Claire's Birthday Season

I know that there are families out there that can contain a birthday celebration to one day. In fact, I am sure that that is the norm. So, why is it that when someone in my family has a birthday- it turns into a birthday season? There are a few reasons to justify this insanity. For one, we always have a birthday party up at my parent's house as well as a party down here. Coupled with a party at the kids' school, and God forbid that their actual birthday falls on a day when they don't have school . . . this adds up to four birthday parties! It is crazy, but I must admit- fun!! This year was certainly no different as Claire's birthday season came at us with great anticipation and speed.

The first of four celebrations was up in Washington. We flew in on a Thursday night and sprang up Friday morning, celebrated St. Matthew's Day and then headed to Costco to get the food for the party on Saturday. Once we were done shopping, we headed to Laura's work to celebrate her birthday with her, too. We headed home, the kids napped, I stuffed the pinata, and then we all got ready to head to Laura's birthday dinner. (Laura likes to have a birthday season, too!) After a deliciously long three hour dinner, Claire decided she wanted to spend the night at Jill's house so I only had to worry about two kids that night! Woohoo! Once we got home and I got Matthew to sleep, I handed him off to Damien and started prepping the food for Claire's birthday party. We went to sleep, but not for long as Matthew decided to be fussy (maybe because of the rich pasta I had at dinner). Because my parent's house is still in the midst of a serious remodel, Jill and Brian were so kind to offer up their house as the party site! So, my Mom and I did as much as we could at her house and then headed over to Jill's to try and get the food/decorations ready before people arrived at 12:30 p.m. Somehow, we managed and things looked together once people started trickling in.

It was a great crowd. Tons of kids, fun adults to talk to, and plenty of family to catch up with! Most importantly, Claire was having a ball and so happy that her birthday was finally here! She chose a butterfly theme so she and the other girls fluttered around and enjoyed themselves. Meanwhile, Michael and the boys rough-housed in the backyard. It was pretty casual which was great because it gave us more time to just relax and enjoy the party. She got a lot of great things and I know she was so happy that it was her birthday and not Michael's (which she reminded me of several times!). A real thrill of mine was that my friend, Danielle- who I played basketball with at SCU and now lives in Gig Harbor, was able to make it and bring her Mom and two darling daughters. It was great to catch up and watch our kids interact. On a side note- for all you cookie lovers, she and a girlfriend started a company called The San Francisco Cookie Company. Click on the company name to visit their website!

All in all, it was a great start to Claire's birthday season. One party down, three to go!

The next party was at Claire's school. Because she only goes to school three days a week and her birthday fell on a day she doesn't go to school- we celebrated with her class a day early! She was really excited and even knew the outfit she wanted to wear to school that day (consequently, the outfit was a birthday gift from party #1). She told me that she wanted to bring white cupcakes with pink frosting and sprinkles. So, dressed in her outfit-of-choice and armed with a few dozen cupcakes, we ventured off to party #2. The Montessori school she goes to has a really neat birthday tradition. The kids sit in a circle and then the birthday girl walks around the circle and they sing "The Earth goes around the sun, the sun. The Earth goes around the sun. It takes 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days." They sang it five times- once for every year Claire has been alive. Each time they completed the song, the teacher asked Claire what she did when she was one, then two, and so on. It was really cute and again, Claire had a great party!

Party #3 was to celebrate Claire's actual birthday! I had every intention of making the whole day about Claire (as if she needed the attention) but things turned out a little differently. For starters, we had to get Michael ready and off to school. Then, I conned Claire into coming to my doctor's appointment so I could get some antibiotics for my ear infection. I told her we would go to Starbucks for a birthday hot chocolate and goodie and then we needed to quickly go to my doctor. She was okay with it, but definitely questioned how it fit into her birthday. Because I didn't have much help this year in terms of setting up and helping with the execution of Claire's party, I had to be super organized! Because of this, I had to take Claire from the doctor's appointment to Costco to shop for the food. I told her that we needed to go there to get her a birthday gift (which she still believes) but I desperately needed to get the food for the party! Once we left there, I asked her what she wanted for lunch and she happily chose Togo's (a great sandwich shop). We ordered sandwiches for pick-up and then brought them home for a picnic- as Claire had requested. It actually worked out quite well- as the kids enjoyed eating outside in the beautiful sunshine and it gave us the opportunity to give Claire her birthday gift.

Damien laid out a blanket and then brought out the food. We stuck a candle in her sandwich and sang her Happy Birthday and she was in all her glory! It was a nice, relaxing, pleasant way to truly enjoy Claire's real birthday and reflect on the wonderful five years she has been with us. Then Damien disappeared only to wheel out her new princess scooter. She loved it! She was so happy and started scooting all over the place. We stayed at home for most of the day until the BIG birthday event that was to take place that evening. It was a surprise for Claire and it will remain a surprise until I blog about it in my next post. The evening was incredible and we won't forget it any time soon. Claire fell asleep in the car on the way home from her mystery birthday trip and I couldn't help but realize how big she looked. Her long legs almost touched the floor of the car but her face still said 'baby' to me. Gees, it is hard to watch your kids grow up and to know that you can't stop time.

Last but not least, Claire's final birthday party happened that weekend at our house and it was a GREAT time. Everything fell into place (thanks to Damien's amazing help) and we pulled it off. Claire wanted a Tinkerbell party and a Tinkerbell party she got! Again, she had ideas about what kind of food and dessert we should serve and I really liked that she had input for me. There were a bunch of kids here running around and for the first time in all the years we have had parties at our house, the kids played upstairs while the adults talked downstairs. It was if we had all graduated from being tied down and finally we had some freedom to do what we wanted! (Note: Matthew is so little and not mobile yet so I barely realize that he is on my hip 90% of the day which is how I classify myself as not being tied down yet!)

The weather was perfect so we were able to funnel outside and have some more space to move around. As usual, we had a pinata and the kids all pulled their string at one time and released the waterfall of candy. I still can't believe how big all the kids have gotten. Seeing them crawl over each other and scramble for candy was something else! We opened gifts, ate cupcakes and cake, and then some of the family stayed and visited until late that night which was awesome.

