San Francisco

My camera hid out all morning in my purse. What a shame, too because we had a beautiful birthday celebration for Marlene (Damien's Mom) at the Beach Chalet in San Francisco! It was a wonderfully beautiful morning full of pink ballet themed fun! Damien's whole family was able to make it and toast to his Mom on a fabulous year. It was a huge group. Funny- I don't think any of us realize how big the family has gotten with the addition of all the grand kids. The older ones are getting bigger and more and more little ones seem to be popping up! It really was a nice birthday celebration- I am just sad I didn't capture it!


The Beach Chalet, is a darling restaurant which hugs the beautiful San Francisco coast line. From our tables, we had an amazing view of the oh-so-blue water and the many runners and passers-by who were taking advantage of the sunny day. San Francisco has so much beauty to offer any visitor. Even on the walk back to the car we were able to let the kids run around in a park which we stumbled upon. It was full of colorful tulips and a breathtaking huge windmill! How cool is that? I am glad we took a little time to explore!


As Emily continues to get bigger and more durable, I hope we can take more day trips to fun places to explore and discover. I can think of a handful of places that I hope we can visit. We have never been to Yosemite (I am embarrassed to admit it) and hope to get there this summer. Emily should be walking by then so we will hopefully explore yet another interesting place as a fully mobile family then. We did need to get back to San Jose today, so we didn't stay much longer in San Francisco. I hope we can take one of the days during Spring Break to take the short forty-five minute drive north to explore and have some fun!

Golden Circle

I know we just got away for a few nights in Jamaica- but it is surprising how quickly we needed another night away! A great friend of mine at Santa Clara University invited Damien and me to be their guests at Golden Circle. I have mentioned on this blog before that it is a Black Tie event with pretty big time entertainment, a gorgeous dinner, with dancing late into the night. It is so much fun and it is even better that it benefits the University in such a big way! Around two thousand people attend the big party at the Fairmont hotel and it is exciting to see so many people dressed up and ready to have a great time! This year, they booked Huey Lewis and the News (Damien was so excited to see them) for the entertainment but we were surprised to hear just two days before the event that he had to cancel. Luckily, they were able to secure The Pointer Sisters (Damien was not so excited to see them)! Ali and Heather offered to watch the kids overnight so Damien and I headed just ten minutes away to the Fairmont Hotel for a full day of kid-less fun!

I thought the show was great! I recognized a lot of The Pointer Sister's songs and really thought they were talented! They have been performing for so long and I had a lot of respect for them. Damien, on the other hand, went to the bathroom mid-show and didn't come back for about twenty-five minutes. I think he thought they were a little too 'nails on a chalkboard' for him. After the show, we dined with friends and saw so many wonderful people from Santa Clara University. We really feel Santa Clara is a family we can always go back to. We have a lot of pride in the school (since we both went there and met there) and love supporting it when we can. We danced well into the night and just had an absolute blast. Of course, I loved seeing Damien in a tuxedo and I felt good in the dress I had bought at Macy's earlier in the day (nothing like the last minute). We settled into our hotel room for a night of uninterrupted sleep and it was amazing! I am so grateful we got to go to Golden Circle and would love to be able to have more friends join us in the future!!!

Emily = 9 Months

Oh, man. Another month has passed! This chubby beauty is now nine months old! That's three quarters of a year, an entire pregnancy worth of life, which means she is well on her way to being a one year old!!! Part of me cheers on this great accomplishment because it means that as a family, we are growing a bit older which makes life on the whole a lot easier. Another part of me is a bit sad because this means she is only getting bigger and that small, more feeble Emily is merely a memory now. I have thrown my hands up a bit when it comes to burying myself in sorrow over the rapid growth of my kids. I try and focus on the fact that I give 100% to them- eating and breathing every single experience that I can. I stay at home with them, I am present, I try and keep their life as family focused as possible and make sure they are happy and confident in themselves. If I try and fight their growth, I will only waste precious time. I have to accept that time is passing and instead of fighting against it, I want to grow with them. Because heck- I am not getting younger, either!

