancy in our heights and careful attention to people's hair/eye color. Claire was very proud of her picture and I love it very much. Soon, this picture will be a thing of the past as she will soon draw a picture of her little brother or little sister on the outside of my belly!

Michael's Mother's Day Tea Party

I have been looking forward to Michael's Tea Party for a few weeks now. He brought home the most adorable invitation and has been counting down the days until I would join him in his classroom! The teacher had it all organized and had asked the Dads to bring some of the necessary supplies to make this morning great for the kids and the Moms- and boy was it special. All the Moms waited outside the classroom together anxious to see their kids and have a wonderful morning together. Sure enough, our sweet kids came out to get us and led us into the classroom hand in hand for the big celebration!

For three staight years, I went to Michael and Claire's preschool for a parent's tea. It was a fun celebration but it was always for both parents (which was great) but I was looking forward to having all of Michael's attention today. Once in the classroom, Michael led me back to his desk where he had some handmade goodies for me. He had painted a flower pot for me with the intention that we could plant some flowers together and also made me a pretty flower out of a coffee filter and a straw. He also wrote me a nice note on why he loves me. I always love it when he gets to write about what he loves and have to laugh at how cute and touching his answers always are.

We had a wonderful morning together and I thoroughly enjoyed the forty minutes we had to just talk to one another. We went through the breakfast line together and he dished me up what he thought I would like. He got me an old fashioned doughnut, some strawberries and pineapple, and a cup of coffee. He got himself a chocolate doughnut, some strawberries, and some orange juice before he went back about fifteen minutes later to get himself another chocolate doughnut (no surprise here!). There was no official program to the morning in the classroom. It was just a chance to have some great one-on-one time with your child. Michael and I had the best conversations and really got a chance to connect without being interrupted. He told me a lot about his school, we talked a lot about past memories, and we also talked a lot about his soon-to-be new sibling. It was just wonderful. Just what I needed. I am sure he needed it, too. Sometimes things can get pretty crazy in our house. There is generally a lot of commotion and not a lot of time to just sit and chat for hours! I am so thankful I had this beautiful morning to talk with my son and enjoy what it is that makes him so special. I am looking forward to Mother's Day even more now- hopeful that I might get some alone time with each of the kids to just connect and have a lot of fun!

Happy Shot

I love to take pictures of my kids. Every once in a while- I'll take a picture of them that captures something so much sweeter or tender than I originally intended. This picture is one of them. We went to visit Damien at work after I picked Claire up from school. Most days, Damien works from home but every once in a while he goes into his office and today- Claire wanted to visit him. We got to check out his office and draw on his white board (always a hit with the kids) and then we walked, or rather wheeled over to Chipotle for lunch. While Damien was ordering- I snapped a random shot of Matthew and Claire and I came up with this. I love it. So sweet, so happy.

31 Weeks

Great news again from the 'What the heck is happening here?' news front. Still in shock and yes, still not on bedrest. I am throwing my hands up and saying thank you to God for this amazing news. I am getting used to this 'good news' stuff! It feels good!! My exam was great again this week and my cervix measured anywhere from 3.5 cm at the longest possible point to 2.7 cm at the shortest possible point. That top stitch is holding the whole thing together. The baby's head is just sitting on it but it continues to hold. My doctor told me that when she did the cerclage surgery back at thirteen weeks, she was really aggressive with the placement of the stitch. After placing what she considered a good stitch with Matthew's pregnancy and after my body basically laughed at it and said, 'That's all you got?' she knew that this time she would have get a better, deeper placement of the cerclage. Well, it is working and I am so pleased!

Next week, we will schedule the cerclage for 36 weeks and also repeat the Ffn test to see if labor is imminent. I will also take the Group B Strep culture and my weekly dose of progesterone. My doctor let me know that I will only get ultrasounds for the next few appointments and then we won't need to do them anymore. She will just do a digital check of the cervix (with her hand) to see if things are holding. I can't believe that I am getting so close to the end of this pregnancy. It has been emotionally exhausting but so rewarding. How fitting that my last pregnancy has blessed me so much with good health and luck! I just hope the trend continues.

And The Baby Names Are . . .

We don't keep many things secret during our pregnancies. I will tell you anything you want to know- except the sex of the baby. Because we don't know (and never have with other three pregnancies) we always have two names for the baby. One boy name and one girl name. We usually have had these figured out by about week twenty so that if the baby did come early- they would have a name. We are definitely not that 'name your baby in the hospital kind of family' (although there is nothing wrong with that). Damien and I have a pretty standard way of naming our kids. First of all, we like to stick to pretty traditional names. Secondly, all the kids names are saint names. Our naming process goes a little something like this.

With Michael pregnancy- the possible baby names were Michael or Claire. We had Michael so we saved the name Claire for our next pregnancy. We decided then that for as long as we were going to have kids- we would trickle the unused name down for the next pregnancy.

With Claire's pregnancy- the names were Claire or Matthew. Obviously we had Claire so we trickled the name Matthew down for the next pregnancy.

With Matthew's pregnancy- the baby names were Matthew or Emily. Matthew joined us so we moved Emily down to the next pregnancy.

Our trend seems to be that we always have the sex of the baby associated with the left over name. I hope you are following me. So- if that were true (albeit a little silly and another one of those wives tales)- Emily would join us next. However, little Daniel might break the cycle and surprise us all! You just never know!!! So there you have it- the names for this next little baby are Daniel or Emily. Who will it be? We might just find out in five short weeks!!!

