Quacker and Bugs

For the past year or so, Michael has been begging me to go into the Keepsakes Box in the garage and find Quacker and Bugs. These two stuffed animals kept Michael company in his incubator and provided a little color and some stimulation for him. When Michael was born in Paris, a lot of people sent us care packages from home. Most of them were full of American food that we so badly longed for- but some people sent cute little things for Michael. Bugs (the little stuffed bunny) was sent to us by my Grandma and Quacker (the little yellow ducky) was sent to us from my cousin Julie. These two little guys were really cute and small so Damien and I brought them to the NICU and asked if we could put them in Michael's incubator. They told us we were allowed to do it- but that they would have to disinfect them and then place them in sealed sterile plastic bags so no infection entered Michael's 'little home'.

Over the years Michael has become more and more aware of his beginnings and has looked with increasing interest at the photo album devoted to his long journey from Paris to America. One thing that has always peaked his interest are Quacker and Bugs. Of course Damien and I cherish them because they brought us comfort too, but we were surprised to see that Michael wanted to see them so badly. Well, Damien finally went into the garage to dig into one of the three Keepsake Bins to look for these two little animals. When Michael first saw them he was shocked at how little they were. We explained that next to his little body- they probably looked big to him. But now that he was bigger- they probably seemed smaller. We thought that was a cute observation. Michael also loved that Bugs wears one of Michael's french hospital bands around his ankle. One funny thing is that for the entire time we were in Paris- they insisted on spelling Michael's name Mickael. This bugged Michael and he said, 'Didn't they know how to spell my name?" Hey bud- it comes with the territory. Maybe if your Mom and Dad didn't go to Europe pregnant that wouldn't have happened!!! Michael was so proud to be holding Quacker and Bugs but was surprisingly delicate with them. He knew how special they were and wants to save them to show his kids one day. Michael explained to Matthew their significance and has insisted that I put them on display on a high shelf in my kitchen for a while so that Quacker and Bugs can be a part of our family in America.

One other very special keepsake from Michael's birth in Paris, France was a little giraffe named Sophie that was given to Michael by one of his many nurses, Severine, right before he was to be discharged. She explained that every baby born in France is given this little squeaky toy and that Michael should be no different. She hoped that Sophie would remind Michael of France as he grew older. For the first few years- Michael had no interest in Sophie. Then Sophie became 'really cool' to Michael and was played with and squeaked often. Last year, poor Sophie was feeling her age and lost her ability to squeak. Then this year, her pliable plastic neck began to crack. Michael was really upset over this so Michael taped her neck so that it wouldn't crack anymore. His love for this little toy is so sweet. I thought it might be fun to get him a new one for his birthday last month! When he opened it- he couldn't believe I had gotten him another Sophie all the way from France! Then he pursed his lips a little and said to me, "Sorry Mom. I made a deal with the first Sophie that I would never trade her in." I swear- this is word for word what he said. It was so sweet. From the picture- you can tell how much 'love' the older Sophie has gotten compared to the newer Sophie. I assured Michael that his original Sophie isn't going anywhere and that now Sophie has a new friend. He liked this and then made sure that if he played with the newer giraffe, he gave his original Sophie some love, too.

Fun Differences

When I was younger and thought of my future children- I somehow pictured them to be very similar looking with similar stories. By similar- I meant brown hair with brown eyes. Ha! I couldn't have been more wrong. This baby that will join us soon will have a look all his/her own and his/her own story to match. Here are some interesting things that make all of my kids very different!

Birth Cities: Michael was born in Paris, France. Claire was born in Seattle, Washington. Matthew was born in Los Gatos, California. Baby #4 will be born in San Jose, California.

Birth Hospitals: Michael was born in Hopital Cochin. Claire was born in Swedish Hospital. Matthew was born in Los Gatos Community Hospital. Baby #4 will be born in Good Samaritan Hospital.

Birth Weight: Michael was 1 lb. 9 oz. Claire was 7 lbs. 13 ounces. Matthew was born 8 lbs. 5 ounces.

Hair Color: Michael has red hair. Claire has brown hair. Matthew has blond hair.

Eye Color: Michael has crystal blue eyes. Claire has green eyes. Matthew has bluish green eyes.


Even when it came to developmental milestones and teething- they were all very different.

One thing all of them have in common is that they are right handed. Oh, and they're all very cute.

I just got to thinking the other day and realized that my children really have their own identities and are each so special to me in so many different ways. I see a lot of similarities between Claire and Matthew (even on the days they were born). I also do see Michael in Matthew sometimes, too. We call Matthew 'The Hybrid' because he bridges the gap between Michael and Claire's looks- kind of rounding them all out. Just as I finished writing this sentence- I started feeling the baby kicking around in my tummy and thought, 'Who Are You In There?' Seriously! Isn't that moment amazing when you lay your eyes on your baby for the first time and are able to match it's cute little face with all the movements you felt for the past nine months??? I am not sure who you are baby or what you look like- but I know that you have three siblings here waiting patiently for you to join their crazy little circus. Boy are you lucky!!!

30 Weeks and Deep Thoughts

Are you getting bored of my posts yet where I sound like a broken record because I am reporting week by week that I am not on bedrest yet? Because I am going crazy around here!!! Since I got pregnant this time (and really even Claire and Matthew's pregnancies) I have always prepared for the worst because of what we went through with Michael. The shock and awe of what was happening was just too much to even absorb that Damien and I didn't know up from down for about three straight weeks after he was born. My little defense mechanism is to prepare for bad news so that I don't find myself hurling towards depression and utter shock when I receive news that just isn't as bad as I had thought. Now I know that even if I did get news that I had to go on bedrest or even have to birth this baby now- I would be disappointed but would most certainly battle my way through things because we are inching closer and closer to safety for this baby. My heart hurts less these days, I don't spend countless hours worrying over the littlest things, and I really feel like I am in a good mental place instead of the minor depression I used to find myself wandering in from time to time.