When I stop and think that my Claire is actually 5 years old- I have to shake my head in disbelief. Just a little over 8 months ago, Claire was my youngest baby and now- here she is- such a big girl. I am so proud of her and the little lady she is becoming (attitude and all!). But I must admit that part of me longs for the days when she was my little little girl. I remember when she let me do her hair without fuss. I remember when I picked out every outfit she wore. I remember when I carried her around everywhere and remember when she needed me to get through every minute of the day. While Claire getting older makes me a little sadder- I welcome her new independence and love that she is really making an effort to be in control of her life. And while I will always be Claire's loudest cheerleader, I just wish I could slow time down a bit before she gets too big. Happy Birthday Claire Bear!

Laura Turns 23!

Hands down, my favorite holiday is Christmas. I love the energy that surrounds it, the sights and sounds it brings, and the effortless nostalgia that hits me repeatedly as it nears. For me, this is one of my favorite days of the year; a day I look forward to all year long. While this is true for me, my sister Laura has a favorite day of the year very different, yet similar, to mine.

September 22nd is a very special and important day in our family. It is Laura's birthday. It is common to hear us say that Laura's birthday- is like our Christmas. She looks forward to her birthday all year long and starts planning the next year's festivities, once her birthday is over. She makes lists of guests and lists of what she wants for her birthday months out. It is a production and she loves it!!! This year was no different.

Her birthday started at her work (physical therapy office) where she is loved so much. They really sense how special Laura is and celebrate her to the fullest! They had a cake, a princess crown, balloons, and even had lunch catered for the whole office from a restaurant of her choice (Olive Garden). They spoiled her so much and we were so happy to be able to go there during her lunch hour and witness it firsthand! Then, that night we went to a delicious dinner at a great Italian restaurant called Calabria. She invited her friend, Sarah, to spend the day with her. Before dinner they got a mani/pedi and then ate with us that night. It was great to see her with her friend and to see them enjoying each other's company and the cute waiters.

On a side note, Claire had a hard night. See, Claire and Laura are naturally drawn to each other and usually sit by each other, ride in the same car together, and chat. Well, because Laura had a friend with her, Claire kind of took a back seat to Sarah. Claire couldn't understand why Laura's attention went to someone other than her! She cried when she noticed the two girls in Laura's room watching a movie before dinner. She cried when Laura and Sarah got in the same car together. Claire cried when she thought she couldn't sit by Laura at her birthday dinner. All of this was a result of Laura being an amazing Auntie to Claire. Always loving, always inclusive, and always attentive to Claire's needs. It is not often that my kids are able to see Laura with her friends and I am not sure Claire knew what to do. Laura has a lot of friends through her sports teams and I know it meant a lot to Laura have Sarah with her for her birthday dinner. While I did feel bad for Claire that her feelings were hurt, I was happy that Laura could open my kids' eyes to another part of her life that they may not have known about.

Dinner was really nice. Some of our extended family was able to join us and it was a great way to truly celebrate Laura. Laura is largely known for the toasts she gives at weddings, birthdays, or whenever it strikes her to do so. So, we turned the tables on her and all gave toasts to Laura at dinner. She got a real kick out of this and it was sweet to see Michael and Claire muster up the courage to toast her with their Shirley Temples. Michael was classic. He raised his glass and said, "To my Aunt Laura. The best Aunt in the world." For many reasons, dinner was memorable and will not be forgotten any time in the near future. From the Justin Timberlake cake Jill made for Laura, to the great food, to the fabulous conversations, to the chaos of having two babies at a nice restaurant, and the list goes on and on. Happy Birthday Laura! We love you so very much!!!

Saint Matthew's Day

When Matthew was born, I knew that for the rest of our lives, January 30th would be a special day for our family. But in the chaos of his first year, I failed to realize that September 21st will forever be a special day, too. Lucky for me, my Dad has come through yet again and reminded me of St. Matthew's Day. As I have mentioned before, my Dad started celebrating the Feast Days of his grandchildren after Michael was born. It is yet another way we are reminded of how our faith is a part of our every day lives. Already, my kids understand Feast Days and are just a little more aware of how these amazing Saints helped mold and create our religious history.

We were really happy that we were staying with my parents the weekend of Matthew's first ever saint cele- bration. My Dad really takes pride in these days and pays attention to every last detail of the little event. Down came my Dad from his office to the basement where we were all waiting for Matthew to get his present. My Dad struggled this year over what to get Matthew- as a 7 month old doesn't require much! So instead of getting Matthew something he wouldn't/couldn't use, he instead got something Michael and Claire could enjoy. He handed Matthew the gift which was wrapped in wrapping paper made by my Dad. The wrapping paper and card are always my favorite part of the whole celebration. The paper always has the child's face on it and the cards are always top notch and creative. The gift is a nice gesture of the event, but the card is what remains the most important as it details for the kids the significance of their Saint, includes a picture of their Saint, and includes a prayer. Matthew took the present and immediately put it in his mouth. Then, Michael and Claire helped him tear into the gifts (4 new video games for the Nintendo Game Cube). The big kids were so excited about the games, but Matthew was just as content to play with the wrapping paper. It was really cute.

When we named Michael over 6 years ago, we chose the name Michael Joseph because Michael was Damien's middle name and Joseph was my Dad's middle name. In all honesty, we weren't going for an overly religious name- instead, we were trying to pay tribute to two amazing men that would mold and shape Michael's life. But now that I see how the religious significance of Michael's name enhances and enriches the meaning of his name, I am partial to names that reflect our faith. Thus, Matthew and Claire's first and middle names are names of Saints.

Michael came home one day from school and was telling me about Mother Teresa. He mentioned that she was a saint and that he knew what that meant. Another day, he came home talking about the Feast Day of Our Mother Mary and he knew full well what that was. Without trying very hard, my kids understand a little more of what it means to live a life of faith because of the names they were given. Coupled with the efforts by my Dad to keep their faith in the forefront, I am amazed at their ability to understand how God plays a role in our everyday lives. I love my children's names and feel blessed that for the rest of their lives, they will be able to reflect on the symbolism behind them.

Boys Will Be Boys

I can't pinpoint the moment I became afraid of snakes. I don't even recall having a traumatic 'snake experience'. I just know that for as long as I can remember I have found snakes absolutely disgusting! There are many things I find repulsive about snakes. The first is that a snake has no limbs (that is just weird). The second being that a snake smells with its tongue. The third is that it's movement is unpredictable and bizarre.

