A Day In My New Life

I have been trying to find a new flow for my life with four kids. I am not afraid to take them all out of the house and spend little time worrying if I can handle all of this craziness. I basically just put my head down and move forward while hoping to avoid crisis and utter chaos! Today, I looked at my older three kids and realized that it had been a while since I had taken them out for some fun. Up to this point, Damien, my Mom, or my sister-in-law Heather were the only ones that had taken them out!

It just so happened that today the kids had swim lessons. I was bound and determined to be successful at this outing. It was my first time I took all four of them out and had to be on time to something. I started getting ready pretty early to head out. I packed the swim bag, I got them all dressed, I did their hair, I got snacks for the ride home, and even managed to put on some clean clothes myself! We were off! Claire was telling me that they had been late before and she was nervous that we would be late again. I assured her that Mommy had it all under control and she seemed to believe me. I was right! We got to swim lessons ten minutes early and there were all smiles in my car! I got all four kids out of the car and moved them safely to the sidewalk and went back to get my purse and the swim bag. "Hey guys, where is the swim bag?", I asked them. As the words came out of my mouth, the vision of the pink swim bag sitting next to the TV in the family room made me realize that my packed swim bag was at home. I broke the news to them and tried to make it better by explaining that all that was in there were their towels, their change of clothes and their goggles. Claire took a step toward me, looked me in the eyes and said, "Who are you and what have you done with my Mom?" I had to laugh but I understood exactly what she was saying. I am a detail person. I don't forget things like this. I am organized and rarely do my kids see me screw up like this. I assured them that I would fix it all and that it wouldn't be a big deal.

The kids swam without goggles which was not a big deal because they really didn't need them. They had a great lesson. They swam the length of the pool and back in both the crawl stroke and back stroke and I was so impressed with their progress! Damien had been taking them to their bi-weekly lessons so I hadn't seen how much they had improved! After they were done swimming, I took them outside and told them to stand in the sun and dry off a little bit. No towels? No problem. Sure, Claire had to ride home half dressed and poor Michael was naked in his car seat with only Emily's receiving blanket to cover him. It was a sad sight to see my kids looking so disheveled- but we made it home in one piece!

Later that afternoon, I took them all to Barnes and Noble to get them some books for some summer reading. They had been begging me to go and get a new book and I had to pay attention to their requests! Claire wanted to get a new Judy Moody book and Michael wanted to get Captain Underpants. We went into the bookstore, both babies in the double stroller, with Michael and Claire leading the way. Matthew was so happy to be in the kids section because every Tuesday after my appointments when I was pregnant with Emily, we would come here for a coffee and to read books! We were all gathered in a corner when Matthew tried to squeeze between me and a bookshelf to show Claire a Disney Princess book he found. Unfortunately, he tripped on my shoe, fell into a sharp book case and hit his hip then bounced forward head first and smacked his forehead on a wire book rack. Matthew was hysterical. I picked him up and calmed him down. When he stopped crying, I helped him find some books to read and he went to check them out. While I was talking with Claire about her choice of book- Matthew walked back over, looked at me and said "Barsh" which means "Barf". "No!" I told him but I could tell neither Matthew or I could stop the puke on the way. I looked around to see what I could catch the Barsh in but I had nothing. I put down my coffee (you have to protect your coffee at all cost) and then cupped my hands together and before you new it- I had more puke in my hands than you can imagine. When Matthew was done- I looked around to see if anyone was watching us. Nope. I then realized I had to figure out how to solve this problem we had! I looked at Michael and asked him, "Michael, what should I do?" but he just gagged and gave me little advice. I got control and told Michael to get Emily's blanket from her car seat to lay on the ground. He threw it on the ground and I managed to smooth the blanket out with my shoe. I then emptied the contents from my hands, gathered up the other nastiness that had fallen on the floor and put that in the blanket. Then I rolled the blanket up and put it under the stroller and pretended that nothing had happened. We paid for our books, got something next door at Trader Joe's, and then headed home as if this outing was nothing out of the ordinary! When I told Damien about the drama at the bookstore he laughed and said that we should now call it Barsh and Noble!