I can't explain to you why I feel so heavy for the vast majority of the pregnancy. I just think that no matter how much convincing anyone does to try and tell me that things are going to be okay- I can't stop from going to the bad place because I have been to some pretty bad places. Because this is my first time being pregnant while immersed in a school environment where all the moms know I am pregnant and a lot of people want to know how I am doing- I have found myself conflicted on how to describe my pregnancy to someone. For instance- in the beginning if they asked when I was due (which is July 7th but also is a complete joke because I will never make it there)- do I tell them I will deliver early or just go with the July 7th date to avoid questioning? Also, I am so used to talking about preterm labor, preemies, cervix issues that I sometimes don't realize that I can freak people out just by telling them my story. My pregnancies are complicated and so are the emotions that I endure and carry with me throughout the nine months. I cringe and worry so much until I reach the day Michael was born (25 weeks) in any of my pregnancies because to me- that signifies the very first day that I actually might be able to have the baby and have it survive. I know that it is a morbid thought but I spent so many days staring at my little 1.5 pound baby Michael praying for him to just hang on and give me a chance to be his Mommy. How can I ignore or even push aside these feelings? They are real. This really difficult experience did happen to me and unless you have been through it yourself- you wouldn't be able to understand why I have such a hard time just shaking off my worries and thinking everything will be okay. (Picture of Michael two weeks after birth.)


Once I hit 25 weeks, every day seems a bit brighter. I slowly become more optimistic and hope and pray to make it to my next mental milestone. Well- I am thrilled to say that I am 30 weeks and it feels amazing to be able to say that I am in the thirties! Oh, this baby in my tummy feels so healthy, so big, and I know that the hours I spend resting and the unselfish decisions I make not to push it or walk when I don't need to is helping this sweet baby have the best shot possible at a healthy birth and life. Amazingly- I was told this week that I was again healthy enough to stay on my feet and avoid bedrest. I am in shock. Yes, here comes that whole 'broken record' part I was talking about earlier. I can't believe it. I seriously can't believe I still have 3 cm of cervix and am walking. What a blessing, what a joy, and what a way to wrap up this long journey of pregnancy. I also took the Ffn test and thankfully- that came back negative, which means I should make it to 32 weeks without labor. Really, this is all great news. It just makes me emotional because after three long and extremely difficult pregnancies- I am finally catching a bit of a break. (Picture of me on bedrest in the hospital with Claire's pregnancy.)

My sister Gina sent me a song this week that reminded her of me and Damien and what we are going through and what we have been through. I clicked on it expecting to like it but didn't expect that within seconds of listening to the words- I would be bawling. I really feel like this is our last pregnancy. I have loved each and every pregnancy despite it's difficult nature but I also know that it has taken a toll on me. I have had to overcome so much, had to endure some very heavy things at a very young age and I feel like when I meet this new baby- I will put aside the very complex yet wonderful journey of growing my beautiful babies and instead focus on mothering them. In the song Gina sent me- some of the lyrics seemed to perfectly describe my most difficult experiences. (Picture of me on bedrest with Matthew.)

All of these lines across my face,

Tell you the story of who I am.
So many stories of where I've been,

And how I got to where I am.

But these stories don't mean anything,

When you've got no one to tell them to

It's true...I was made for you.

See the smile that's on my mouth,

It's hiding the words that don't come out.

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed,

They don't know my head is a mess.

No, they don't know who I really am,

And they don't know what I've been through

Like you do. And I was made for you...

What this song means to me is that no matter how I describe what I have been through, no matter if you saw me go through it, no matter if you were extremely close to me or an observer from afar- no one had to go through what I went through but me. And while I don't wear all of the painful experiences on my face, they are in me somewhere. And when I am pregnant they sneak up and remind me of where I have been which makes it hard for me to shake off the negative and feel positive all the time. We all have our own journey through life and for some reason or another- I choose to believe that this long eight year journey of difficult pregnancies will only make me stronger in the end. I will be sad to say goodbye to pregnancy but will be happy to finally put away some of the more unpleasant memories I hold and instead focus on the positives. (Picture of Michael one week old.)

Wow. I just really babbled here but feel like I released some of the feelings I have had in my heart for the past few months. Perhaps I am peeling away the layers of protection I have been building up for the last seven months to expose the softer, less defensive and scared part of me so that I can welcome this new life into the world unafraid and with all of my heart.

Heat Wave

Back in January, we were spoiled with the most amazing weather here. It tricked so many of us into thinking we were inching out of Winter only to be smacked in the face with weeks and weeks of rain (which California desperately needed so it made it okay). If you have ever lived in this area or have been lucky enough to travel here during the Spring months- you know how amazing the weather is here. Warm enough so that you can wear shorts and get a tan, but not too hot where you don't want to go outside. For the most part, our summers are great but there are days that are just so stinkin' hot that you crank the AC up and hang out inside until just before dinner time.