I loved growing up in a household full of women. Although none of us are overly girlie, none of us have ever truly embraced the outdoors. We love to go camping, but you would never find any of us in the backyard looking for critters and creatures. On the few occasions that our lovely cat, Cuddles, brought in a snake- not even my Dad wanted to be near it. We don't do snakes! On the whole, we are not the biggest animal people. Some families love dogs, not ours. Others families want birds, gerbils, mice, or hamsters as pets, not ours. We are okay with cats and had a few when we were growing up, but that is about it! Case closed.

So, this brings me to my current dilemma/issue. Being that I am fearful of snakes and have 2 sons of my own- I know that they will forever taunt me about it. I know that they are going to be going into the backyard searching for snakes, just to see how high Mom will jump when she sees one! The one thing I didn't anticipate is just how early this taunting would start.

Michael keyed into my fear sometime last year. Since then, I have had rubber snakes under my pillow, in the glove box of my car, and in my cupboards. They frequently sail through the air in my direction and when I scream- Michael and Damien laugh in unison. Claire is not so happy that my fear has been exploited. She gets mad at them when I get scared and will tell me if a snake is hidden somewhere. While this is all fun (at least in the boy's minds) I do know that the snakes are fake. Sure, I still scream but in the back of my head- I know they aren't real.

This past weekend, we went to my nephew's 11th birthday party. It was at his grandparent's house which is situated on top of a mountain where the climate is very warm and dry (a snake's paradise). They've told us that there are rattlesnakes up there and just the thought of that makes me crazy! I was making a pizza when my brother-in-law told me there was a dead snake down by the pool bathroom. What? Are you kidding me? Shivers went up and down my arms. The kids wanted to see it so I bravely took them down there. After all, what could a dead snake do to me? We found it. It was a baby snake. I moved it with my shoe and then took the kids back up to the party and I was DONE with the snake.

A little bit later, Damien, Michael, and my brother-in-law Eric, went down to check out the snake. I overheard them saying it was a rattlesnake. Get out of here! I had to check it out myself. I was holding Matthew and went down there. They were showing Michael the rattle on it's tail and Eric asked him if he wanted to hold it. Of course he did. He grabbed it with two fingers and looked at it. He was checking it out when he slowly moved his eyes from the snake to me. "No." I sternly told him. Without hesitating, he threw it at my feet. "Michael, stop it." I knew he wouldn't stop so I took off running, Matthew in my arms, up the stairs toward the party. He went and picked the snake up and ran towards me. I was screaming. I am a total baby and I know it! He got close to me and threw it at me again. Except this time, it wasn't at my feet but coming towards my body. I had to bat it down with my hand. GROSS! I was growing increasingly angry that he wouldn't stop and kept running. But as I continued to run, he continued to chase me with the baby rattlesnake. He threw it for the final time and what do you know? It landed in my hair! At this point, the entire group was staring at me- probably wondering what in the heck was wrong with that lady! I felt it hit my hair and that was it. A few tears filled my eyes (I am a loser) and I looked at Michael, who was laughing hysterically, and I was so mad!

Yes, I chased my Mom with bugs when I was a kid, but I never threw them at her. I got just as much pleasure in seeing her run from me as I would have if I had thrown them at her. Yes, I did put grasshoppers on her stove and yes, I did chase her with the biggest moth I have ever seen. Yet, let the record show, I never threw them at her. I guess I need to get used to the whole 'boy' thing. I didn't grow up with it, but I now need to know that I should always expect the unexpected!

Above is a picture Michael drew me a few days before the 'throwing the snake incident'. He drew this to scare me and I kept it because the detail in the picture makes me laugh. The picture he drew is me- holding a snake. (Like that would ever happen!) I asked what was on top of my head and he said, "You know Mom. The way I like your hair . . . " I didn't get it so he added, "You know when you put your hair in a ponytail but make it look like a bubble on the top?" I got it. I love Michael and I love his spunk. And while I will never be okay with him throwing a snake at me, I will learn to love the silly things that boys do.

Claire Starts Preschool... Again!

Claire is jazzed! Not only is Claire so excited that school has started again, she is also ecstatic that she is there alone! I know that she loved being at school with Michael last year, but she is happy that this is her show this year. No sharing the Parent Tea Party with Michael. No longer will Mommy have to split time between the two classes on party days. At drop off, all the attention goes to her and she couldn't be happier. Little does Claire know that this is the last year of her being at her 'own school' for the next 9 years! (Let's keep this little secret to ourselves, okay?)

Claire was so patient during the long weeks leading up to Michael's first day of school. She went with me to the uniform store numerous times to make sure Michael had all the correct clothes and showed tons of patience. She went to new school orientations, new family picnics for Michael's class, and even helped me drop-off and pick-up Michael as he started school 2 weeks before she did!

But the tide has changed and she is thrilled. I took her shopping for her first day of school outfit and she had some definite opinions regarding the fashion statement she wanted make. She picked out the outfit shown in the picture above all by herself, making sure that the two blues coordinated. She knew she wanted to wear tights and 'high heels' (that's what she calls her shiny black shoes). The morning of her first day, she told me she wanted me to sweep her hair and I followed her vision so she was happy. This new found control over her look made me realize how much Claire has grown over the last year. I can recall last September and how I bought her dress, organized her outfit and did her hair the way I thought looked cute. But this year, she is more in control of her look and I am okay with it. I must admit though, I am thankful that she has good taste. Otherwise, I would have to intervene.

We brought her to school and she knew all the tricks. She asked Damien if he would skip with her into school and he obliged. It was clear that this was Claire's terrain now. She knew where her cubby was, where her work drawer was, where the sign in/out book was, and she showed no signs of apprehension or nervousness at all. We hung out with her for a while and then she said, "Are you gonna drop me off now?" I answered, "If you are ready." She thought about it and then said, "I guess you could wait until the bell rings." Oh, my Clairey. So independent, so funny. When the bell rang, she waved goodbye and that was that. Damien, Matthew and I left and we knew 100% she would be just fine.

Sure enough, when we came to pick her up, he bounded into the cubby room and into my arms. Confident Claire still loves to give hugs and be nurtured. Michael was with us and was anxious to see his teacher from last year. When Michael spotted her, he gave her a big hug and she couldn't believe how much he had grown over the summer. I know Michael loves his new school, but both Michael and his old teacher, Miss Donna, share a special bond that he won't let go of any time soon. We all loaded into the van and asked Claire where she wanted to go for her 'First Day of School' lunch. Without delay, she answered Red Robin!