Emily is a healthy and happy nine month old. At her check-up she weighed in at 23 pounds 13 ounces (105%) and was 29 inches tall (90%). She is almost exactly the same size Claire and Matthew were at this age! In the last week of her ninth month, she started scooting. I imagine that any day now this little baby girl will be on the move and into more trouble than I can imagine! Emily LOVES to eat and is really feeling quite proud and a little cocky at mealtimes. She loves that I give her some of what we are eating and she eats it in a way that lets us all know that she got what she wanted! I am still giving her baby food mixed with oatmeal twice a day but she is loving being table fed. She still only has two teeth but she manages to eat almost everything! And how is she sleeping? Let's not even go there!

Emily's personality continues to develop and what a character she is! If you laugh at her, she will laugh back. If you grunt at her, she will grunt back. She is babbling like crazy, too. Ba-ba, ma-ma, ta-ta, ooohs, aaaahhs, are a few things we hear from her. She recognizes people's names now. It is cute to say, 'Where is Daddy?' and watch her search the entire room for him and give him a huge smile when she finds him! She is a really smiley baby. Emily is just so happy and content most of the time and she is just a real pleasure to be around. She is quite strong- this little one! (Does that sentence sound Star Warsey? Not my intention!) She loves to smack and grab faces. She loves to put her hand in your mouth (weird, I know) when she is trying to calm down and go to bed. Most babies rub their eyes when they are tired, but Emily likes to rub her ears. She is very tactile and loves to feel and grab everything. Did I mention she puts EVERYTHING in her mouth? I am going to go out there and say that she is going to be my craziest child yet. Not in a crazy/nutso kind of way, but the biggest risk taker and ball full of energy. We'll see if this happens!

Emily is doing great. She is learning so much, so fast. We know mobility is on the way for her and our lives will change for sure! She is so in love with her siblings and there is no doubt that their mobility and ability to do things is a huge motivator for her! We love Emily. Every last chubby roll of her! We are so thrilled that she is so healthy and once again thank God for blessing us with her. Happy 9 Months Emmy!

Rub-A-Dub-Dub Four Kids in a Tub

Here is the play by play on how all FOUR of my kids ended up in a bath that was only intended for TWO.

Mommy: "Matthew, Emily- do you guys want to take a bath? Do you want to go kick, kick, kick, splash, splash, splash?"

Emily kicks her legs uncontrollably which only means one thing . . . YES!

Matthew: "Yeah, bath time! It's naked baby time!"

I draw the water and prepare the two little ones for the bath. Emily CANNOT control herself! She just loves it. Matthew is excited but is now preoccupied with making sure he has the right toys for the bath!

Mommy: "Okay, it's ready!"

I place both kids in the bath and have to stay close to Emily who is now out of her little baby bathtub and in the big tub now! She is dangerous beyond measure so I have to really watch her because she is on a mission to submerge herself!

About five minutes go by when I hear a knock at the bathroom door.

Claire: "Oh my gosh! Emily is in the big bath now? I hate that she is growing older. It makes me so sad."

Mommy: "I know. She is growing up way too fast, just like you did!"

Claire: "Can I go in the bath with them? I have never taken a bath with Emily!"

Right now, that annoying micro-managing voice pops into my head and tells me to tell her no. If she came in, Emily would be even more crazy and dangerous. But then the other, 'Oh What the Heck' voice overpowers it and says to let Claire in. How many baths will they be able to take together in their lifetime? It might be a bit crazy in this pink tub, but the more the merrier.

Mommy: "Of course you can go in, Claire!"

She literally shrieks with excitement! I then chastise that micro-managing voice because it almost cost Claire a memory with her siblings! The three kids are in the bath having a great time and starting to get a bit hyper. Emily is doing her excited grunt and Matthew is so happy to be with his two sisters! It is now loud in here and I knew it was only a matter of time before Michael heard the commotion and came to check it out. Again, a knock at the door. It is Michael and he can't believe his eyes!

Michael: "Emily is out of her baby bathtub? (Sad sigh) Ohhhhhh. Can I go in with them?"

I look at the already full tub and before that silly rational voice talks to me I quickly answer . . .

Mommy: "Yes! Come on in, just be careful!"

Michael can't get his clothes off fast enough. He is so excited! He hops in next to Emily and Matthew and all three of the older kids start giggling.

Claire: "This is hilarious!"

Michael: "I know!"