My point is that when I only had one child, maybe even just two, this drama would have unraveled me and I don't know what I would have done. But somehow, the craziness that comes with four kids seems pretty natural to me. So what. My kids had to ride home naked from swim lessons. And who cares that I had a blanket full of barf in the bottom of my stroller. The kids swam and we got the summer reading books they wanted and whatever else that happened that day now seems pretty insignificant. I just had to write today's events down so that I can look back at this post years down the road and see how completely insane and delirious life really was with three kiddos and a newborn! BARSH!!!

2 Weeks Old!

I really cannot believe it has been two weeks since Emily was born. Things have been going pretty seamlessly, I have found a new rhythm, and I am gaining confidence every day that I can raise four kids! I must admit- some things are challenging. For instance, it is hard to try things for the first time and feel like I can be successful. I took Emily and Matthew to the grocery store the other day for a big shop and I surprised myself with my ability to still do the things I did before Emily joined our life! I have had to work harder to get places on time because I forget that when you have a baby who breastfeeds- you need to account for extra time to feed her. So far, these little speed bumps are the only things that really challenge me. Life with four children is a little crazier but oh so much fun.

So I am sure you can sense in my writing that I am feeling good about life. It sounds like I have it all figured out. Funny- I thought I was passing with flying colors until I took Emily to her doctor's appointment today. A little background. I feed Emily every 2 - 2 1/2 hours all day long. I am up at night with her, I cuddle and feed her all day long. Basically- I feel like I am feeding her 24/7. So you could imagine my great surprise when I took her in for her two week check up and found up that she lost more weight. What???? I was shocked! This baby is on the breast all day long! My doctor was concerned. Emily was born at 8 lbs. 1 ounce and was now 7 lbs. 2 ounces. When she left the hospital to come home, she was 7 lbs. 8 ounces. For her first week at home, I pumped and then fed her a bottle. Then, the second week I breastfed her exclusively and things seemed to be going great! My doctor asked if I thought I had enough milk. I answered yes because I was completely confident that I did. Then he asked if she was doing a good job eating and I told him that she latches on and eats for thirty minutes a feed. His instruction was for me to feed Emily every two hours and then supplement afterwards with one ounce of breast milk via a bottle. He wanted to see me back in three days to ensure she had started gaining weight or we would have a real problem.

I was seriously crushed. I felt like I had failed. How could this have happened? All my other kids got on the breast and were not only successful but gained weight like crazy! This is what is so strange. Just like I assumed my fourth labor would go like the others (and it didn't) I assumed that Emily would get on the breast and flourish like the others! The first twenty-four hours after I saw her doctor and found out she hadn't gained weight were tough. I felt in many ways that I had failed her. But how? I had spent countless hours feeding her. What was going on? When I started to pay closer attention to how she was eating- I realized that she really wasn't effective on the breast. Sure, she was sucking and going through the motions but I realized she wasn't doing those big, milk-drawing sucks that fill her tummy! After three days of feeding the heck out of her, I took her back to the doctor and she had gained eight ounces! So we are back on track and I will just wait for her to wake up more (she is a super sleepy baby) so that she can be more effective.

At home, Emily is loved all day long. The kids constantly want to hold her, she is rarely out of someones arms, she is sweet and calm, and she is getting used to the noisy and crazy world in the Swendsen house! She is eating a lot better (both on the breast and bottle) and is overall doing wonderfully. I have gotten used to not sleeping, Matthew has started really loving Emily and is constantly commenting on what she is doing. He says, "Emily eyes open!", "Emily is happy!", "Emily have keeks (cheeks)", and "Emily is cabby (crabby)". Matthew has adjusted really well but is now obsessed with having me do everything for him. Not Dad or anyone else. He makes sure that I am still a big part of his life. Michael and Claire are doing great with Emily. They have been amazing helpers and will hold her for fifteen minutes at a time so I can either shower, clean the house, or do other things that would be more difficult with a baby in my arms. Michael loves, loves, loves to help her when she cries (mostly when she is getting her diaper or outfit changed). Claire is continuing to be such an amazing 'Little Mommy' for both Emily and Matthew. Damien is continuing to help out with anything and everything and we are all just doing really well.

I really can't remember or imagine life without my sweet Emily. She makes me so happy and I am absolutely in love with her. To think that two weeks have passed is just crazy. In many ways I has been a long two weeks but in so many others, I feel as though I have just given birth to her. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for my little girly.