It just so happened that Michael's Back To School Night was the same day as Claire's first day. We knew we couldn't bring the kids with us, so Damien's parents drove down to watch them for us. Lucky for us and for Claire, they were able to join us for lunch and celebrate Claire's new beginning. The kids got their chocolate milkshakes (with whip cream, sprinkles, and a cherry) and we all talked about Claire's first day. Over lunch I breathed a few sighs of relief that I had successfully started both my big kids in school. With three kids, a lot can fall between the cracks. There were a lot of forms, a lot of requirements, a lot shopping, and a lot of planning that made these first day's of school happen. Now I just need to keep up with the pace of life and stay organized.

While these 'Firsts' always make me a tad bit sad that time is passing in front of my eyes, Matthew's youth and innocence rejuvenates my spirit. I can rejoice a little more freely with my kids and their achievements because I know I get to do this all again with Matthew. I say this confidently now, but when the day comes that I have to put my 'last baby' into school, you may have to scoop me up off the floor. I better stop now before I have a nervous breakdown just thinking about it!

Santa Barbara

Summer is coming to an end and the new school year has started out at a furious pace. Despite the madness, the weekend somehow found us at home and on top of that- it was Labor Day Weekend. As I was filing away some of Michael's paperwork, Damien turned to me and said, ""Let's go somewhere." I gave him a bewildered look. He continued, "Remember that list we made at the beginning of the summer of places we wanted to go? We didn't make it to Yosemite or Santa Barbara!" To be honest, my first thought was, 'Dream on, Damien'. However, with life going in so many different directions and feeling a bit displaced as well, I thought 'What the heck. Let's do it!' So after picking up Michael from school on Friday, we all loaded into the minivan and headed south to beautiful Santa Barbara.

Because of the holiday weekend, almost every one of the hotels in Santa Barbara was sold out. This posed quite a challenge because I didn't want to 'rough it' in Santa Barbara. I didn't need the Ritz, but I needed a place that made me feel like I was actually on vacation. The way I classify this is that if I can walk around a hotel room barefoot, I feel comfortable. The minute I think that the room isn't clean or is dirty, there will be no relaxing for me! We found a darling hotel right off the beach called the Franciscan Inn. We decided that we would stay for 2 nights and then spend Sunday leisurely driving back and hitting some stops on the way home. By this logic, we would be able to go on vacation and then spend all Monday at home relaxing and catch up on things.

The kids did great on the way down. Damien and I kept waiting for the horrible holiday traffic, but alas- there was none! Matthew napped and the older kids watched a few DVDs on the way down and made the 5 hour drive a breeze. We stopped once and had dinner at a drive-in restaurant and had burgers and milkshakes (no diets on vacation). The most fabulous thing about this restaurant was that they had the best, and I mean the BEST, onion rings I have ever had in my life. Damien agreed and so did the kids. I am not sure what it was, but they were so good. If only I could remember the name of the restaurant!

We were doing great. We were fed and ready for the last leg of the trip. We love our GPS system in our car. It takes the guesswork out of driving and directions and we followed it. It told us to get off of Highway 101 and take a different highway (note: yahoo maps recommended the same thing). So we took the advice from the GPS and got on the new highway. It was pretty and scenic and definitely more interesting than 101. We saw the most adorable little town called Los Olivos and it reminded us of a city we visited years ago in Florida called, Celebration. We continued on this very curvy highway until we were within 10 miles of Santa Barbara. It was only then that we realized we could've just stayed on 101 the whole way down. The GPS gave us the shortest route, but had we realized the shorter route would've taken longer, we wouldn't have taken it. This was especially true when Michael complained that he thought he might throw up. Luckily, I had a gallon ziplock bag and passed it back to him. We arrived at the hotel just in time to get Michael out of the car and have him 'lose his dinner', so to speak, into the bag. I think the combination of the curvy drive while watching a movie didn't agree with his stomach. We checked in without any hastle and just as we thought, the hotel was perfect.

One thing I didn't really think about before we went on this vacation was how the mornings would go in the hotel room. The kids were exhausted and slept so soundly that night. Matthew started stirring around 7:45 a.m. and Damien and the kids were still fast asleep. As not to wake them, I snuck out of bed, grabbed a diaper for Matthew, grabbed my purse and out of the hotel room we crept. "Now what?" I thought. It was a beautiful Southern California morning and the sea air was cool and crisp. I stopped by the hotel for a cup of coffee and off Matthew and I went. I strolled him down to the beach; we looked at the birdies, gazed at the flags blowing in the wind, and just hung out. It was really cute to be alone with him walking throughout the city. We walked for about 45 minutes and returned to the hotel to notice the kids (Damien included) were still sleeping! So, I went to the continental breakfast in the hotel and loaded up goodies for the three of them. When I opened the door to the hotel room, it was still pitch black. I thought that they would be so drowsy but the kids were so excited to be getting breakfast in bed they forgot about it.

We ventured out that morning and drove through the city to get our bearings. While exploring, we found one of the best Farmer's Markets we have ever seen. The produce was amazing and we sampled and ate until our tummies were content. Surprisingly, Claire wanted to try figs and loved them. We bought fresh peaches, pistachios, focaccia, figs, and lemonade. It was glorious and so relaxing! Matthew napped through the whole thing which made it wonderful for me!

Next, we headed to the Beach and prepared to schlep all our stuff to the surf. Damien brought the stroller (packed with all our beach belongings) and we set up really close to the ocean. The kids wanted to run right into the waves, but we made them put on their life jackets. We were happy we brought them because crazy Claire ran right into a wave, got pummeled and started being pulled out a little bit. Damien got her and kept a close eye on the kids. Matthew got his first taste of the ocean and squealed when the frigid saltwater buried his little feet in the sand. Every time a new wave came in- I could tell how excited he was to feel the water on his feet. He loved it! We stayed there for a few hours- though the kids could've stayed there all day. I brought sand toys for the kids and they built sandcastles and we just relaxed.

We spent the rest of the day relaxing and exploring the Mission Santa Barbara, the sunken gardens, tasting ice cream from many of the ice cream shops, and rejoicing over this amazing opportunity to make new memories together as a family.