I stare at all four of my beautiful babies. How did I get here? How did they get so big that they barely fit in the bathtub together? I get misty thinking about how life isn't going to always be this simple. I think about how they are not always going to be together. My mind drifts to Michael going off to college and I think about how Emily will only be in the fourth grade! I think about how precious these years are- how we will not always have these beautiful kids at our fingertips. I hold Emily's chubby arm and grab more firmly when I think about the fact that I can feel and touch all of them right now. Their lives are unfolding right in front of me and what a gift it is to watch this beautiful show. Thank God I didn't think purely out of logic a few minutes ago. Thank God I let them all cram in like anchovies into this little bathtub. We are making a memory that we will keep forever. I make a mental note to stop micro-managing life. I think about the opportunity I have to let them do things that are more fun than logical and how I need to make sure that fun beats logical more and more. I love my kids. I am so insanely proud of them. They love each other. What a gift it was to be pregnant (no matter how difficult) and be able to create what I see in front of me.

Through my tears I stare at Emily and say,

Mommy: "Kick, kick, kick, splash, splash splash!"

And before I know it, the older three kids are repeating it, too. Kick, kick,kick, splash, splash, splash. Through our laughter- I am reminded that these little moments are what make life so incredibly special. Michael, Claire, Matthew, Emily . . . I love you with all my heart.
Love, Mommy

Angels Baseball

Michael is so happy to be playing baseball. It has finally clicked in his cute little head that when Spring comes- he gets to play baseball! This year he was drafted to the Angels! Well, drafted is a strong word as they didn't try out for teams but were placed on teams with their friends. Michael loves that he was put on the Angels, but Damien wasn't overly excited since they are another California baseball team and Damien is a SF Giants fan. I told him to get over it- and he did :). Damien is also going to help coach Michael's team this year which makes Michael so happy! It should be a great father/son bonding opportunity for them!

This year, Michael has an amazing head coach who gets that the best way to teach these boys is through basic fundamentals. He makes them do things the right way and I love this approach. It reminds me a lot of how my Dad taught me to play sports- so naturally, I am all for it! So far, Michael has had a handful of practices and one game. He is having an absolute blast and it makes me happy to see him so happy! The coach is rotating the kids through different positions to give them all experience. Michael played third base his last game and did great! He fielded grounders, seemed to have good presence and knew where the force outs would be, and even tagged out two guys as they came his way. The most hilarious part of the game was when a player on the other team was running from second to third and he saw Michael at third with the ball. The kid panicked and ran into left field to avoid Michael. Michael looked puzzled and knew the kid was running the wrong way but decided to chase him down anyway. He chased the little boy for about twenty-five seconds or so and they got so far away they looked like little ants out there! Michael finally tagged him out and ran back to the diamond looking awfully satisfied as we all held our stomachs which hurt after laughing so hard!!! It was a classic moment!

I know I probably sound like a broken record when talking about Michael and his beginnings but I can't help it. For so many days back in Paris, I silently grieved the potential limitations Michael might face. No matter how positive I tried to be, the reality and starkness of the situation would creep in. They told us so many things that could go wrong and how all of these medical interventions would probably affect the health and well-being of my little boy. To see him out there so strong, so healthy just makes my heart swell with pride. I am so thankful for Michael. A whole, healthy, amazing little guy who runs the bases and jumps for joy when he tags an opponent out. What a miracle he is. What a wonderful chance at life God gave him. We are so blessed. Maybe it was just happenstance that he was placed on the Angels, but it makes me smile a bit when I see him running around out there and I don't doubt for a minute that God gave him his own set of invisible wings.

2 Peas in a Pod

There is something special about the relationship between Claire and Matthew. He just loves her, she can't help but be nurturing to him. It is really sweet. Matthew brings Claire books when she gets home from school and most of the time- she just happily reads to him. They do a lot of imaginary play together. I think they work because Claire loves to play the Mom/Caretaker/Helper role and Matthew happily obliges because he likes being taken care of. Matthew's dynamic with Michael is great, just very different. They play swords, soccer, baseball, wrestle, and are just rough with each other. Claire and Matthew focus more on the fun, non-competitive things in life and it really seems to work for them. Plus Matthew is game for just about anything which often leads him to playing Littlest Pet Shop or finding himself in a Disney Princess dress (a la Claire)! Once Claire gets home, I can hear Matthew yell, "Cwaire!" over and over until he gets her attention. I hope they continue to stay close and it will be fun to see if she still feels the need to take care of him as they grow older!