** These little sippy cups were part of a shower gift given to me by my sister-in-law Heavenly. I loved them and thought it was such a cute idea. The funny part is that I have found Claire drinking out of the Emily cup several times. She also asked me if she could have the Emily cup if Daniel is born. Matthew is unbiased and likes them both and Michael hasn't shown any interest in them and is open to having a new brother or sister!

Showering Baby #4

Today was a beautiful day. I awoke with a feeling of excitement and happiness as I knew that so many people were getting ready to honor Baby#4. We started the morning off with Mass which was a great way to reflect on the true significance and importance of getting this far in the pregnancy without a hiccup. God is Good! When Damien's sisters approached me a few months ago and told me they wanted to throw a shower for me, I laughed under my breath and told them that typically- people don't have a shower for their fourth baby. They would hear nothing of the sort and began making a plan that very day. I was really touched that they cared so much about me and our soon to be new addition!

We decided to have the shower in May and when we planned it- I wasn't sure what kind of shape I was going to be in. Lucky for me, I am not on bedrest and was able to walk myself into the shower and enjoy! Claire was really excited for the shower, which made it that much more enjoyable for me. She had picked out her outfit well in advance and felt special that only girls were going to be there. Did I mention she was looking forward to showing off her newly painted nails? Damien was going to bring the boys at the end of the shower so Michael's feelings weren't hurt.

The shower was held at the Fairmont Hotel and was absolutely beautiful. Special care was taken to make sure that this shower was very personal and filled with love. Each little detail showed me how much my sister-in-laws and Mother-in-law care about me and I was truly touched. I was surrounded by wonderful family and supportive and encouraging friends who lifted me up and made me feel so blessed. I received such nice gifts that will really help out when this baby joins us. During the shower, so many people stood up and toasted to me and my devotion to motherhood and I cannot thank them enough for letting me know how much I mean to them.

We had a lot of fun at the shower and I really enjoyed catching up with so many of my guests and just relaxing together. There were a couple of great games that we played and I had to laugh at how intensely Claire got into them! If you look closely in this picture, Claire managed to steal six pins and clipped them on her dress after catching people saying the word, 'Baby'. In the end she won a Victoria's Secret gift card which is kind of inappropriate but hilarious all the same. The shower was wonderful. We carted all of the new baby items home and I had Damien put them all in our front room so I could figure out what to do with them. It has really hit home that I am going to have another baby in this house soon. I still am not sure where I am going to fit all of his/her stuff- but we'll figure it out later! Thanks to all who helped shower me and the baby today. I will never forget all of the love I felt coming my way!

Spa Day

In anticipation for our baby shower tomorrow, Claire and I went to the spa! It was a special day for both of us and she was so excited. I was looking forward to spending some quality time with her but also looking forward to getting pampered. I made an appointment for a manicure/pedicure for me and an appointment to get Claire's toes painted. She was so thrilled to join me on such a 'big girl' activity. From the moment we walked into InSpa, Claire was glowing and smiling so widely. They called us back and we spent some time picking out nail polish colors and helping each other find just the right shade. Once we had made our choices, Claire was ecstatic to learn that she got to sit right next to me in a big pedicure chair.

It was so cute to see her feeling so special. They scrubbed her feet and she looked at me and giggled because it tickled her. Once they started painting on the light pink polish with sparkles in it- she just lit up. The woman who painted her toes was so nice to her. When she finished- she asked me if it would be okay if she painted Claire's fingernails, too. "Of course!" I replied. Just when I thought Claire's day couldn't get any better! When we had chosen our nail colors, we didn't look at the names on the bottom of the bottle. Wouldn't you know that Claire's nail polish was called, Total Princess? How fitting is that? We had such a great time and all the ladies were asking her about her new brother or sister and how she felt about things. It was neat to see her so proud in this moment and just taking it all in. Afterwards, we walked over to Starbucks and just relaxed and talked for a while. I love my little girl. She is so wonderful to me but also wonderful to those around her. She deserved a little pampering and I can't wait to share tomorrow's shower with her to celebrate her new sibling.

Michael's First Speaking Part

Once a year, each class at Michael and Claire's school gets to host a Mass. Michael's class was chosen to host the mass honoring Mary on May Day. A few weeks before the Mass, I got a paper in Michael's school folder letting us know that Michael was chosen to have a speaking part in the Mass. I was immediately excited as he hadn't been chosen this year to speak in various class celebrations. Michael shook it off like the cool guy that he is and said that he wasn't nervous at all for his big moment. I told him, 'You know you have to get up in front of the whole school and in front of a packed church crowd when you say your lines, right?" "Yep. No problem," he responded. Seriously, Michael sometimes surprises me with is confidence. He really doesn't get intimidated in situations like this. I think I project my nervousness on him which I need to stop doing immediately!!!

I had my camera set to record his speaking part. I was going to capture it- all of it. The service was going along nicely when I saw Michael stand up and walk to the podium. I swear I stopped breathing! And wouldn't you know I didn't record a second of his little speech? I may sound lame but the combination of intense pride in my son coupled with the possible nervousness Michael may have been feeling walking up there was just too much. Michael calmly walked up and said, "To honor Mary as we crown her, we sing Bring Flowers of the Rarest. Will the first graders please stand." No hiccups in the rhythm of his speaking and he spoke slowly and clearly and literally melted my heart. Once he finished- he sat back down with his class and gave us the thumbs up and waved at Matthew. It was an awesome and proud moment for me and I am sure for Michael, too. It is so fun being a parent, especially during these precious moments.

**Disclaimer: The first graders had to wear their Sunday's Best to school and when I dropped Michael off at school, he looked adorable. The whole John Travolta Collar thing happened between drop off and Mass time. Once we saw him in the church we couldn't fix it. He looked cool nonetheless, but it was just funny.