A Meaningful Father's Day

Damien is an amazing father. It was one of the things I knew he be great at when we met back in college. When we had started dating, we both talked about how we would both want big families. When I saw him play with children or volunteer at the Special Olympics- I saw how he had such a natural way with kids. I don't think you can teach this love of children- I think that some people are just naturally good with kids! I continue to be amazed at his ability to multi-task with our babies, the way he finds patience when I am sure he has no more, and the genuine interest he has for all that the kids do. Damien can play Lego Star Wars for hours with Michael, he gets into the spirit and plays Barbies with Claire, and basically does whatever Matthew wants him to do! Damien knows what a gift his children are. He takes time whenever he can find it to spend with our kids because they are growing up so fast! I can't say enough about his dedication and love for them. It makes me so proud.

Emily was born just a little over a week before Father's Day. Her first week passed in a blur and before I knew it- Father's Day was just a few days away! I was happy I had the foresight to get all of Damien's gifts before she was born so that was a relief! We knew that we weren't going to be able to travel on this day to be with our families. Lucky for us, Damien's whole family moved the event down to our area and had it at our house. It wasn't stressful at all for me because they brought all the food and cleaned up before they left! I think in total, we had about twenty people over here to celebrate the Dad's in our life! Ryan, Damien's brother, barbecued and we all enjoyed the ridiculously beautiful California day! It was also a great day because we got to introduce Emily to Damien's family. I was happy that everyone enjoyed themselves and also happy that it was held at my house so I could keep Emily home and have all of the baby gear near me. After everyone had left, Damien and I took all four kids for a walk around the neighborhood. It was awesome to get out and walk around with them. They played on a tire swing (with pushes compliments of Dad) and we also went to the park. It was an awesome Father's Day.

It was really wonderful to see Emily with her Daddy today. We can't believe she is here and Damien was just overjoyed to have her in his arms today. She totally recognizes his voice and is just so sweet with him. It's funny how having a new baby can remind you how fragile and precious life really is. Having Emily here today on Damien's special day really was moving and we both just stared at this new little miracle in his arms and thanked God for making him a father again.

We are also thankful for our Fathers! A special Happy Father's Day/Birthday to my Dad who has been such a great example of an amazing parent to me. I hope with all my heart that Claire and Emily will love their Daddy like I love mine. I am so blessed to have my Dad in my life!

Happy Father's Day to Mark, Damien's Dad. Damien is lucky to have you in his life. You are always there to offer us whatever we need and your dedication and sacrifice speaks volumes.

Happy Father's Day!!!!!

My First Week!

Hi Every- body! It's me . . . Emily! It finally feels good to let everyone know that I am a girl and I am so happy to join all my family and friends in this great big world! I have had one busy week. I thought I was busy in my Mom's tummy- but WOW! I guess when you are the fourth baby born into a family, you need to be ready for anything. The day I came into the world was just amazing. I took a long dark ride and before I knew it- I was on my Mommy's chest and loving listening to her voice and being held so tightly. Since that moment, we have been going non-stop and I am loving it! Before I forget how much fun I had, let me tell you about my first week.

My First Visitors

When I was born, I heard a lot of people screaming with excitement that were thrilled that I was a girl! I guess my sister Claire really wanted a sister but little did she know, I wanted her as my sister, too! I was so happy so many people were there when I was born! I was so happy that Nonna, E, Papa, Ali, Michael, Claire, and Matthew came to see me in the days following my birth. I am so lucky to have so many people love me. I am also excited to take a trip to Kirkland later this summer so I can meet my Mommy's family. I know they can't wait to smooch my chubby cheeks!

My First Car Ride

During my first few days, my Mom and Dad held me all day long. It was weird to be put into a car seat although I did a great job. I heard my parents laughing on the drive back to my new house when they looked back and saw me and my three siblings all belted into our car. Now there is only one extra seat in our minivan! We have a lot of people in our family now!

My First Week with My New Family

There was a lot of noise when I got home. My brothers and sister were really excited to play with the prizes my Mommy gave them. She wrapped presents for all of them to open on the morning after I was born. This way- they might not miss my Mom and Dad as much and got to feel special about being a new BIG brother or sister. Once we got home- my big brother Matthew really wanted to show me the whole house. He grabbed my Mom's hand and led me and my Mom room by room through the house and was really excited to show me the double stroller that we both will ride in. I love that I am a girl because now Mom can call me her Baby Girl and call Matthew her Baby Boy. This way- no one gets their feelings hurt. Michael and Claire are really happy that our family is fair (as they call it). Three boys and three girls. We truly are balanced!