***Gotta love that Michael was able to get an eyeball in this picture!

Feeding the Ducks

Seeing as though the weather in Kirkland was nothing short of AMAZING, we had to capitalize on some of the more summertime events while we were up north! I just love the waterfront. I love that I can see the lake from my parents deck, I love that as you round their driveway- the lake is in plain view. It is just such a beautiful place to live. Something about it just makes me calm and relaxed. As a child, I spent many a summer day on the same beaches I take my kids to now. It is special to show them some of my favorite places and tell them stories so they can piece together some of my past.

One of my favorite places is the Kirkland Marina. My Mom used to take us down there with a huge bag full of stale bread and we would feed the ducks for what seemed like forever. We just loved it. My kids seem to love it just as much and who wouldn't? The ducks are so friendly and they come up really close which makes my kids laugh hysterically. It was fun having Kyle with us this time because they just love hanging out with their cousin. This was Emily's first time really seeing ducks. She was completely fascinated with how they moved and swam to get the bread. Pretty soon, she'll want to feed them, too!

After we went to the Marina, we went to get some cheeseburgers at a great little burger joint. The kids loved the impromptu picnic lunch and we walked over to Houghton Beach where there is a great play structure they could play on. Again, I played there when I was a kid and was even pictured in the newspaper when I was photographed buried in the sand. I told the kids this story and they asked if they could bury themselves in the sand and I told them maybe in the summer when it is hot and they are in their bathing suits. We'll see if they remind me of my promise this summer! Note to self: Do not let Michael swing on tire swing even if he BEGS me to go. Every time he goes on a tire swing, he pukes and then is totally sick for a few hours!

We had a great trip in Kirkland. The baptism was wonderful and we had a lot of down time to just relax and have some fun with my family. Damien, Michael, and Claire went back two days before Matthew, Emily, and me. While I missed them, it was nice for me to just have some time with my two littlest kiddos and give them a lot of attention. I had a lot of time with Michael and Claire when they were babies so it was nice to be able to give Emily and Matthew the same . . . for just a few short days. We had an amazing trip I can't wait until we visit again!

Emily's Baptism

Today is a wonderful day! Our sweet Emily Anne was baptized. It was a gorgeous day in Kirkland. Honestly, one of the nicest February days I have ever experienced there. Surrounded by family and friends who love her so much, Emily joined God's family and we couldn't feel more blessed!

We are not the most organized 'baptizers' you have ever met. Sometimes when I am at Mass- I see these teeny tiny babies getting baptized and think how organized their parents must be to have them baptized so young! Michael was baptized when he was about ten months old, Claire was the youngest to be baptized at six months old, Matthew was eight months old, and Emily was finally baptized when she was eight months old. It feels amazing to have all four of my kids baptized and to close this chapter in our lives. In only a few short months- Michael will receive his First Communion so at least we won't have multiple Sacraments happening at the same time!

We decided to baptize Emily at Holy Family Catholic Church in Kirkland, Washington (my hometown). Not only is this my family's parish, it was my Catholic grade school church, I received my Sacraments there, Damien and I were married there, my parents were married there, and Claire and Matthew were also baptized there. This church holds a lot of meaningful memories and I am so glad we were able to organize and schedule all of the necessary parts that went into making this weekend a wonderful success.

Emily has a lot of people in her life that love her and we knew that we wanted as many of those loving people to be there on her special day. Damien's mom and his sister Lani were able to fly up to celebrate with us and I am so incredibly touched by their effort and love for my little baby. It meant a lot to me that they would switch their schedules around and pull a lot of strings to be with us today!!! Damien's Dad lovingly offered to stay back with is brother and his grandparents who were ill so that Marlene could share in Emily's special day. We absolutely acknowledge his sacrifice!

We are thrilled that my sisters Natalie and Laura and our good friends Keith and Dan agreed to be Emily's Godparents. What a wonderful group of people to lead her in her life of faith. We feel so wonderful about the four of them and are honored that they were next to her as she joined God's family! Fr. Art Liebscher, SJ presided over the baptismal ceremony. He is a very special part of our family. Fr. Art is a Jesuit at Santa Clara University, married us, and has baptized all of our children. What a gift it was to have him here today.