The following morning, we went to mass at the Mission, packed up and headed north for a day of more exploration on our drive home. First stop was a town called Solvang which is a Danish town that was so cool. There were hundreds of stores and restaurants in this themed town. We sampled chocolates and Danish treats from the numerous bakeries (Michael loved this). Temperature-wise Santa Barbara was beautiful but cool as the ocean winds swept the heat away. But Solvang, which is not near the ocean, was a sweltering 106 degrees that day. We kept pouring water over Matthew and made sure all of us kept hydrated. At lunch at a Danish cafe, we discovered Matthew had finally gotten his second tooth. Woohoo! Solvang was really really neat and one day I plan to take my Mom there and shop all day long!

Next, we stopped at the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo. If you have never been there, it is out of this world. Not in the way you are thinking, instead in a very gawdy and kind of eccentric way. Each of its 200 plus rooms are individually themed. It is totally over the top and the kids couldn't get over the amount of pink in the main lobby! Michael thought it was pretty cool that the urinal in the men's bathroom was a giant waterfall. You really have to see this place to believe it! (Click on the Madonna Inn above and check out the online room tour!)

We had planned to go to Hearst Castle and did, but unfortunately, once we got there- we realized we missed the last tour by 40 minutes. To get to Hearst Castle, you have to leave Highway 101 and take the more scenic Highway 1. It was so beautiful as the sun went down. And that my friends, was the LAST beautiful thing about that day. From here- it just got worse and worse! Let me explain . . .

We were low on gas, the kids were hungry, it was dark and we had to take the extremely treacherous Highway 1 all the way home (It was too far to backtrack to Highway 101). Matthew decided he was DONE with the car ride and got pretty fussy. To top this all off, I offered to drive in order to give Damien a break. Beautiful Highway 1 turned into the most curvy, twirly, hairpin after hairpin highway I have ever seen. I was so scared while I was driving and feeling like we would never find a restaurant for the kids. Damien was having a hard time calming Matthew, Claire thought she had to pee, Michael felt like he was going to barf again, and I was having cold sweats behind the steering wheel. As we came dangerously close to the cliff's edge with every turn, I kept looking for a place to pull over to either A) help Michael barf B) try and calm Matthew down or C) get out some granola bars I had packed for the ride. Apparently the answer was D) keep driving down the most hellish road I had ever driven in my life while all 3 of my kids were absolutely miserable. I know a lot of people LOVE Highway 1, but I challenge those people to drive it with three kids in the car.*
* (Kids must be 6 years and younger or challenge does not apply.)

Long story- Michael never threw up. He did, however, fall asleep with the ziplock under his mouth. Matthew did calm down, Claire toughed it out, and we finally made it home late that evening. When we woke up the next morning, Damien and I laughed and laughed at the previous evenings events. And while we had a lovely time in Santa Barbara and Solvang, we will probably remember being trapped in the minivan with three unhappy, car sick children more than the vacation. But so is life. You laugh and move on!

7 Months Old

When Matthew first entered our lives- it seemed at times that it took great strength and patience to get through a week. Now, without much struggle- the months are flying by! When people ask me how old Matthew is, it pains me to say 7 months. It just sounds so old to me. I look at my little baby and can't believe he has been with us so long! The one thing I can take 100% comfort in is that all of us- Damien, Michael, Claire, and myself have not wasted a minute of his life. We enjoy every new milestone, mouth wide-open smile, hiccup, baby goos and coos, and sweet moments of his life.

This month, Matthew has developed a lot! He is sitting for long periods of time while playing with his toys. You can tell he feels pretty cool to be doing something so 'big boy'. While sitting he is able to watch Michael and Claire play and also likes to watch Mommy cook dinner and clean up the kitchen. He is using both hands more evenly this month. He used to only reach out and grab with his left, but he now uses his right almost as frequently. He is getting a bit more tummy time and has been pivoting, but gets tired of it and rolls over. He now will roll from his back to his tummy as well as from his tummy to his back. He is getting very quick and I have to be very careful if I am holding something because he will bat at it. Long gone are the days where I could hold a drink in my hand and enjoy it. Matthew either hits it or wants a taste! He is really bearing weight these days, too. He loves to stand (with assistance, obviously) and is even entertaining the idea of pulling himself up. He has grown a little more impatient with car rides as he now knows what it means when I put him in his carseat. He will hold onto me for dear life when I try and put him in there. Luckily, if Claire is in the car she will start to sing, 'Three Little Fishies" and he will become distracted. This new found impatience doesn't have the best timing as most of Matthew's morning is spent carpooling the kids to school. But as the kids have had to adjust to the new school routine, so will Matthew.

Matthew has really been a lot of fun this month. He is constantly smiling at things and people and hyper-aware of his surroundings. He understands peek-a-boo and likes to sing songs and tango. Since the kids were small, we have always done a tango dance to a song from the Wiggles. Although Matthew has never seen the Wiggles, he still loves the song and knows to put his hand out to tango with us! Matthew has always been a Mama's boy, but this month in particular, he is always watching where I am and wants to be with me if I am close to him. This makes it difficult when others are holding him and I am in the near vicinity. Sometimes I feel like I am MacGyver when I am trying to allude him! He has been doing this funny slapping thing when I hold him these days. He just slaps my shoulder over and over and I am not sure he even knows he is doing it but it sure is cute. He also has gotten into the arm squeezing this month- not so fun. This month he has been doing so much more with his hands. He reaches out for things, holds them, and knows how to mimic simple movements. If I say 'Bang Bang", he will usually do it. They kids find this fascinating and funny. One other thing that I can't forget to mention is that ever since he was about 4 months old, when people say hi to Matthew, he plays shy and puts his face into my neck. It is the sweetest thing! It is not that he is bashful, he just gets so excited that he has to retreat to my shoulder to compose himself before he engages again. I kind of hope he doesn't give this up for a while!

We traveled a lot this month and he was a champ. He is so used to napping on the go and just rolling with the punches. Whether we travel by car or airplane- he has never caused a problem and I am so thankful for this!

Matthew continues to love food and has gotten more tastes of things this month. Everyday, he eats rice cereal with a veggie or fruit and snacks on small pieces of things that we are eating. He feels cool at dinnertime when he joins us at the table in his highchair. He loves to drink water from his sippy cup and as I mentioned earlier, loves to steal drinks from our cups, too. When I put out some finger food for him on the tray of the high chair, he will reach out and grab one but hasn't figured out how to let go of it in his mouth. Instead, he puts his whole fist in his mouth and sucks and sucks until the food has disintegrated.