My First Princess Experience

On my very first night at home, Mommy put me into bed with my sister. Claire seemed to be really happy to have me next to her and she called me her Little Princess. I have a feeling that I am really going to look up my sister because she is such a special person! There sure is a lot of pink in her room and I know that in a few years, I will want to be just like her! Claire has already talked to my Mom about going to the mall to buy me some cute pink girly clothes. I have a feeling she is going to want to dress me up all the time!

My First Feeds

My Mom has been working hard to make me lots of milk. I had a hard time the first few days with latching on- so she pumped for my first five days. I thought this was kind of cool because this way- my Dad, Nonna, Claire, and Michael were able to feed me a bottle before I switched to full-time breastfeeding by day six. Now I am a great eater and am eating every 2 1/2 hours. My brother Matthew thinks it is magic that I can get milk from my Mommy.

My First Walk

At my baby shower, my Uncle Mark and Aunt Jocelyn got me and my brother Matthew a new double stroller. It has been really fun to ride in it with Matthew. I did great on my first walk and seem to like getting out of house and breathing the fresh air. It has been really hot in my house so I like the cool breeze and all the sounds of nature around me. Now I go on at least one walk a day and my Mom loves that finally- she can walk without worrying about me in her belly. The last walk she took was around Halloween so she is so happy to be out and about! I have a feeling we will be walking a lot this summer.

My First Doctor's Visit

When I was five days old- I went to go and see Dr. Safir to see how I was doing. He told my Mom that I was a really healthy baby girl! I know she was really proud of me. My Mom was happy that Nonna was able to come to the appointment and see me get weighed and measured. I didn't like getting my first shot- but I quickly calmed down and loved when Mom held me and made me feel better.

My First Bath

Because I hadn't lost my umbilical cord yet- my Mom and Nonna gave me a sponge bath. I like the water but really didn't like getting cold. I screamed through much of the bathing process but quieted down once I was wrapped up and held. I was even happier after I lost my umbilical cord on day seven. I took a real bath then and like being submerged in the warm water. My Mom told me that she couldn't believe how fast I was growing up!

All in all, I had an amazing first week. I am so happy to be out of my Mom's tummy and home with my loving family. We all adjusted amazingly well and I am so lucky to have Michael, Claire, and Matthew in my life because all they want to do is love me and make sure I am taken care of. After a week like this- who knows what the next week will hold!

Hospital and Homecoming

After I gave birth to Emily (on Friday)- my doctor let me know that she wanted me to stay in the hospital until Sunday morning. Initially- I thought that was just too long of a stay but I decided to just test the waters and see how we did. I felt really good after giving birth. I was physically exhausted but I felt really really good. I was able to get out of bed pretty easily and just felt emotionally intact. Of course it helped to have my beautiful little girl beside me in bed! On Friday night, the nurses suggested that I send Emily to the nursery for a few hours so that I could get some sleep and so they could observe her and make sure her blood sugar levels were staying within normal bounds. I told them I was okay with this as long as they brought her back to me once she seemed hungry. Sure enough- two hours after they took her over to the nursery, they returned her to me because my little baby was hungry! I nursed her and we fell back to sleep together in my hospital bed. Obviously- I was really tired. I would get about thirty minutes of sleep and then someone would come in to check my vitals, then someone would come to give Emily a newborn screen, then the pediatrician came, then the OB came to check me, and so it went! While I was extremely appreciative of the wonderful care I got at Good Samaritan Hospital- I was growing increasingly tired and sleep deprived! I had to laugh early one morning when a nurse came in and woke me up to give me some Motrin. She said to me, "You know- you should sleep when your baby sleeps." Um, yeah. That was what I was doing before I got woken up!

On Day two, my Mom (who had stayed the night at my house with my kids) brought the kids to the hospital to see their Mommy, Daddy, and new baby sister! It was so wonderful to see my kids and watch them stare at Emily and try and figure her out! I particularly loved having Matthew crawl into bed with me and snuggle. I needed to see my baby boy and love on him! All three kids got the chance to hold Emily and they just instantly fell in love with her. We showed them the safest way to hold her and let them have some time with her and they enjoyed it so very much!