The ceremony was beautiful. My favorite part of the today (other than seeing Emily squeezed into her darling baptismal gown) was Fr. Art's homily during Mass. I was so emotional and wish that I could recall more of it to share with you. In so many words, Fr. Art spoke of the lives of many honored Saint Emilys. All of these Saint Emilys led lives deeply rooted in the vocation of faith. They were motherly, they were so giving, they were sensitive to humankind, and they made the world and the time in which they lived a more rich and blessed place. Fr. Art then spoke about the life of our little Emily. He touched on the idea that she has yet to really set foot in the world but if she is anything like her namesakes- she will live a life that will most definitely touch the lives of others. To hear these words while looking at the sweet face of my daughter was so deeply touching. I cannot wait to see what my beautiful girl will offer the world.

After the ceremony, we all headed back to my parent's house for a reception and it was nothing short of fantastic! The weather was unbelievable and most everyone went out on the deck and could see the Olympic Mountains peeking over Lake Washington in the distance. People played basketball, soccer, sat at tables and caught up with one another. It was just what I envisioned would happen and was so much fun. Again, it was nice having people from Damien's family present to represent his amazing family and to bring some his family into mine. I was very touched to have both of my Grandmas present. Emily has three Great Grandmothers with us today and it was beautiful that two of them could be there. I was touched by the many people in our lives who were with us today who showed us how much we mean to you- so thank you!

I am so happy that Emily is baptized. As I close this chapter in my life, I thank God again for blessing me with these beautiful, healthy, amazing children and I am glad they are all officially a part of His family. Emily, you look beautiful today. We are already so proud of you and cannot wait to explore life with you, ride the waves of your success with you, hold your hands through the your more difficult times, and love you know matter the circumstance. We love you so much and congratulate you on your baptism.

Fun at E and Papa's

E and Papa (Damien's parents) live up in Wine Country or 'The Country'. It is not a big city but instead more of a weekend getaway town that offers a break from the fast paced life here in Silicon Valley. Don't get me wrong, I love the pace of life here but it is nice to leave it once in a while and breathe a different breath of fresh air. My kids absolutely love E and Papa's house. It has so many things to offer them and one of them is the property on which they live. They can go to E's park (a small side strip of land with a big playset and room to ride bikes), swim in their swimming pool, a front yard perfect for running though the sprinklers or playing catch with a football, a lush jungle of sorts in the backyard where they can go exploring, and a ping pong table which stays there 365 days a year! What's not to love!!!

We were happy to be able to make it up the country for a day trip and we had such a great time. We had a delicious luncheon and even got to play with Lani and her kids who came over just to see us! My kids love playing with their cousins and it was cute to see them all enjoying one another. Emily is getting older and learning to love people. She is completely captivated by Megan and Caitlin and was especially drawn to the baby doll. They were so sweet with her and it was just adorable! Girl Power!

I barely even saw Seamus, Michael, and Claire (except to eat) because they were deep on the property making bows and arrows and using their imagination. You know, I have so much respect for Seamus. He is Lani's oldest child and he has always been fantastic with my kids. When Michael was about three, he started giving Michael attention and Michael LOVED it!! They are about five years apart in age and Seamus has always made Michael feel accepted despite the age gap. Seamus is Michael's idol- there is no question about that. He is even really great with Claire and I can't thank him enough for the hours he has spent helping them to expand their imagination and build up their confidence. What a cousin, huh?

Later that night, E made a great big crab dinner (Marlene knows I love crab) and we got to just sit around and catch up. The highlight of the evening for me was when Marlene (E) let Matthew have a big tub of spumoni ice cream. I am not sure he has ever had this classic italian ice cream but he loved it and kept walking around the house saying, "I yove spu-yonie". He cried when I had to take it away from him when it was time to go home but he talked about it the whole ride home. We had a great time at E and Papa's and they are always such great hosts and we love to go up and see them when we can! Thanks E and Papa for the great day! We love you!

Emily = 8 Months

Emilini! How do you keep getting older without me realizing it! I thought we had a deal! You would stay small so my heart wouldn't have to hurt!!! Oh gosh. This is happening so fast and it is just so hard to believe that my sweet girl is now eight months. Emily is so happy. She is such an easy baby and is just happy to be around her siblings and her family. She's not a fussy girl, not a crier, not a crabby pants at his point.