Matthew got 2 teeth this month! First came the lower left incisor and then the right. It is kind of cute to see the little white teeth glisten when he smiles! Lucky for me, he has only bitten me once thus far and I have faith that he will be a good little boy and not do it again (fat chance, huh!).

Life with Matthew is awesome. He enriches our lives and reminds us to ignore life's bigger stresses. There is nothing like the innocence of a little baby to remind you what life is really about. We love the feeling of being around our large families with Matthew, love being with him in church, and love the quiet moments after Damien and I put Michael and Claire down for the night when we have Matthew all to ourselves.

Kindergarten

Can it be? Is Michael really starting Kindergarten? I remember last January when we were applying for Kindergarten and having a hard time believing that we were at this point in our parenting- 'parents of a kindergartner'. Well, the time has come and Michael is ready for school. The new group of Kindergarten moms are awfully organized and have been having play groups with the kids all summer. Due to the fact that we were gone most of the summer, Michael missed most of them but was able to join the kids on the last playdate. It was crazy to see him running around with the kids he will be in school with for the next 9 years!

Unlike entering preschool, which made Michael nervous and apprehensive, Michael has welcomed this new change with flying colors. He was very excited to start school and take this new challenge head-on.

On the morning of August 23rd, his first day of Kindergarten was here! School starts an hour earlier than his preschool did so it makes the new school mornings a little slower and harder to get out the door. But on his first day, he popped right out of bed, put on his uniform, and welcomed a day full of new beginnings. All the kids looked so cute in their uniforms. Damien and I both went to Catholic school and wore uniforms, but it is a whole different experience to see your child in one. And from a parenting perspective, it has been so easy to just put the uniform on in the morning instead of fumbling through his drawers to see what he should wear!

When we got to school, most of the kids were standing near their parents. You could tell they were all excited, but unsure of the process. The teachers came out and told them to take a seat on the benches outside the classroom. When the teacher rings the bell in the morning, you give your mom and dad a quiet wave to say goodbye. We waited with Michael for a few minutes until the teachers came out. She rang the bell and Michael waved goodbye. And that was it! No sad tears, no nervous faces or anything. It was a smooth transition. We picked him up a few hours later and he was smiling. He told us how cool Kindergarten was and how it was nothing like preschool. And just like that, the school year is off to a good start.

The school wide theme this year is, "Keep The Faith". I think it is so appropriate for our family. From the day Michael was born until now, we have had to rely on our faith to get us through the difficult times. God has been with Michael and our family through many seemingly scary times. He has also been with us through the triumphant times. Faith is what has got us here to this very day- and I have faith in this school that it will guide my children through both an education and spiritual journey.

I thought I would be so sad to see Michael go to Kinder-garten. I thought that my heart would ache when I saw him in his uniform and making such a giant leap to a big boy school. But surprisingly- Michael's easy transition has put me at ease. I think another part of it is that he is still only going for 3 hours a day. I know it will be harder to send him off next year when he will be away from me for 7 hours. I truly feel blessed that I have been able to stay home with my kids. I feel spoiled in a way because I am aware of everything that happens in their day to day life. Staying home does make it a little harder to let them go because you are so used to having control over their day, solving all their problems, and being able to make sure they are alright. Luckily, Michael's teachers seem to be very sweet, sensitive, and nurturing.

Michael, we are so proud of you. You are a wonderful and charismatic boy who brings both happiness and color into most any situation. We are so proud of you that you were able to trust this new experience and make the most of it. While part of me is sad to have you away from me everyday, I know that Kindergarten will help mold and shape you into an even more well rounded and amazing little boy. You have come a long way and fought the odds to be with us and we will never be able to thank you enough for your bravery and fight. Welcome to Kindergarten! We know you'll do great!

Cool Kids

Time seems to have flown by since I had Matthew. I get through the days and make sure that the kids' needs are met, make sure they are happy and fed, and go to sleep. (Occasionally I pay attention to Damien, too!) I have watched them grow and change on a daily basis, but what is blowing my mind are the big changes in their personality and how they view the world around them.

Today, Michael came downstairs and asked for a comb. I told him there was one in the bathroom and I heard him go in there and shut the door. He was in there for a while, came out and turned off the light. At the time, I was feeding Matthew so I didn't look at him when he came out. Then Michael said, "How do I look?" Then there was a pause. "Do I look cool?" I looked up and saw Michael in all his splendor. He had a smug look on his face and was eagerly awaiting my response. "Wow, Michael. You look so cool!" I said. I bit my cheeks as not to laugh but I couldn't quite get over the whole outfit! He had wet his hair and combed it all forward. He was wearing two shirts, one longer than the other and to top it off- he had on a suede frayed cowboy vest. A white wrist band adorned his right wrist and he had on athletic shorts and sandals. In his mind, he looked cool and he had the confidence to prove it.

I wondered what went through his head as he got his outfit together. Was he thinking, 'You know what would make this outfit pop? A vest. But not any vest. It must be suede and scream- cool.' What was his thought process as he gathered up everything and why all the sudden was he searching for an outfit to make him seem cool? None of this really mattered at this point. I had to address him in this very moment- vest and all. I had to echo and affirm his coolness and make him feel good. He obviously had a vision and he felt he had pulled it off. What was even funnier, ehhem- I mean cooler, than the outfit is that he wanted me to take pictures of him doing what he called, 'cool poses'. Then he wanted me to shoot a video (which I won't post as not to totally blow his cover). I went with all of this, never bursting into the hysterical laughter which kept trying to come out.

Claire caught on to the whole photo shoot thing and asked if she could go upstairs and put on her coolest outfit. 'Of course' I told her. She came downstairs, confident in her choices and joined the photo opp. She had on her pink checkered Vans (courtesy of Natalie), her jeans with embroidered flowers on them, her olive green shirt complete with sequins and lace, and a clip snapped onto the front of her hair. It was so interesting to see their choices, both very cool- yet very different.

I went along with all of this and relished the moment where they didn't rely on me to make them feel cool and confident. They are getting older and are able to express themselves independent of me. They can dress themselves, do their own hair, and pick out clothes that express their likes and moods. I think I would've been a little bit sad knowing that they don't need me as much anymore if it weren't for Matthew who was in my arms through all of this. Earlier in the morning I had dressed him, put his diaper on, and if it weren't for me- he'd be a mess. So, while I will continue to embrace Michael and Claire's cool independence, I will enjoy the fact that Matthew is still completely dependent on me to exist! However, I don't know what I will do the day that Matthew walks downstairs in a suede vest! Remind me when Michael gets a little older to give it to Goodwill!