My Mom and Gina timed it just perfectly to be here for our first major heat wave this Spring. We've had a lot of beautiful 80 degree days so far but this heat wave was going to turn it up a notch! During the prime hours of the afternoon it was about 99 degrees on Monday and Tuesday and smokin' hot (to quote bret Michaels). We had just gotten a new pool for the kids and they made the most of it and had an absolute ball while running around in their little birthday suits! We took Claire to gymnastics and when we drove her home around 5:30 p.m. it was still in the 90s and felt awesome! We came home and barbecued and had corn on the cob and watermelon (two of my summer staple foods) and let the kids splash us with water and enjoyed every minute of sunlight we were given. It was just a tease for the weather that is on the way and I can't wait to spend more time outside just enjoying the great outdoors. I will say- one drawback was that I found that my legs were swollen because of the heat. I made sure that I drank a lot of water but I just think I am going to have to deal with whatever side effects the heat gives me and go along for the ride. After all- I only have about six weeks left of this pregnancy and would totally prefer beautiful weather and a little swelling than weather that was dark and dismal that might bum me out. On a side note- my sister in law, Lani, found me the sun lounger that I have been searching for for the last three weeks. When bedrest comes and even in the interim with my preventative bedrest, I want to be able to kill some time laying outside but needed a lounger that would lay completely flat and not break the bank. I searched and searched, in a wheelchair and all, and found nothing that wasn't like $80. A huge thanks to Lani for finding me my holy grail!!!

Holy Houseguests!!!

I love to be around people. If you called and said you were in the area- I'd be thrilled to see you. Heck- you can stay the night if you want to! I just love when there is a lot going on around me. Since the day after Easter until today (2 weeks) we have had three different groups of family staying with us. They came in four separate rounds, some overlapping, and kept us company for the last two weeks. It started with Damien's brother and his family who stayed for four days. It was great having them here and my kids certainly enjoyed having their two cousins who are currently living in England here to pal around with. It was a little crazy with five kids under eight running around but we made the very best of it. We had so much fun that wouldn't you know I didn't take my camera out once! Mark and Jocelyn have been in England for almost two years now so it was nice to see them and touch base. We visited them this past summer in England but really haven't really had the chance to hang out as much as we did this past week since last summer. It was a really nice visit and a great chance to just enjoy the great company and beautiful weather.

My sister Gina came down and overlapped with Mark and Jocelyn's stay for one night. That night we had ten people sleeping here and it was pretty comfortable if I might say! (Of course I was sleeping in my own comfy bed.) She was such a help when she was here. Sure, we sat out in the sun and listened to music a lot- but she helped out a lot with the kids and miscellaneous jobs around the house that I haven't gotten to. We also got to just sit and night and catch up on each other's life and enjoy one another. I loved her visit and can't wait until she comes back again. (Oh, and I only took this one picture when she was down here!) My Mom came down and overlapped with Gina's visit for a few days which was fun, too. They were able to come to my 29 week doctor's appointment and also tried and stay cool as the temperature rose into the high 90s! We had a great barbeque and some precious moments together that will sustain me for the next few months. I was sad to see Gina go but it was nice to have my Mom here to keep me company.

Just one day later, my Dad and sister Laura flew in for a visit. I haven't seen my Dad or Laura since December (which was the last time I was allowed to fly on a plane in this pregnancy). I was so happy to see them and they couldn't believe the size of my belly! The last time they saw me I was ten weeks pregnant. The kids had missed their Auntie and Grandpa and were so delighted to have them here to enjoy! We just hung out a lot and tried to get out of the house at least one time a day. Because I can't walk very far and have to use a wheelchair if we go shopping- it limited our outing possibilities but we managed to have a lot of fun shopping while my Dad pushed me around! My parents got to go to Michael's baseball game and also do the ever exciting drop off and pick up at the kids' school. We hung out a lot in the backyard and watched the kids swim in the kiddie pool while we relaxed. All in all, it was an amazing visit and I feel very happy that I was able to see my Dad and sister and reconnect after missing them so much.

And now we are home alone. We are enjoying the autonomy but also miss our family that brightened our lives for a few weeks. It won't be long until I have this baby and then am granted permission to fly again. I am looking forward to a nice long visit in Kirkland, Washington this summer where I plan on doing a whole lot of nothing while hanging out with my amazing family. Oh, while also watching my four kids. Things are going to get very interesting very soon!!!

29 Weeks

I am going to cut right to the chase. I AM NOT ON BEDREST!!! Okay, I feel better now. I had to shout out this fantastic news in the hope that I actually digest it. I feel so strange today. This fabulous turn of events wasn't in the plan! I go through a little process to get ready for my appointments. I try and prepare myself with my real expectations while letting in just the right amount of hope that things might be better than we could have ever imagined. This week, with Gina and my Mom in tow- we went to my appointment ready to see if bedrest time had come. As she measured my cervix- I watched the measurement in the corner of the ultrasound screen grow past 2.5 cm (which is where I was expecting it to stop) and go right up to 3.0 cm. Damien and I looked at each other in disbelief as we watched my doctor retake the measurement to make sure it was correct. Even my doctor was surprised and said that she wasn't going to try and figure out why it was long this week- instead she told me to go with it and enjoy another week on my feet.


It was awesome to have my family with me at this appointment to share in the excitement and to see me so happy. This was the first time Gina had ever seen an ultrasound of a baby so that was pretty cool. The doctor measured the baby's weight this week and my chubby little baby weighed in at 3.5 lbs already! I am finally getting to the point in the pregnancy where I am truly happy. With every week- I am getting closer to the birth of a healthy baby which has been my goal since I found out I was pregnant October. I am worrying less and just trying to prepare for the arrival of a baby I have worked so hard to grow big and strong. Seven weeks to go (not that I am counting) until I get the cerclage taken out and wait hours or days for this little one to join us. Let the fun begin!

