Another Year Passes

Damien and I were reflecting the other day about the passage of time.  We talked about the never ending days when we dated.  How there never seemed an appropriate time to end the night.  We could talk and just spend time with each other well into the night.  Literally, there were moments when time stood still as the two of us fell deeper in love and realized we truly had a future together.  Those minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years were priceless.

We talked about the passage of time when we were first married.  That first wonderful year where could call each other husband and wife!  Figuring out how to live with one another, how to balance our new life together and loving that neither of us had to go home at the end of the night.  We needed to really learn to live with a forever partner.  How to best respect, love, involve, and coexist with the one person who you vowed to be with forever.  We will never forget that year and the way we lovingly launched into married life.

As life became more complicated, time seemed to slow down.  The minutes in Paris, seemed like hours.  We couldn't seem to pass the time no matter how we tried . . . unless we were sitting next to our beautiful Michael.  I swear- I would look into his incubator, sing to him, rub his tiny precious hand, and three hours would have passed.  Time with our little man was painless.  It was the time we spent away from him that stood still.

Adding Claire to our life confused life's time passage.  We were so busy that time really did fly by!  Don't get me wrong- I spent many an hour wondering if I was going to even survive it but that time of my life was truly a blur.  There was a lot to do in not a lot of time.  I remember keeping a journal of my daily activities.  It was truly such a miracle to see that each day was better than the next.  With the help of God and the occasional Elmo video- we survived the first year of two children.

By the time Matthew came along, life was fairly calm.  The time was manageable.  He was born and transitioned into our house really smoothly.  In terms of time, I just really needed to make sure I managed it well.  Michael and Claire needed to be at school by a certain time so time wasn't so subjective anymore.  Time was something that had more definition than before.  With three kiddos, I also needed to learn to manage my time better.  I didn't have as much free time anymore.  I also had to let go of some of the things that were important to me before.  Laundry could wait, dishes could sit in the sink overnight without consequence.  My kids were of utmost importance and my time was best spent with them.

Father time laughed at me when Emily was born.  And to clarify, it was a belly laugh.  It was almost like he said, 'Good luck balancing all of that!'  He was right.  I really could have used a personal assistant.  I needed someone to manage my calendar, cook the meals, do the laundry, play games with the kids, pack lunches, and shop for my nightly bon bons that I would eat while watching The Real Housewives of Orange County.  For the first several months, time was something I couldn't even grasp.  Looking back- it was laughable.  Come to think of it, I am not sure there is a Mom out there who could survive those first few months with four kids without experiencing true moments of absolute insanity.  But like they say, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'  Well, needless to say, Damien and I are really really buff.

Today, time is pretty good to us.  Maybe we have become Master Time Managers or something.  Who knows?  I look at our weekly calendar and it really should give me anxiety or at least make me do some deep Lamaze breathing.  Together, Damien and I manage to make it all work with little sweat.  It's just what we do.  I can't even remember what life used to be like!  Our time these days is spent shuffling the kids around town to school, sports, and other various activities.  And would you believe that these days we even have some time for ourselves? 

The passage of time is a mysterious thing.  I have no idea how it's been eighteen years since I graduated from high school.  Worse than that- how is it that my oldest child is ten and half years old?  All of this reminds me to live in the moment.  The brisk passage of time is a sober reminder that we won't remember it all in the end, no matter how hard we try.  There were moments during my kids' infancy that I willed myself to remember the very moment I was experiencing.  The smell, the feel, the true infancy of it all.  Even though I tried to burn those particular moments into my brain- I don't remember them.  What I do know is that I was present for my kids. When I look at my children's faces- I know that I've kissed the heck out of their cheeks since the moment they were born.  I loved them every moment I could and valued my time home with them.  I don't want to regret anything, especially when it comes to my kids. 

2011, I bid you farewell.  Thanks for the many blessings, the challenges you forced me to overcome, and the cramp in my hand from writing out the many activities we had each and every week.  Thank you for the moments of solice I was able to steal when I least expected them, for the way you slowed down so we could enjoy the view and for the times you sped up when life seemed a little too unbearable.  Life, with all it's twists and turns, is an amazing ride.  I am so blessed to have such wonderful children and an unbelievable husband with me to pass the time- no matter the speed.  Our life is so good.  2011, you've done us well.