Broadway Baby

My Dad gave Claire a new CD Player for St. Claire's Day and she has been enjoying it ever since. She especially loves listening to my Annie and Beauty and the Beast (Broadway version) Cds because you can listen to them and the songs tell a story. Well, it was late afternoon and I told the kids they needed to go to their rooms for some quiet time (aka- time when you are away from mommy so she can find some sanity). I really don't care what they do during quiet time. When they were younger, this time was called 'Nap Time'. Now that they are older and only nap every once in a while, we call it 'Quiet/Rest Time'. They can read, put together puzzles, play with their toys, listen to music . . . I don't care as long as they stay in their rooms. Well, this particular afternoon, Claire chose to listen to Beauty and the Beast.

I stayed for the first song. We heard the narrator say, "Once upon a time, in a faraway land- a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish and unkind". And so the story went. The Cd continued to play, and I left Claire to play and clean her room to the music. About an hour or so later, I went upstairs to check on the kids. Michael was playing in his room with the door open, but Claire's door was closed. I knocked, but she didn't answer. So, I slowly opened the door and there was Claire sitting on her bed. At first she didn't see me, but as soon as she did, she startled and quickly stood up. The look on her face made me think she was hiding something, so naturally I asked her, "Claire- Are you hiding something? What did you do?" She said she wasn't hiding anything but the look on her face made me suspicious. I was going to ask her a follow-up question but something on her face caught me eye. "What is on your face?" I asked. It looked like she had smeared lip gloss on her cheek. I asked her if it was lip gloss, and she said no. And then it hit me. "Where you crying?" She shook her head no. "Claire, if you were crying- you can tell me." Again, she denied it. I heard the music and song that was playing was where the Beast 'dies' and then turns back into a human. "Oh, Clairey. Were you crying because you were sad that the Beast died?" Not a moment passed before she burst into tears. Big, sobbing tears. I picked her up and sat on her bed. As beautifully as the song played, so did this picture perfect moment. Claire in my arms, soothing my baby, telling her it would be okay while the music played on. It hurt my heart that she didn't want me to know she was crying, yet longed to be comforted. I was so happy that I walked in at that moment and was able to rescue her from her sadness.

Because I am with Matthew so much of the day, I do yearn to spend alone time with my older kids. Lucky for me, when I walked in on Claire that afternoon, Matthew was fast asleep. I had plenty of time to hold her and give her the support and love she needed. It felt so good- that I too, shed a tear or two. I love that music brought Claire to tears. I love that music was able to pull emotion from her heart. I love that in the end, she wasn't afraid to show this emotion to me.

As I held her, the song wound down, her emotions winding down with it. And as I held her, we listened together as the Cd played, "Certain as the sun, Rising in the East. Tale as old as time, Song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast."

Jill is 30!

In the midst of our crazy summer and the million things going on, I forgot to write about my sister, Jill, turning 30! I especially can't believe I forgot since I made a mental note to broadcast it to the world after she was so excited when I turned 30. She even called me the night before I turned 30 to let me know that it was my last day in my 20s. I don't think Jill really cares how old I am or that I am 21 months older than her. I thought it was funny when she has the shot- she takes it. When we were kids, I always loved being the oldest. I got to drive first, graduate from high school first and move out of Mom and Dad's house first. Yet, as I have surpassed all of the 'seemingly cool' age milestones, it is her turn to watch me approach "The Hill" and then eventually go over it- FIRST. So, I guess I deserve all the phone calls the night before my birthday. It is just her way of getting me back!

It was nice to be at my parent's house this summer in August when Jill turned 30! Brian (her husband) treated 45 of her family and friends to a Seattle Mariner's game. They were slated to play the Boston Red Sox, so we knew Safeco Field would be sold out and rockin'! The birthday was surprise party of sorts. Meaning- Jill knew something was going on, but didn't know what and where. It was funny to kind of mess with her head. The plan was so go to a dinner in Seattle, followed by the baseball game. Her husband told her that she needed to bring her swimming suit and rollerblades. She was both nervous and apprehensive after his warning, but it was fun for the rest of us to watch her sweat a little bit. I had a hard time keeping it a secret as I was constantly sneaking away to do one of a million little touches for her party. It didn't help that the baptism for Matthew and Kyle was less than 24 hours after Jill's party. But it was one heck of a weekend!

We all met at FX McRory's in Seattle and waited for Jill to arrive. The funny thing was that she snuck in before we could say "Surprise" and instead, she said, "Surprise- I'm Here!". We all had a great time there and then walked over to the game. We had some fun things planned for the game and wanted to make sure we got there before she did. We had 8 poster boards, each with a letter that said, "Jill Is 30". Unfortunately, a few of the people holding the signs, didn't quite get the message. We also had 40 "Faces of Jill". We took a picture of her, made it life size, cut it out, and then glued it onto a tongue depressor. It actually looked quite real and we got many a laugh out of them. After an hour or so, a few of the faces became disfigured and people were coming up with many interesting things to do with the "Jill Face". Enough said. We passed around a new treat every inning to the guests and all of us were stuffed by game's end.

It was a late night as the game started at 7:05 p.m. Luckily, all of the kids that were in our group were troopers and made it through. Matthew enjoyed his first MLB ballgame and the game was a thriller and the stadium stayed packed until the last out. Somehow, Damien managed to ignore the boo's that filled the stadium when the giant video screen showed Barry Bonds finally hitting home run 755. All in all, Jill was happy and so were her family and friends. It was wonderful night for a wonderful sister, mother, wife, friend, and beautiful person. Unfortunately, our pathetic attempts at getting on the jumbotron failed (Jill faces, and all!). But it didn't matter. Being with my sister, my best friend, on her 30th birthday and seeing the positive and amazing impact she had on all who surrounded her that night- was as good as it gets. Happy 30th Birthday Jilly and here's to many, many more. Love you.

Teething Twosome

I had written a while back that I loved Matthew's gummy mouth. I loved that when he smiled, the light glistened off his little gums. I loved that when he chewed on my knuckle- I could barely feel it. I have always loved that when a baby has a mouth without teeth- you can be pretty certain that you have an itty bitty baby. Well- those days are gone. After months of drooling, gnawing on teethers, fists, and fingers-Matthew has his first tooth! He woke up the morning of August 11th, just shy of 6 1/2 months with extremely swollen and red gums. I felt bad for him and knew that the tooth was so ready to come in. The kids and I played with him in the morning and put him down for a nap. Somewhere between falling asleep and waking up, he sprouted his first tooth.