My Little Mush Mouth

Matthew has really exploded with his language in the last few months. It started with a few words and then escalated pretty quickly to really descriptive and surprisingly advanced words. Matthew learned his colors and learned to count to ten and really seems to want to know the world around him. At least once an hour he will bring me a book and say, 'Mom, name?' I think a large reason for his want to learn is that he wants to be like everyone else in the house. He won't be denied when it comes to his older brother and sister. He thinks he can do anything they can! Up until a few weeks ago- Matthew was about 95% understandable- however, this has now all changed. Matthew recently decided that he wants to speak in full sentences. Can he speak in full sentences? Not so much. It is actually hilarious to hear him try and speak like a big kid. All of this noise comes out of his mouth with a few words flung here and there. It is so funny! But he thinks he is really speaking complete sentences and I am not going to be the one that tells him differently! He usually does this when he is excited and trying to get a lot of information out at one time. When Claire was learning to speak- we used to call her 'mush mouth' because her language was fairly undistinguishable. And my the way things are going- it looks we might have another one on our hands again!

28 Weeks

This week was a really calm week in general but I cannot begin to tell you about how much silly anxiety I had! Knowing full well that this week I went on bedrest with Matthew, I was nervous for my doctor's appointment on Tuesday. Not only was I prepping for the news that I needed bedrest- I was also a little uncomfortable that I had to see a different doctor than my own. My doctor deserves a vacation! She works so much but the timing of her trip was less than optimal for me. I was worried that the different doctor would measure my cervix differently than my doctor and that I might have to go on bedrest because of a mismeasurement. Remember- we are measuring tenths of a centimeter here! Lucky for me, my appointment got cancelled two days in a row (if you can believe it) and I was able to reschedule an appointment on Thursday with my doctor who was back from vacation. Woohoo! My appointment went amazingly well. My cervix measured 3.1 cm which means another week of freedom for me! I couldn't be happier especially since this is uncharted 'mobile' territory for me.

Today at my appointment I took the Ffn test again. Last time I took it- it took nearly four days to get the results because we went through the lab in the office. When you are worried about going into labor and take a test that can predict labor within two weeks- it is silly to just wait for four days to get the results! If it did come back positive- I would need to get treated immediately and take action. In order to avoid the four day wait for results- we brought the sample to Good Samaritan Hospital (where I will deliver #4). It was a really busy day in our house so only Matthew and I were available to take it to the hospital. It really was no problem. I was at ease knowing that very soon I would get my results instead of waiting nervously for four days. The next morning I got a call from my doctor's office and got the news I was hoping for! The Ffn test came back negative again. This means I most definitely won't go into labor until 30.5 weeks. It is a great relief and just one more positive piece to this long and intricate puzzle.

I couldn't help but look at Matthew tonight in the hospital and think that this might be the last time I am just with him in the hospital. Perhaps the next time I am with him here- he will have a new sister or brother! You know- in the beginning stages of pregnancy it feels so surreal to be pregnant. This last trimester has a sobering way of reminding you that you really are going to have another baby! Up to this point- I have focused a lot on getting through my pregnancy and now I am transitioning into realizing that another sweet baby will be entering my life very soon. I am so happy to have had another good week and just hope that the week ahead holds much of the same!

Happy Easter

Happy Easter Everybody! For the first time in years- we woke up in our own home this Easter. Normally, we switch off every other year to be with either Damien or my family but because of the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy we were home! We woke up fairly leisurely and the kids were anxious to see if the Easter Bunny had come and much to their amazement- he did! Of course we also took time to reflect on Easter's true meaning and the sacrifice Jesus made for all of us. We also celebrated because this year, Michael's actual 8th Birthday fell on Easter so we sang Happy Birthday and cheered him on for being another year older! Quite a bit of significance packed into one very important day.

It was a very joyous day but also one with a small bit of sadness for me. I knew that I would have to stay home all day and not be able to go to Sonoma with Damien and the kids to celebrate Easter with his family. Of course, Damien had first said that they wouldn't go because they didn't want to leave me here all alone. I would hear nothing of the sort and said that he had to take the kids to go have fun with their family and friends. Afterall, how much fun it is to look at your Mommy laying on the couch all day??? After pleading with Damien to please go without me- he agreed. It was Michael's birthday and also a day they could spent with their cousins so I was so happy that their day would be filled with fun and excitement. I got them all dressed up and was prepared to be emotionally strong as I said goodbye to them. However- this all changed as I helped put them in the car and noticed that Claire was crying. "I don't want to leave you here, Mom. It is not fair that you have to stay here without us." I could feel the tears creeping into the corners of my eyes but I fought them back and told her I would be fine. I then explained to her that I have made these types of sacrifices for each one of my babies when they were in my tummy. "Sometimes it is hard to make the right choice but I know that this baby deserves the same sacrifices made for him/her." I knew not going was the right thing to do but it was a lot harder than I had anticipated. My kids looked adorable in their little coordinating outfits and I wanted so badly to be with them rather than say goodbye to them. However, part of me taking on another pregnancy was knowing that regardless of the circumstances- I needed to make the very best choices for this baby. I kissed them all goodbye and made my way to the couch where I spent the majority of the day.

Damien and the kids had an absolute blast up in Sonoma. They got to hang out with the family, see their cousins, eat a delicious brunch, and then swim in the pool at the hotel afterwards and have a mini birthday party for Michael. I am told that Damien was on a mission to let the kids have a great time at the event but also get out of there as soon as possible to get back to me. He really is wonderful to be able to handle all three kids, give them a great day- but also keep me in mind. When they got home that evening, we went out and got some burritos and had a small birthday dinner here for Michael. We were going to get a cake for Michael but the amount of chocolate and candy each of my kids brought home from the two Easter egg hunts was ridiculous! Michael said he was too full for chocolate cake. This might have been the first time in Michael's life that he has refused chocolate or at least turned it down. We had a nice little celebration together and I was happy to have my kids and husband back. They went to sleep with no problem at all as they were completely exhausted after a long day in the sun! All in all, Easter was good- just different. I just kept thinking how wonderful Easter would be next year with a new baby in my arms. Then all of the sacrifices will have been worth it!

