20 Weeks

Claire is so interested in my pregnancy. She waits almost as eagerly as I do for the day that I change weeks. We had talked about how there were forty weeks in a pregnancy and she was as excited as I was to turn twenty weeks! I don't know what it is that made me so happy this week. Naturally, it felt good to at the official half way point of the pregnancy. There is something about knowing that you have climbed the hill and are now on your way back down that feels good. Well, I am now walking downhill and treading very carefully because I know that one of these weeks, the journey will become more difficult. It will just be my job to keep moving forward despite the way this hill twists and turns.

My next big milestone to hit is 25 weeks. I don't expect a lot of people to identify with the real significance of this week for me. I know a lot of you know about Michael's entrance into the world four months premature, but I don't expect you to know how terrifying it is to know that it just could happen again. While I am hoping and praying for a better result, 25 weeks also represents life to me. It represents to me the chance of survival if born at this gestation. In order for this whole pregnancy to give me something in the end- I have to make it to 25 weeks to have a chance. It is hard to feel this beautiful life in my tummy and worry that something might take that away from me. I am hoping that this cerclage saves me again from any early scares- but just based on my history and what I have been through, I can't just not feel a little scared around this time. I am so happy to be twenty weeks and will cherish each and every week until I get to 25 weeks where I will breathe a small sigh of relief. After that point, each week is a huge blessing to both me and my baby!

On a side note, I have to write a small disclaimer. After my pregnancy with Matthew someone told me that they thought that my blog was depressing and a total downer while I was pregnant. I respect their opinion, although admittedly, I was a tiny bit put off because my blog is a place for me to write about my feelings and find some clarity through all of my struggles as well as enjoy the wonderful moments of my life. No one has walked a day in my shoes and so I wouldn't expect any one person to completely identify with my thoughts and feelings. I choose to write my truth, my real feelings and not sugarcoat things. The blogs I love to read are the blogs where people are real and risk judgement by telling their own truth. When you visit someone's blog, you make a purposeful choice to enter a place where people put themselves out there and share their lives. I don't blame the earlier mentioned reader's opinion about my blog during pregnancy. I just hope you understand that when you visit my blog, you are getting a real dose of my feelings, hopes, and fears. What you see, is what you get and I hope you continue the journey with me.