Michael loved holding Emily and just had this angelic smile on his face the whole time. I think he requested to hold her the most while I was in the hospital. He just could not get enough of her! I know that Michael is really sensitive and knew he would love her- but I really couldn't have predicted just how sweet he would have been with her. It really makes me feel good to know I have raised a loving and sweet big boy!

Claire was again in all her glory. She wore a girly outfit to the hospital and just couldn't wait to get her hands on Emily. Her smile was more sheepish than Michael's. She was holding her sister! It was as if she was looking at Emily and thinking to herself, I knew you were a girl all along. No one else believed me that I knew- but I knew!!! I got such a kick out of her.


Matthew, who had a really bad cold and was feeling miserable, did his very best to get ready to hold his new sister. He was again a little hesitant but you can tell by the look on his face in this picture that he feels really special. He did a great job holding her. We debated about whether or not to have him hold her since he was feeling sick- but opted to let him have this moment with his new baby. You only live once!

All in all, the hospital stay was a good one- however, I was more than ready to leave when the time came! On the last day, my Mom again brought all of the kids to the hospital as we prepared to take Emily home with us! We had two cars there so Damien loaded up all of the flowers and miscellaneous stuff into one car. When we got the discharge paperwork- we were outta there! I got the customary first-class wheelchair ride out to the car and I thought back to my pregnancy and remembered the countless wheelchair rides I took while pregnant. This would be my last hurrah on wheels. I was so looking forward returning my wheelchair and walking again!

Putting yet another child into my car was nothing short of comical. When I turned around from the passenger seat and saw my four, YES FOUR, kids all strapped in- I had to laugh. I grabbed Damien's hand and knew we had made it. We were returning to our home, to our new life, intact as a family of six. When we got home, it was a bit overwhelming. Everything looked so different as I walked down our hallways and into our rooms with a new baby in my arms. You know, when you leave your house for the hospital to give birth, you do not come back the same person. You've gone through a major life change and along with that change comes a new life. Were there moments during the first few days that were overwhelming? Yes. Did I ask myself a few (okay a million) times, Can I do this? Yes. I had my moments. I like to call them New Mommy Moments. It doesn't matter if you are having your first or your fourth child. Once you bring a new life into the world- you need to find your new rhythm. At night time when Emily is awake and when my eyes are burning because all I want to do is sleep- I try and remember how quickly this precious stage passes. I don't want to miss one of her sweet little yawns. I just love when she purses her lips into a little O shape like she is whistling. I love how slowly she blinks when she is looking at me or around the room. I love the feeling of her curled up on my chest. I love stroking her soft chubby cheeks and talking sweetly to her as she searches to find my face. I love this. I love her. I am so glad she is here. Welcome Home Sweet Emily. Now our family is truly complete.

Emily's Birth Story

When my doctor told me that she had scheduled my cerclage removal for June 12th, my mind started racing. What would that day hold? Would we meet our new baby that day or would I be sent home to wait for the onset of later which could take days or even weeks. In preparation, my Mom flew in from Washington to be here to help me in whatever way she could. It was hard not to know if the baby would come when she was here or if we would have to wait! In the days preceding the cerclage removal- I cleaned, organized, prepped, and got everything and anything I could ready for the possible birth of baby #4.

Before we knew it, June 12th was here and we were giddy with excitement to see what would happen that day! I called Labor and Delivery at 7:00 a.m. to see if my procedure was still on and much to my delight- it was! My Mom, Damien, and I headed to the hospital and started the beginning to a long and exciting day. When I get my cerclage removed, I have to have it done with anesthesia and in an operating room. I really wanted to go through natural labor if the baby were to come so I asked the anesthesiologist if it were possible for me to get an epidural instead of a spinal. That way- if they were to induce labor, the epidural could wear off and I could experience natural childbirth as I had wanted. He thought that was a great idea and I received my epidural and waited to be wheeled into the OR. I was nervous and excited at the same time. With Matthew- I dilated to 7cm immediately once the cerclage was removed. There was no guarantee this would happen again so we waited patiently to hear the play by play from the doctor.