Hi-Ya! Michael's Class Birthday Party!

Honestly, I don't know where the eight years have gone since my little Michael was born. Eight years! Can you believe it? Even if I think back really hard, I have a hard time finding out where all of this lost time went. I know that we have had a lot of fun together and I know that Michael has had a really wonderfully full and bright eight years. However, something about having a son that is eight makes me feel like I am eighty! I guess I better get used to him getting older and hitting monumental ages because he is not getting any younger. Especially with a new baby on the way- Michael is so far ahead of Matthew and baby #4 that he will always feel so much older. When he gets his driver's license- this new little one will be hitting the same birthday as he did today- eight years old. I will have a new driver and a first grader at the same time! Crazy how life flips and changes on you. When Michael and Claire were born- I had a house full of babies. But as the last two kids are raised- my older kids will really be in a different place! How great and exciting life really is!

Michael really wanted to have a party where he could invite all the boys in his class. After all- these are the precious innocent years where it makes more sense to invite them all instead of risking hurt feelings and rejection. I looked all around and found this great karate studio that would do everything for me from invitations, entertainment, pizza, and cake. Um, can you say done and done? Michael had a private lesson beforehand to go over some skills and to learn how to break a board with a flying side kick. On his party day, he got to be an honorary black belt, help with the karate instruction, and break the board. He tried his flying side kick as best he could but ended breaking the board with his knee which was more dramatic anyway. His friends couldn't believe this 'amazing feat' and Michael felt like he was king of the world! He had so much fun and really felt special and honored (which is what I wanted anyways).

In the end, Michael had a great class birthday party. It wasn't an easy one to pull off because Michael has had a particularly sick March/April. Four straight viruses in four weeks. This kiddo just couldn't catch a break! His class party was actually scheduled for a week ago Sunday but we had to cancel it because he got sick the night before. He was devastated but luckily- we were able to get most of his friends to his rescheduled party. Whew! In the end- all three of my kids had an absolute blast at Michael's birthday party. Damien and I got to sit back and relax as someone else wrangled eighteen 7/8 year old boys and we enjoyed watching Michael and Claire perform their karate moves and have a blast! The best part, however, was being able to walk away from the chaos and the mess and go home to our clean house where Michael opened up all of his gifts and was in all his eight year old glory! Happy Birthday Michael!

Why I Love To Cook

My childhood is full of many vibrant and wonderful memories and strangely enough- a lot of them have to do with smell. I come from a big Italian family and as you can imagine there was always something cooking in the kitchen. I will never forget the smell of sauteed peppers, onions, and garlic that would knock me over as I entered my Nana's house as a child. Or the smell of spaghetti and meatballs at my Grandma's house that would have me looking forward to dinner from the minute I walked in! So many times when I was a child- I remember waking up from a nap at home and being overwhelmed by the delicious aroma of dinner that my Mom was cooking. There was always life in the kitchen in our family. I grew up watching phenomenal women cook for their families and seeing people so happy after sharing a delicious meal together. Without trying too hard, my great grandma, my grandmas, and my Mom passed on the love of food and cooking to me and I love cooking for my family and friends.

Claire likes to help me out in the kitchen, but these days- I am not in there too much because of the pregnancy. I planned ahead and froze a lot of meals but I haven't had the chance in the last few months to get in there and make a feast! Lucky for me- my Mom was here for a week and spoiled us with her delicious cooking. The thing I love about my Mom is that she has gotten my kids interested in cooking and introduced them to a lot of fantastic foods. She and Claire got together one night and made Pasta Bolognese. They even made homemade pasta (cavatelle) together and Claire was so proud of herself! She couldn't believe that she could do what Nonna did and surely picked up some confidence that I hope will translate into Claire being confident in her own kitchen one day.

I find it amazing that some people just 'like' food. I don't just 'like' food- I 'love' food. I care how it's cooked, I care how it looks, I love how it tastes. Basically- food and I are very good friends and I owe a lot of that to my Mom and my Grandmas. Sure- I have to spend more time on the treadmill to counter my love for most all food, but it is a relationship that I wouldn't give up for anything. Mangia!!!

27 weeks

So here's the latest and greatest. We had a bit of a change this week as my cervical length shunk an entire centimeter in just one week. Last week I was 4.1 cm and this week I was 3.1 cm. I had a hunch that things would kind of go this way but I was also holding out hope that maybe I would be able to carry this baby longer before having to go on bedrest. This doesn't mean that this next Tuesday I will shorten to 2.5 cm but I am definitely preparing for it. If on Tuesday I am told that I need to go on bedrest- the timing would be the exact as with Matthew's pregnancy. But we will see! You never know and I would love to be surprised with another week of mobility.

The great news is that the baby looked fantastic and let us see it's face again. He/she is still head down and I hope it stays that way just for peace of mind. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that I passed the three hour glucose screen which was a HUGE relief. I didn't need to deal with that, too! My next appointment is Tuesday and I will be taking the FFN test again to see if labor is on the way within the next two weeks. I am hoping to bring the two older kids next week because they are on spring break and they haven't had the chance to see the baby on ultrasound yet. We'll see! So plain and simply, things are still good and at this point in the pregnancy- every day makes a huge difference so I am just trying to push ahead one day at a time.