Emily is LOVING eating! We let her taste dinner every night and she just keeps so entertained and quiet when she is snacking. She is still taking a 5 oz. bottle every 3-4 hours during the day and eating baby food three times a day. She is sleeping pretty well. On average, she only wakes to eat twice a night. I was at my pediatrician the other day and he was talking about how he is writing a piece on how to get your baby to sleep through the night. He said, "I know you have four kids, but I will not be using you as a reference on this subject!" He is right. I am no good at the sleeping baby thing. Emily is about 22 1/s pounds these days but we'll know more accurately at her nine month appointment.

Emily's personality continues to shine through more and more each day. She's laughing at things that are funny, she will cry if one of her siblings is crying, and if the kids are fighting/wrestling- she will do this grunty scream at them to make them stop! She gets so excited when she sees her big brother and big sister come home from school! Right now, one of her favorite things to do is have me hold her and walk her down the hallway where she can touch the 8x10 frames on the wall holding her and her siblings pictures. I will say 'Michael' and she will attack the picture of him and kick her legs like crazy. So cute.

Mobility wise- she is getting so much closer to crawling. She is rocking on all fours, is a pro at sitting and can even sit up from laying down position, she rolls all over the room and even does a few yoga poses which still startle me when I see her doing them! She had a healthy month but has been plagued by some silly congestion which only really bothers her when she is trying to sleep . . . at night . . . when I am trying to sleep, too! Lots of fun. By the way- do you just love her scrunchy face in this picture? This is what she does when you try and take a picture of her and you say, cheese!

All in all, Emily is doing great and just rolling with the punches. Time is flying by but I am sure of one thing . . . our family is celebrating every single moment with this little angel. We are so happy she joined our family this year. None of us could imagine life without her. Thank you Emily for all the joy you have given us and we are looking forward to many many more bright days with you in our life!

SUPERBOWL!!!

I am still adjusting to life after Jamaica. My Mom and Natalie left yesterday and we are home alone with the kids for the first time since our relaxing trip. I swear- we have to learn the whole multitasking thing again! Jumping back into this lifestyle is not easy so it is nice we have a big game on today to distract us all.

I let Damien sleep in this morning and in the early morning hours, I kept the kids busy by making posters for the Superbowl! I told them they needed to choose a team to root for. Either cheer for the Saints or the Colts. I got them paper to make their posters so they could cheer for their team during the Superbowl! Michael, Claire, Damien and I all picked the Saints and Matthew picked the Colts. Gotta love the underdog in this game! Matthew was really happy he was the only one cheering on the Colts. God love him!

The game was really exciting! We ate Chuck University Chicken, sipped on some Coke, had chips and guacamole and just relaxed (a very different kind of relaxing than in Jamaica). We were all cheering for our team when I happened to look over at Michael's sign and it read; "GO SANTS!" I thought that I shouldn't say anything about his spelling error 1) because I thought it was cute and I didn't want him to change it and 2) because at this point, it wouldn't help things. However, Claire noticed and then went crazy with his error. She even went in the other room and made a 'Go Sants" poster, too. Luckily, Michael had a sense of humor about it so it kind of became a funny joke!

Michael decided to sell origami during the game, put up a poster on the wall and held his hat out like a beggar on the street. I was suckered into buying 4 separate origami and I don't know how many Damien bought. At 25 cents a pop- Michael made some cash (for folding paper and selling it)! All in all- we had a great day. Damien and I are still exhausted but we are slowly falling back into our circus-like routine. And by the way- congrats SANTS!!!!

Jamaica

Back in August- Damien informed me that the destination for the his company's 2010 Club trip was going to be in Jamaica. I sighed and thought how nice it would be to sit on a beach and relax- without a worry in the world. At the time- I had a two month old baby in my arms and knew that even if he qualified- I wouldn't be able to go. Back in March of 2008 we took an amazing trip to Costa Rica and I have found myself often drifting back to those memories to sustain me during some of my more difficult times trying to juggle the lives of my four children. As the end of 2009 approached, it was looking more and more like Damien was going to hit his quota and qualify for the trip. What a tease! What a waste this trip would be. I couldn't leave Emily at home when she was this young. I had the poor me's for a while- sulking about this giant trip that was dangling over my head. Uhh. Well, the end of the year came and wouldn't you know- my husband did qualify for Club. Part of me thought that maybe we would try and go but the 'what would a GOOD mom do?' question would quickly squash all of my silly hopes.