We went to the OR and they started prepping me for the procedure. Upon removing the first of two stitches- I dilated immediately to 3 cm. When she went to remove the top stitch- she said that she couldn't really get a hold of it because it was embedded in my cervix (which isn't a concern because these particular stitches will just absorb into your body). You can only imagine how much pressure must have been on that one stitch as it held the whole pregnancy together! She looked over the blue curtain and said that because I was only 3 cm- she was going to send me home. I have to admit- I was sick to my stomach. Go home? That wasn't what I wanted to hear. Before she finished the procedure, she realized I was having a contraction and that with the contraction- I went to 4 cm. Then she tried again to get the stitch out by massaging it and I went to 5 cm, then 6 cm and she changed her mind and said it was baby time! Yes! I was so relieved that we were going to get the show on the road. As we were leaving the operating room, she came over and said to me, "Some studies have shown that there is no such thing as an incompetent cervix. Well, they haven't met you!" We shared a laugh and they wheeled me back to room #8 where I first started that morning.

Damien went and told my Mom (who was in the waiting room) that it was baby time. We were all so happy that today would be Daniel or Emily's birthday! Once back in the room, they immediately started pitocin and after an hour of light labor- my doctor came in and broke my water. At this point I had about 90% sensation back from the epidural. I could definitely feel the contractions but they weren't painful yet, just uncomfortable. Things quickly took a more painful turn as the contractions came more frequently. The nurse came in about every thirty minutes to turn up the pitocin and it certainly made a difference. In the room were a lot of family and friends. I was so happy that friends and family were going to be there to experience this baby's birth. In the room were Damien, my Mom, my friend Karen, my sister-in-laws Heather and Ali, and my Mother-in-law Marlene. It was a packed room but I got strength from each and every one of them. I was starting to get really uncomfortable contractions in bed so the nurse asked if I wanted to labor on a birthing ball. At first I was sure I wouldn't want to do it but I tried it and loved it. It freed up most of my body and allowed me to relax my back and joints with each painful contraction. Soon, the contractions were coming every two minutes- lasting about a minute each time and giving me one minute to rest.

My kids were waiting in the waiting room and I really wanted them to be able to come in while I was in labor so that they might feel like they were a part of the process. Damien didn't think it was a good idea but I insisted on it and he went and got them. They waiting outside the room until I finished a contraction and then for the next minute I let them come in, hug me, ask questions, and check things out. When I started having another contraction- I gave Damien the look and he distracted them for a minute and then they came back and talked with me.

Michael was so sweet. He was eager to know if the baby had come and had a lot of questions about the machines and the ball I was sitting on. Then he said to me, "Mom- you are doing a really good job." What a kid. He gave me a little extra strength and warmed my heart.

Claire could not hide how excited she was. She really didn't have a lot to say, she just smiled and rubbed my shoulder. The look in her eyes was beautiful. She understood the wonder of it all and knew that very soon she would have a new brother or sister.

Matthew, my sweet baby boy, was a little hesitant. He looked at my arm and didn't like the IV. He was wide eyed and tried to figure out what was going on. I put my arms out to hold him and he leaned over and let me squeeze and love him. I kept thinking that the next time I saw him; he wouldn't be my littlest baby anymore. We took some pictures and after three contractions with them in the room- I could barely fake anymore that I wasn't being crippled by the pain of contractions. They were whisked away to the waiting room again and I continued to labor towards delivery.

At this point- I had been in pretty hard labor for about three hours (contractions every two minutes) and I was getting discouraged as Matthew's entire labor was just under three hours and here I was- not making progress as quickly as I would've liked. I was 7 cm and I could feel this baby trying to descend but he/she just couldn't make the transition. When I labor, I am very quiet. In fact, I don't make a peep. I wouldn't have ever expected my labors to go this way but it is the best way I can deal with pain and stay in control. I breathe through the contractions and imagine the baby moving down. I feel that if I make noise- I might lose control and expose the pain I am feeling and then panic. I think that when you are in labor- you have to stay in control. The minute you start to lose control is when I think you could go crazy! I was bound and determined to deliver this baby naturally but the epidural catheter taped to my back tempted me to just get some pain relief because I felt like I was dying! Several times my nurse asked if I wanted some narcotics and I was so tempted to just get some but I knew I would be disappointed later on. I labored on and waited and waited to feel that sensation of the baby dropping. I was 9 cm and the baby was still at zero station. They suggested I stand up and labor standing and I tried that but it was the most painful and uncomfortable position I could imagine! After about ten minutes of this, they wanted me to try laboring in the bed again. It hurt so much to crawl into the bed and I believe it was at this point- I felt really scared. I rolled over onto the bed, grabbed the side bed rail and immediately felt the baby shoot down into the birth canal. Because I was out of my mind at this point, Damien had to piece together for me what happened in the next ten minutes. Apparently my doctor came just as the baby descended and they noticed the fetal heart rate plummet. This was a sign of head compression and they knew the baby was going to come out.