My Helpers

I was lucky enough to have my sister Natalie (my youngest sister who is 11 1/2 yrs younger than me) down to visit during her Spring Break from college. She was an amazing help and I really needed her here more than I knew. Not only did we have great quality time together (think Real Housewives of New York and Baskin Robbins) but she also got my life in order. On day two, she walked into Claire's room and started emptying her dresser telling me that my organization was out of control. She's right there! We gutted Claire's room and then went into the boy's room and did the same. 11 bags to Goodwill later- I felt cleansed and couldn't have done it without her! She spent every moment of free time soaking up the gorgeous sunshine and even got my pale pregnant body outside to get some color, too! My house was spotless, she kept Matthew entertained outside so I could rest, and she gave me the time I needed to rest and just relax. Plus she got to spent some great quality time with all three of my kids and I know that she and the kids loved that! I miss her already but am so happy I was able to spend such great time with her and have her all to myself!

Just two days after Natalie left- my Mom flew into town to give me the same kind of help. I am trying to take it easy so that I can get through these important weeks of the pregnancy so having Natalie and then my Mom here let me focus on resting instead of trying to keep up with my kids crazy schedules!!! From the moment my Mom flew into town my kids were on cloud nine! She did art/craft projects with Clairey (they have their own business called Rainbow Jewels), she appeased Matthew with most every request he had and she couldn't believe how much he was talking and how he was organizing the whole family. Matthew is crazy like that! Always on top of everything! She was able to celebrate Michael's birthday early with him and bring down his birthday gifts from Nonna, Grandpa, and his aunties and got to see Michael do karate and then play a baseball game. She made me meals to freeze that I can access once I am on full bedrest and was just an amazing help to all of us. She got to see Baby Choo Choo on the ultrasound at my doctors appointment and that alone made her the happiest Nonna in the world.

She filled in for my 'normal jobs' when it came to bathing the kids, making dinners, cooking, breaking up fights, solving the kids arguments, and giving the kids extra attention as I have had to lay down and keep more of a lower profile these days. My Mom is amazing and it is no wonder she was able to raise five kids on her own. She is truly an inspiration to me and makes me think that at the end of this pregnancy- I just might be able to handle all four of my kids. Thanks Nat and Mom for coming down to help me out. I appreciate it more than you know!!!

26 Weeks

Yeah, yeah, yeah! We got a good report again and I am just beyond thrilled. My Mom, Damien, and Matthew were with me and it was a great appointment all around. After many weeks of admiring the baby's spine (that is all that the baby would show us)- we finally got to see the face and the baby put on a show! Baby Choo Choo flipped head down this week and let us see his/her face and those cute chubby cheeks! The baby was really moving around today and my Mom was so touched and amazed to see her little grandchild in action. My cervix measured 4.1 cm this week which is fantastic and the cerclage is still holding. These days, that it all we are hoping for. Something that was new this week was the Fetal Fibronectin test. This test is a predictor for premature labor within two weeks and I am thrilled to report that my results were negative. The test is repeated every two weeks until I am about 35 weeks. I took these tests with Matthew and got a negative every time and I can only hope for the same this time around. I will go back in on Thursday to take the three hour glucose test and hope to get good results from that too.

I am so happy to be in such good shape and am truly enjoying the journey with this little baby. It was even more special to have my Mom here for my appointment so that she could see this baby in action! I got really excited to be able to see the baby's face this week. I could see the eyes, the face shape, and those cheeks. Who are you? How will you change our lives? We can't wait to meet you little baby. Only ten more weeks to go. Hang in there and grow, grow, grow!

Tooth #3 for Michael

When I was a kid, I used to love it when my teeth were loose. I would spend hours wiggling them and loved the challenge on trying to get them out (oh- and I liked the money from the tooth fairy)! This is something that Michael absolutely did not inherit from me. Michael's top left tooth has been loose for months now. Over the months and weeks, it has gotten ridiculously loose but he refuses to let us get in there to take a look at it or pull it out. He complains that he can't eat (I don't blame him) but won't get the darned thing out of there so we can all get some peace around the situation!

Tonight we could actually see the tooth hanging on by a thread and tried desperately to convince him to let us pull it out! No cigar. Finally, I cornered him and likened the 'tooth pulling' experience to that of getting a shot. I told him that the more he worried the worse it would be in the end. If he just let Daddy pull it out- it would all be over and he wouldn't have to worry about the tooth again! I said, 'Just go over to Dad and say that you don't want to talk about it- you just want him to pull it out!' I was as shocked as ever when he went along with my plan and got Damien and told him to pull it out without talking. It was one big tug and the little tooth that lived in Michael's mouth for almost eight years was out! He was so happy! Claire was happy for him too, as she was a bit anxious that the extraction would hurt her brother! Matthew was just confused and kept asking to look at the now vacant spot in Michael's mouth. I think he thought it was magic or something.

I think it is safe to say that we were all relieved to see that the pesky tooth was out! It was even cooler because my Mom was here to witness all of the excitement! Claire quickly pointed out to Michael that now they were tied in 'Tooth Losing' which is apparently a competitive thing between them. The score is now 3-3. If I know Claire, she is going to go to some extreme length to lose one of her other teeth because she likes to one up her brother. So stay tuned. This could get interesting!!!

My Little Jokester

Matthew absolutely cracks me up. He is so in control of everything and has a plan in his head all the time! He listens to conversations when you don't even know he is there, he will get something for me if he hears me talking about it, and just likes play an active part in all of our lives. Well, tonight at dinner- Damien, Michael, Claire and I were telling knock knock jokes once we had finished eating. We were laughing and just having a good time when we heard Matthew say from his highchair, Knock Knock. Surprised that he wanted in on the joke telling we answered, Who's there? He said, Mommy. We said, Mommy Who? Then he answered, Mommy Lisa. We started absolutely cracking up! My little two year old came up with a joke all by himself and all of us thought it was so creative and funny! He didn't stop there either. Once he knew he had a captive audience, he also said these jokes:

Knock knock. Who's There? Daddy. Daddy Who? Daddy Damien.