The funny thing about Matthew getting his first tooth is that at the same time as Matthew was working so hard to break his tooth through his gums, Michael is working on losing his first tooth. And would you believe that it is the same tooth in both my boys mouth? I suppose once you have a few kids, this losing and gaining teeth thing overlaps. I just find it funny that they were working on the same tooth at the same time! (In case you are wondering, it is the bottom right incisor). Michael is really excited that his tooth is loose. He tells anyone that will take the time to listen about this new experience. He has a hard time eating hard or sticky things as it puts a lot of pressure on his wiggly tooth. Everyday- it gets a little looser and I am actually looking forward to seeing him with a little black hole in his smile. He is looking forward to losing it too, as he thinks losing this tooth will make him able to whistle. Um, we'll see about that.

So there you have it. My little baby finally got his first tooth and my biggest baby is losing one. Needless to say, I am surrounded by the wonder of childhood and infancy and truly enjoying each and every new stage. Even if these stages overlap a bit!

Matthew's Baptism

On August 5th, Matthew was baptized! Our little family felt so blessed to see him welcomed into God's family! We had a private ceremony which was presided over by Fr. Art and it was wonderful. Fr. Art married us and has baptized all of our children so it felt great for him to be with us during this very important and holy moment.

The scheduling of this sacrament was a confusing one because we had to work with Fr. Art's schedule and also coordinate with my sister. We decided a while back that we would baptize the two cousins together since they are so close in age (3 1/2 months apart) and it just felt right. We know that when Kyle and Matthew look back on this special day, they will not only be thankful for all the family and friends who were there to witness their special moment but also appreciate the uniqueness of their receiving this sacrament together!

We are thrilled that Jill and Brian are Matthew's godparents and we feel honored and touched to be able to be Kyle's godparents. It was wonderful to be given the responsibility of guiding Kyle through his life with God and we know that Jill and Brian feel the same way. The ceremony/mass was great despite both the boys being tired and ready to nap. Matthew fell asleep half way through the mass and was surprised to be woken up to the holy water being poured over his head. His surprise only lasted a moment as he soon fell back to sleep once Father wiped off his head. Kyle did the best he could, despite being tired and hot from the temperature in the church. He quieted down once the baptismal candle was lit and in front of him. It proved to be a great distraction! We were so happy to have all three grandmother's read a reading and for Father to deliver us an introspective homily about eternity.

After the baptism, we all went over to Jill and Brian's house and had a wonderful time. The love we felt from our family and friends was immense and we can't thank everyone enough for making the effort to be there. Damien's parents and his brother Ryan left Yosemite late the night before, got home, packed, and turned around to go to the airport to share in Matthew's special day. We truly appreciate all everyone went through to support our family. Once everyone left the party, the boys played on the floor in their matching baptismal outfits and Jill and I let out a sigh of relief that we had finally done it (with an incredible amount of help from our Mom). The boys are baptized and it was a day that we won't soon forget.

8 Years Later

It has been eight years since I married Damien. In my heart, our wedding/marriage was so right, so perfect. I look back fondly on the memories and shake my head when I look back at pictures and see two young kids taking such a giant leap! Not only were we young, but so were our family and friends! In so many ways, it doesn't seem that long ago. But when I realize that Gina was still in high school, Seamus was 2 years old, and I didn't have any kids- I realize just how long ago that was!

I remember the night before the wedding so clearly. After the rehearsal dinner, everyone gathered at my parent's house and had a pre-wedding party. I remember chatting away with my sisters and girlfriends while the guys were out back shooting hoops. It was so wonderful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of people and for a few moments- they were able to shake my nerves down a bit. I remember the night winding down to a close, and knowing that I would have to say goodbye to Damien- only to see him again the next day when I walked down the aisle. I remember catching wind that Damien's friends were going to throw him into the lake that night as a prank and how I got so upset! Somehow, after crying about this and getting wound up, Gina ended up singing me to sleep. I remember getting up the next morning to a giant bouquet of red roses from my husband-to-be. I remember getting my hair done with my Mom and sisters and how I had cold cans of Coke on my eyes because they were red and puffy from the crying fit the night before. I remember when I first caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror once my hair and veil were done and how I thought, Now I look like a bride. Who could forget the limo pulling into the driveway and all my sisters, sister-in-laws, friends and family belting the song, Going to Chapel and I'm Gonna Get Married. I'll never forget how the feeling of being calm and cool went away and how the nerves began to set in.

I was calm most of the day, enjoying the fun surrounding this awesome day. We took pictures, laughed and listened to music in the Bride's room, and tried to avoid having the bride and groom cross paths. Soon the ceremony would start and the coordinator told us it was time. My bridesmaids left me and headed for the back of the church. It grew quiet and for the first time that day, I felt alone. I wanted to see Damien so bad and I just knew he felt the same way.

There was a knock at the door and my Dad came into the bridal room and saw me. He said, "How ya doin' kiddo? You look beautiful." I said I was okay. We walked around the perimeter of the church, arm in arm, so that Damien would have no chance of seeing me before the doors opened. I told my Dad I was nervous- he said I'd do great. All the basketball games he had watched me play in, all the pep talks he had given me, and here we were and I think both of us said about two words to each other. The wedding had started and I was just waiting for my cue. And there it was, and the doors opened, and there he was . . . waiting for me. It was literally a breath-taking moment. And the rest is history. Eight years of history- to be exact.

As we danced at the reception to The Way You Look Tonight, time stopped for a few minutes. We had waited for this day for a long time and we soaked up every ounce of it. We were married and ready to ride the roller coaster of life together. We had no way of knowing what our future would hold for us, but it is comical to look back and know what was in store for us (can you say peril in Paris?). All in all, our marriage has only gotten stronger since the day we promised our lives to each other. Three children, life in a foreign country, living in 5 different apartments/houses all in eight years is A LOT! While some times have been difficult, I am confident that neither Damien nor I would change a thing. God only gives you what you can handle. And handle we have.

So, Damien . . . here is to another eight years of happiness and roller coaster rides. I wouldn't want to experience life with anyone but you.