From what Damien said, they dropped the bottom of the bed and asked me to roll over and put my feet on the stirrups. I was in such intense pain, even this motion seemed impossible. The baby was so low and I just wanted it to be over! They told me to pull my legs back and hold onto the back of my knees but I couldn't grab my knees because it hurt so badly. Damien had one leg and my Mom had the other and they pushed my legs toward my chest as I tried to push my legs forward. Damien tried to encourage me as I pushed for the first time by saying he could see the head- but I thought he meant he could see just a small amount. With the second push of that contraction, her head came out. It was so fast. With the next contraction, and two pushes I delivered the rest of her and I was so surprised she came out so quickly. I think the entire pushing phase lasted just under six minutes. As the doctor pulled the baby out, she held it over me and said to Damien, "Dad- tell everyone what you have!" Just before Damien shouted the news, I saw the baby's private part and couldn't believe what I saw. "It's a Girl!" Damien shouted and everyone in the room went absolutely crazy. She laid her on my chest and I just put my arms around her and said, "Emily!"

This birthing moment was unbelievable. Emily's labor was not only the longest of all of my four labors, but also the most difficult. After six hours of intense labor- she was here. After I got all cleaned up- Damien went out and got the kids. They cautiously walked in and saw me lying in bed with the baby. They looked at me eagerly and I said to them, "Michael, Claire, and Matthew- you have a new baby . . . sister!" Claire smiled as big as I have ever seen her smile and covered her mouth with her hands. Michael gave me such a sweet grin and Matthew looked at me as confused as he did when he came to see me earlier. She was here. Emily was part if our family. We couldn't believe it. Almost immediately- they wanted to see her hands, her feet, and verify she was a girl! The nurse weighed Emily and she weighed 8 pounds 1 ounce and she measured 19 1/2 inches long. At this moment- I was so happy she came 3 1/2 weeks early because she would have been a very big full term baby!

After a good 20 minutes on my chest- the nurses took Emily over to the examination table and noticed she was breathing a bit rapidly. They decided they were going to take her up to the NICU to observe her and I completely agreed with their decision. After all- Claire was my only baby to never set foot in a NICU so this was par for the course. Damien went up with her and my Mom stayed with me while I recovered. Emily's breathing eventually recovered but they then realized she had low blood sugar. They suggested giving her some formula and over the next hour- Damien fed her 30 cc of it and it did the trick! I was wheeled up to the NICU to see her and hold her and I was there when they told me we could take her back to our room! This news was fantastic and Damien and I spent the rest of the night gazing at our newborn baby girl.

While I avoided many scares over the last nine months- it was a long nine months full of intense emotion. I thank God so much for blessing me with the strength needed to get through everything, with blessing me with such a healthy pregnancy, with a healthy daughter, with supportive family and friends who gave me so much support, and with the most wonderful children who through it all- adjusted and made life as easy as possible for their Mommy. A special thank you to my husband who never ceases to amaze me with his strength, love, support, and patience. I couldn't have done it without him. We made it. Thank you God for Emily. She is truly our little angel.

It's A Girl!

Emily Is Here!

Born June 12th at 5:32 p.m.

8 lbs. 1 oz.

19.5 inches long

36.5 weeks gestation

We are so happy to have a new little girl in our family and she is just perfect! I will update later but am just overjoyed to have Emily in our life. She is so loved by her siblings and yes, Claire is just beside herself! More pictures to come!

June 12th. What Will It Hold?

Just a quick update. I was thrilled to learn that when I called into Labor and Delivery this morning that my cerclage removal surgery was still on! When I was pregnant with Matthew, my cerclage removal got bumped because all of the operating rooms were full (too many c-sections at the hospital). But not this time!!! It is 7:05 a.m. and I am waiting for my sister in laws to come over and watch the kids so Damien, my Mom, and I can go to the hospital and get the cerclage out! Will the baby come? I don't know. Do I want it to come? Oh, yes! But if nothing else- I do regain my freedom today which will do wonders for me mentally and physically. If the baby doesn't come- I am prepared to think in my head that every day he/she is in there- he/she is just getting stronger and healthier. My doctor previously said that when she takes the cerclage out I am at least 3 cm dilated- she will break my bag of water and get the show on the road. If not- well, we start the waiting game and I will come home and wait for labor to start (which usually does within three days of the cerclage removal). So- that's it. Will I meet Emily or Daniel today? I don't know. But I am so happy to be where I am today and at the very least- getting the cerclage out! Stay tuned! I will try and update a little later today!