Knock knock. Who's There? The Beast. The Beast Who? Beast bonjour, bonjour, bonjour.

Knock knock. Who's There? Baby. Baby Who? Baby Choo Choo.

Man, what a funny kid.

So Touched

I knew yesterday was going to be an emotional day for me- but what I wasn't ready for was the outpouring of support, love, and encouragement from my family and friends. The emails, the comments on my blog post, the phone calls, and the well wishes on facebook were so incredible and I thank each and every one of you who took time out of your day to let me know you were thinking about me. I appreciate every one of you who has taken the time to listen, to be of support and give me strength to get through this long emotional journey. Thank you, thank you. I feel truly blessed.

25 Weeks = Deep Breath

Today is a great day for me. The sun is shining, my sister Natalie is here, and I am 25 weeks in this pregnancy! I am so happy and so relieved and just so content. This is always my first huge goal. 25 weeks into Michael's pregnancy- I gave birth to Michael. Despite every effort and a week of total bedrest, we couldn't stop the labor and this ultimately led to his birth. When I reach this point in the pregnancy- I always think of Michael and I remember laying in bed shortly after giving birth to him and wishing I could have done more. Today I have that opportunity!

I went to the doctor today and got great news that my cervix is still 3.6 cm long. There has been little change over the last three weeks and at this point- every week I can pass without bedrest is a true gift!!! The baby measured 1 lb. 14 oz (Michael was 1 lb. 9 oz) and looked very healthy. Of course, it was hiding it's face and wrapped around the placenta- but it still looked cute. Natalie was able to be at the ultrasound with Damien, Matthew, and myself and we all enjoyed getting a glimpse of the baby. The only negative thing at the appointment was that I found out I failed my glucose screen (a test for gestational diabetes) last week and next Thursday, I have to go to the doctor's office for four straight hours for the bigger glucose screen. Really? Of course I had to fail this test! I have passed it in each of my other three pregnancies but had to fail it this time! I had to laugh it off. There is a first time for everything, right?

Last night as I lay with Michael before bed- I explained to him that in just eight short hours, I would've given birth to him in his pregnancy. He understands that the baby in my tummy is small and he doesn't want it to go through what he had to. He then paused and said to me, "Mom, I am sorry if it was my fault." I immediately got choked up and gave him a big hug and told him, "Michael- it wasn't your fault and it wasn't Mommy's fault either. It was just the way you were supposed to come into this world." He thought about it for a second and asked me, "Do you think God planned it this way because He knew I was strong enough?" "Yes, Michael", I whispered. "God knew you were a strong strong boy". The exchange we shared was so touching and so gut wrenchingly difficult for me. I hope he never wasted a second wondering if what happened to him- to us, was his fault. I was so happy we had such a great talk last night. I am glad that he was able to tell me how he felt about his miraculous 'birth day' and voice his concern about being at fault. After he thought about what we had just talked about, he told me he hopes the baby can stay in there for a long time so that he/she doesn't need to get shots like he did when he was a baby. I couldn't agree more.

Today in the ultrasound, I really looked at the baby. The arms, the legs, the sweet head and chest and knew just what he/she would look like on the outside. Perfectly formed and beautiful- but just really small. I speak for the few people who got to see Michael within the first few weeks of his birth when I say that seeing a baby so small and precious is breathtaking. It is so beautiful, so miraculous- but at the same time it is sad to see a baby who didn't get the chance to swim around and grow uninterrupted inside the safety of their Mommy's belly. This regret I have, the sorrow I felt for not being able to keep Michael in my tummy for just one more day or even one more hour- propels me to take it easy and give this baby a fighting chance.

Today is a wonderful day. I will try to not take for granted the seemingly unimportant days that will pass from here on out in this pregnancy. These days are days that would've taken away some of the pain and suffering that Michael had to endure. These are days that I would've seriously sacrificed anything for to have given Michael another day safe and warm in my body. Each day is an opportunity for this baby, for Michael's new little brother or sister, to grow into a bigger, healthier baby and how powerful it feels to be able to make a difference in this little one's life already. Happy 25 weeks baby!

Saint Joseph's Day

Yes, it is that time of year again. The annual 'Wearing of the Red' on St. Joseph's Day! My Dad and Michael share this special saint day as they both have the middle name of Joseph. Michael looks forward to this day year round and this year he wasn't disappointed. He came home from school and talked about how much they learned about St. Joseph and Michael got to tell the class that his Grandpa celebrates his saint day today!

Because I can't travel- we weren't able to fly up north for the big St. Joseph's Day bash my parents host. This year- some 200 people came out to celebrate the 'wearin' of the red' while making valuable donations that will be sent to Malawi, Africa. Michael and his beginnings help start this event and I couldn't be prouder of Michael and my Dad for how their common middle name is changing lives across the world.

There are a few traditions (aside from the spiritual ones) that my kids look forward to on their respective saint day. The first is that Grandpa gets them a special gift for them to enjoy and the second- is that they get to end the day with an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins! This year Grandpa gave Michael some new baseball cleats and a game for his Nintendo DS. I think it was a Club Penguin game but I wasn't sure because Michael tore into the package and I haven't seen much of him since! Thanks again Grandpa for finding a way to make my kids so happy while reminding them of the importance and relevance of their faith. We love you!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

In years past, I have put a lot more effort into St. Patrick's Day than I did this year. I did buy Claire a shirt in advance where she brilliantly suggested that I buy a shirt she could wear year round rather than a shirt that only worked on St. Patrick's Day. I knew Michael could pick from a handful of green shirts to wear. And Matthew- well, I didn't get him anything but luckily had a green hat around the house that made it look as though I put an ounce of effort into making him look festive! I am starting to battle myself a bit. Sometimes I want to go out and run a bunch of errands and get some things that I want, but then I need to be more rational and remember to take it easy and just get through this pregnancy. In an effort to multitask and to please my Irish husband- I went to the store to get items for Irish Soda Bread. Would you know they were out of caraway seeds and buttermilk! Opportunity lost because I knew I couldn't justify going to the store the next day to look for the items again! Maybe next year!