I called my Mom on the phone and told her about the trip and what a waste it would be. She then quickly turned things on me and told me that she and Natalie would fly down and watch my kids while we went away. What? My head was spinning. Should I do this? Should I really do this? She then said, "If someone offered to watch you five kids so Dad and I could get away- I would've jumped at the chance!" It was then that I knew I had to go. The kids would be fine. I would be fine. In fact- I would be better than fine because I WAS GOING TO JAMAICA!!!!

Oh my gosh, it was hard to leave the house when the town car came to pick us up to take us to the airport. I kissed all my kids and was really quiet on the drive up. My heart was aching, my stomach hurt but I just knew I had to keep moving forward. It would all be okay. Sure enough, after my typical twenty minute silence buffer, I was in good spirits and so excited to get out of town! Damien's brother was able to upgrade us to first class (I know, as if the trip couldn't get any better) and it was the flight of a lifetime! The seats went all the way back so we could lay flat, they gave us a really nice comforter for the flight to Miami, and I slept from take off to touch down (which was good since it was a red eye flight and we landed in Miami at 4:00 a.m. our time). We spent a few hours in Miami before heading to Jamaica. When we landed in Jamaica- it was if we were in a movie. The Jamaican accent is just beautiful! The land was beautiful, the weather was beautiful, and we were so happy. Ahhh. We needed this!

We arrived at the Ritz Carleton in Montego Bay, Jamaica and quickly met with the woman and her staff who were organizing the Club trip for Damien's company. Everything was so well thought out, organized and they had an awesome five day all expense paid trip planned out for us. We retreated to our room which was so pretty and luxurious and got ready to get some lunch on the beach. I seriously felt like I was dreaming and just knew I had to live in the moment because life with four busy busy kids was at home waiting for me! That night we had an ocean side dinner on the beach and it was a 'barefoot only' reception. Toes in the sand with my husband- this was just too much.

The next morning we headed to a great destination called Dunns River Falls. Everyone in our group went and it was hailed as a 'must see and experience attraction' in this part of Jamaica and I was really excited. Dunns Falls did not disappoint! Basically you follow a path all the way down to the beach where you see a giant cascading waterfall. We were all given water shoes and started to hike up these long falls and it was amazing! Sometimes you had to hold hands with a lot of people in a long chain to traverse the rocks but other times you just tried your best to get good footing and climb. It was about a 45 minute long experience and one I will never forget. The one thing I would like to forget were the banana spiders which you could see in giant webs in the trees. That was a bit scary but otherwise- it was just breathtaking! That evening we dined at the White Witch Golf Course and it was so gorgeous. I was so happy I decided to come on this trip.

That night in the lounge- we met up with a lot of people that Damien knew and were having a great time. There was a beautiful Jamaican woman in there singing Bob Marley and we were enjoying catching up with friends while listening to her sing. She wandered over our way singing No Woman No Cry. Then she handed Damien the microphone which then brings me to one of my most proud moments of Damien. If you know Damien, you know he does dialects really well. And let me tell you, his Jamaican accent is pretty good. He starts singing No Woman No Cry and everyone starts going crazy! The woman didn't dare take the microphone back because (and I am not exaggerating) people in the lounges next door started coming in to see who was singing. The next thing I know, strangers are taking his picture while he is singing, and our group is just laughing hysterically at what was happening. I watched with immense pride for about the first minute before I realized I had better get some of this on video! I got a few minutes worth and I am so happy we have it! He sang it so well and someone even asked him if he was a professional singer! It was so awesome! Definitely one of his finer moments and one I will NEVER forget. Classic.

The next day, we decided we wanted to just hang out at the beach and do next to nothing. After a few hours of just vegging out- we took a Hobbie Cat ride out into the ocean driven by one of the guys who worked at the hotel. It was so cool. We were out there for about twenty-five minutes or so and it was so spectacular. Our driver noticed that I was holding onto the side of the boat with white knuckles and he asked me, "Why are you worried? No problems mon. No problems." He was right. Most of the locals we met there all seemed to have this cool relaxed outlook on life. Why worry when things will most probably be okay? I took what he said to heart and loosened my grip. I needed to relax. That was why I was there. No worries. No worries.