Sitting on the Throne- for now.

A few Sundays ago, we went to mass on a beautiful day and I was feeling really good. I think at the time I was 34 weeks and we were headed into safer territory with Baby #4. As we reached the front of the church, the priest reached out and touched my belly and blessed him/her- then turned to Matthew and said, "Enjoy the throne right now. Because whether you know it or not you are about to be dethroned!" I laughed a little and gathered all of my kids and sat them together in a pew and enjoyed the liturgy. As I began some reflective prayer, I repeated over in my head what the priest had said to Matthew and got a little teary eyed. He wanted me to hold him in mass and I did just that. I looked at this pretty blue/green eyes, his long chubby fingers, I even caressed his soft cheek for a few minutes. Matthew- my baby. My sweet boy. Matthew has been attached to me since the moment he was born. I can honestly say he is a Mama's boy and he makes my heart so full and warm with love for him.

I am due to give birth any day now. In many ways I know what I am getting myself into. I know the beautiful chaos that will ensue once we bring this baby home. I realize my life will be flipped upside down for a while only to be flipped back over once I remember how to conduct life on little to no sleep. I have done this three times before and I can do this again. This I know. One thing that I have always had a hard time with is looking at my youngest child and feeling bad that another baby is coming into the family and is about to displace them as the one who might need the most attention. Logically I get that Matthew or any of my other babies will/would adjust to the change of having a new sibling- but something about getting so close to this change makes me so emotional. We have talked a lot about Baby Choo Choo. If you ask Matthew if he loves the baby he will say "Big Much"! If I ask him if he is going to hold the baby- he will hold out his chubby arms and then say, "Shhhh, shhhh, shhhh". I have prepared this little guy as much as I possibly can for the change that is going to happen and know that the only thing that is going to make it more real for him is to actually have the baby.

Last night, as I put Matthew to sleep (which at this point consists of me holding him on the couch and giving him a bottle) he kept looking at me, pretending to close his eyes, and then cracking a sweet smile behind the nipple of the bottle. I stroked his sweaty little head and examined every little part of his face. His mouth looked so small. His nose was so little and shiny. His ears barely poked out from the side of his head. He is my little baby. He's the littlest baby I currently have and I want to remember how small he seems because I know that with the birth of his soon to be sibling- he is going to seem so big next to the new little peanut. I have enjoyed watching Matthew grow over the past two years and four months. I think back to the hours I paced the floor in the middle of the night trying to get him to fall asleep. I think back to the many hours I spent breastfeeding him and cuddling him after he would nod off mid-feed. I know I have been there for him and have no regrets about my involvement in his life. He is my boy and I am his Mommy. This will never change.

A funny thing happens when you are about to give birth to a new life. You suddenly realize the change that is about to happen and want to take a mental snapshot of life before the new baby comes. When I gave birth to Claire- I cried in the hospital that night because it didn't feel good to be there with out Michael. When I gave birth to Matthew, I felt so bad when Michael and Claire left the hospital crying because they wanted to stay with Mom, Dad, and the new baby. Now I am preparing to deal with the same guilt I encountered with the three of them this time around. I have gifts wrapped for all of them hidden at home ("Big Brother/Big Sister Gifts" I call them). I have let them play with the new stroller, the change table, and the baby swing in the hope that they will feel at ease about the change that is coming. Yet no matter what I do to prepare them, only the birth of their sibling will make the change real.

I am so excited to meet this baby and I know that all of their lives will be richer by having another sibling. This baby is wonderful for us all. Will it rock the boat a little? Absolutely. However, I would have not taken this on if I didn't have full confidence that after a few days on rough seas- we will find peaceful waters and enjoy the ride. I am going to try and breathe in life with three kids as much as I can over the next few days/hours. And when I meet this new little one- I know it will feel right and I know that all of my children will be so lucky to have a new brother or a sister! Oh, a change is gonna come. But in the end- we will all be okay.