Turning 36

Look at the first gift I got on my birthday!  Do you see those beautiful flowers in Matthew's hand?  He picked them yesterday at Claire's soccer game and put them in his pocket.  He was so sad when he went back to his pocket this morning to get my birthday present and found them wilted.  I assured him they were the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen.  How could I not be in a great mood today after receiving a gift so magnificent?

Today I turn 36.  I love the number because it is an even number.  I don't like the number because it officially tips me toward 40.  I could have gone to a lot of places mentally when considering this but I decided to stay in the positive.  What is there to feel bad about?  I am in a good place.  Maybe a few more wrinkles and sore joints but I am doing well!  If 36 feels this good, bring it on!  It's true what they say.  Age is just a number.  I have younger friends that live much older than they are.  I also have friends who are older who act like they are super young.  I guess you just have to know who you are deep down inside and live your life to the fullest. 

One thing I say to myself (quietly in my head so people don't think I talk to myself) is 'You are given one life to live.  What are you going to do with yours?'  For some reason this quote gets me out of bed in the morning.  It gets me to play games with my kids when I have a mountain of laundry to do.  It gets me to the gym when I want to make excuses because the truth is- Mommy has to take care of herself, too.  It keeps me grounded.  I am blessed with the life I lead and I have a clear vision of what I want to do with it.  This dream of mine isn't complete.  It unfolds more and more everyday and just when I think it is the most beautiful life I could ever imagine, part of it blooms and I sit and bask in its beauty.

I am not sure how people view me at this age.  It is easier for me to look inward and tell you how I feel rather than tell you what I think others think of me.  I feel very capable.  I still feel like I can do it all and haven't stopped trying.  Sometimes, I feel like I am still the same girl I was in college.  It was only the other day that I realized I started college eighteen years ago.  That blows me away! 

Maybe it's because that is where I met Damien and not much has changed between the two of us.  We are still silly, love to have fun, and enjoy each other's company.  While I am still so much of the same girl- I also know how different I have become as well.  I am so much more confident now.  I know what I deserve in life, have a real sense of personal worth and awareness, and won't quit until I feel like I get the most out of things. 

I feel like I am at a great place as a Mom.  No more carrying around babies all day.  Instead I get to share things with them that really make a difference.  I mean, what if Michael didn't learn the right way to do the centipede across the room?  What if I didn't show Claire the effectiveness of double sticky tape as compared to glue?  What if Matthew never learned from his Mommy that you can get unlimited free guys while playing Super Mario Brothers on level 3-1.  And how would Emily survive if she didn't know that Wheat Thins are best enjoyed when dipped in chive cream cheese?  Do you see where I am going here?  These are major gems of knowledge that I am passing on to the next generation!  I am at a place in my life where from time to time- I actually have time to think.  Time to reflect on my blessings and time to get organized for the future.  The stress has lessened for me in many ways and I think I finally got my groove back.

My 36th year is going to be great.  I can just feel it.  I am hopeful that for the first time in 10 1/2 years, I will rid my life of diapers.  While I will miss my life with little babies- I yearn to stretch out and grow with my children!  I see so many wonderful changes ahead that give me the strength I need to push forward.  Life is good.  Life is so so good.  I read somewhere that Moms (no matter how hard they try not to be) are always worrying.  Worrying about pregnancy, then newborns, then toddlers, then kids, then kids with projects and homework with pressing due dates, then teenagers who finally experience the beginnings of freedom and independent decision making, then college students who for the first time learn to live life on their own. 

Then comes the day where you worry where life will take you.  What do you do when you don't have to launder the uniforms for school the next morning?  What will it be like when I don't have to make lunches anymore?  What will happen when all this chaos goes away and I am left to reflect on the amazing and crazy years of raising these beautiful kids?  It is this realization that makes me embrace the madness. 

Sometimes Damien and I have to laugh when we go to bed only to find matchbox cars, mini storm troopers, littlest pet shops, and bakugans in our sheets.  You have to laugh and live in the moment.  I know one day life will be predictable.  The kids will be gone.  The toys will remain in their place.  These truly are the days to remember.

Thirty six years of life.  Twelve years of marriage.  Ten and half years of being a Mom.  My life is what God intended it to be and I couldn't be happier.  Thank you to all of those that wished me well today.  I am blessed for having you in my life.  To my parents, thank you for the example.  I try each and every day to be as good to my kids as you were to me.  To my sisters, thank you for being my best friends.  Without you all- I would be lost.  And lastly, to my husband and kids- thank you for giving me the life I always wanted.  What more could a girl ask for?  Our ride at times is bumpy, sometimes we have to navigate through uncharted territory, but the beautiful scenic route we are taking through life continues to leave me breathless.  I love you all.