The next day we went to go swim with dolphins . . . in the ocean! How cool is that? On these Club trips you can pick from a bunch of different activities. Our first urge was to go to the spa but then we figured we could do that anywhere! These dolphins were amazing. We were able to hug them, kiss them, touch their teeth, tickle them, and be right up next to these human like mammals. They are so smart and it was so spectacular to be able to get so close to them while being out in their element. I am so happy we did this and our kids think we are the coolest now that they have seen the pictures!

We also went snorkeling off one of the Hobbie Cats that afternoon. Basically, our hotel guide took the boat out about ten minutes into the ocean, dropped anchor and let us swim. I have a love/hate relationship with snorkeling. Yes, I love the sight of the beautifully colored fish in their own habitat but I prefer they stay at an arms reach because it freaks me out when they get too close! I am most afraid of eels but luckily- they said they don't see them there much. We dove off the boat and were having a great time until I saw a small jelly fish under Damien's stomach. I did my best underwater scream to alert Damien and let him know what was near him and pushed him away from the jelly. Then the paranoid part of me went above water, yelled to our guide and asked if it was okay if there were jelly fish out here! He said it was okay but if we saw a bunch- to swim in. So, if you know me- I was no longer snorkeling but on 'Jelly Fish Watch' to make sure we weren't in danger. I know that I tend to be a bit dramatic when it comes to animals/fish but I didn't want to be stung! Once I started searching- I saw a ton of them. They were all clear so you couldn't seem them unless you were a crazy lady like me- peering through the blue waters until I saw one. I came above water and yelled to Damien, "I'm out. I'm out!" I started swimming as fast as I could to the boat. We didn't have flippers so I was doing my best to get the heck outta there while battling the saltwater swells which had me swallowing tons of water while trying not to panic. Basically, if you are stuck in middle of the ocean, you don't want me there to try and save you. After about ten minutes of what I would consider 'serious yet pathetic swimming' I made it to the boat completely out of breath. Phew. No stings, I was safe. Now let's get back to shore. Turns out- the anchor got stuck under the coral. Uh huh. Just my luck. I was DONE with the ocean but had to be patient and let our guide get us free!

That night we went a catered dinner at the Jerk Center on the Ritz Carleton property and enjoyed the meal so much! The jerk seasoning is so flavorful and just so tasty and all of the meat was so tender. We had a great time trying the fare of this beautiful island and just enjoying the peace of it all as we felt the end of our trip inching nearer. We had such a blast that evening. The people in Damien's company are so nice and so fun to talk with and it was cool to catch up with people from all across the world!

On our last full day, we spent the majority of it lounging pool or beach side and ordering out meals to our lounge chairs. Rough life, huh. I realized that I hadn't thought too much about the kids while I was enjoying my time in Jamaica. I really thought I would be obsessing over them- but I wasn't. We called home a couple of times a day but because I knew they were in such great care- my mind was at ease and for the first time in a couple years . . . my mind was quiet. I could hear myself think. I could do what I wanted to do without having to budget for nap times and meals to cook. I took it easy and loved hanging out with Damien and being able to have uninterrupted conversations and just being guaranteed time to enjoy one another. It was just what the doctor ordered.

On the last night, Damien had his awards ceremony. Once again, I was proud of him and all of his accomplishments. I get complimented a lot about how well I seem to manage four kids and our hectic life. I don't think Damien gets the credit he deserves because not only does he work so hard to be successful, he makes time to be with his family, he is attentive to all of us, he has his priorities straight and I think he makes it look easy! I was happy for him that he was acknowledged for his his hard work. Everyone likes it when people appreciate what they do and how well they do it. It was his time and I was really happy for him.

After the delicious dinner, there was another barefoot reception on the beach with a giant bonfire and these beautiful little lit up cabanas that you could relax in as we all enjoyed our last night in Jamaica. We loved our time in Jamaica. In fact, I can't even tell you something that I didn't enjoy because I loved it all! The Ritz was amazing, the weather was incredible, the group of people were really fun, I loved being there with my husband, the people of the island were incredibly friendly and genuinely nice, we felt safe at all times, and we got to experience so many new things together. I love staying at home with my kids. At first I felt bad that I was going to leave them, but I know I will be a better Mom for having had some time to myself to relax, reflect, and let go. We had a great time on our trip and I sincerely hope we get to return to Jamaica again!