Damien got the kids ready for school and drove carpool in the morning in order to give me a little more time to rest because I had an appointment that morning to see my doctor. He did an awesome job making sure they all were dressed in their festive clothes and even did Claire's hair in pigtails with coordinating ribbons. I love that he can do this so well and make Claire look cute even when I am not there to do it. When I picked up carpool after Claire's school day- two of her friends said, "Your Dad did your hair like that? My Dad could never do that!" Claire responded, "Ya, my Dad is good at a lot of things!" It was really cute. I was excited to see Michael after school but also curious if he ate his lunch that day. As I was making lunches the night before St. Patrick's Day- Damien said I should put a little green food coloring in the cream cheese for Michael's bagel. I told him that if I did that- he wouldn't eat it. Apparently that morning, Damien prepped Michael about the festive green bagel and told him that it tastes exactly the same but just looks different. Well, when Michael got home from school- it was no shocker to see the barely touched bagel in his lunch box. He said it tasted moldy! That is the thing about Michael. He loves things that are predictable and when you surprise him and throw him a little off course- he is not comfortable. I must admit though- when I look at the picture of his bagel it makes me a little queasy.

That night during dinner, Claire said to Michael "Today is your day. You are SOOOO Irish!" Damien then said to Claire, "You are just as much as Irish as Michael." Claire responded, "No- I'm Italian and Michael is Irish." We tried to explain that no matter what they look like that they are made of the exact same things. We had a nice dinner (the kids wanted breakfast for dinner) and we tweaked the meal so that it was Irishy. Think green eggs, sausage, green banana pancakes, and cantaloupe. We had a nice night and I was happy I put aside some eggs and pancakes sans green coloring so that Michael would actually eat!

Michael Starts Little League

Michael has been waiting patiently to get his chance to play baseball. Last year, I was a little behind the times and missed the sign-up period. Well this year, I made certain that I would be one of the first people to sign up so that Michael could play! He was so excited to be drafted to the Pirates! His excitement grew even more when we went shopping to buy all the necessary gear for him to play. Let me first start off reminding you that I am from a family with five girls. There are definite accessory differences between boys and girls. I was a little taken aback when I was told that they wear athletic cups at this level. It never even crossed my mind! Just get a laugh picturing me maneuvering my way through Sports Authority looking for this. Eventually- I asked for help because seriously- I had no clue!

When I think back to my childhood- I have so many wonderful memories of playing softball as a little girl. I started playing in Kindergarten and think I finally hung up my cleats after seventh grade. I have so many memories with my Dad that involve throwing the ball around in the backyard, having him hit grounders to me (or rather at me), playing around at the ballpark all day with my sisters (there were three of us playing at one time so chances were we were going to be at the park for a long time), and just developing a real love for the game. This Saturday, Michael had opening ceremonies for Willow Glen Little League. It was a lot of fun and I loved every minute of it. They assembled all the teams in the outfield and then one by one the teams were announced and got to run around the bases. They were playing some great music and while Michael's team was announced- they were playing the song, Put Me In Coach. I don't know if it was just me being emotional or if it is the pregnancy, but I totally started tearing up at the vision of my sweet Michael all dressed up running the bases. It woke me up and made me realize, Wow! Here we are. Here I am! I have a child that is at this awesome stage in life where they get to play Little League and enjoy being a kid to the fullest. I put my sunglasses on so I didn't look like the giant sap that I was and enjoyed watching all these kids have their moment.

Michael had his first game and we couldn't have been more excited for him. In his league- the ball is machine pitched which takes a little getting used to. The speed of the pitch in combination with difficult hand/eye coordination are all things that take a little getting used to. On Michael's first time up- he made contact with the ball a few times- but they were all foul. They get seven pitches to work with so he went to the dugout without a true hit. The second time he was up, he took a few great swings, but no hit. Then he hit the ball and you could see the excitement running through his veins as he touched first and rounded for second only to realize when he got there- that one of his teammates was still there. So he hurried and ran back to first and was safe! His teammates did great and hit him home and he was thrilled to experience scoring a run for the first time! He had a great game and you could just see the confidence he gained by the end of the game. He fielded ground balls, caught a few balls, and got a hit. I was so happy that he had a positive first experience. By the end of the game, my heart had swelled with pride from watching Michael play. I can't wait for the rest of the season and to see him get to know the game better and hopefully develop a real love for it.

From the Mouth of Claire

Hi Everyone! This is Claire. I am so excited that I don't have school tomorrow. I wish we could go to Disneyland but my Mom and Dad said not until the baby is born. I wish I could go on all the rides. My favorite ride is Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland. In Disneyland I like the world's biggest lollipop. I am so excited for my Mom to have a baby. I wish I could have a girl baby. I've never had a sister before. But if I have a boy baby- it will still be okay. I wish we could have the baby in ten weeks. I know it is okay to have a baby boy because I saw my baby brother Matthew when he was born and he looked so cute so I know it is going to be okay. But if it is a girl, I will play with her and it would be a lot of fun to do her hair and play dress up with her. It will be a lot of fun no matter what! I am in gymnastics now. The first time I did it- it was really fun. Every Monday I do it. I like doing somersaults, cartwheels, donkey kicks, swinging on the rings, climbing up ropes- it is a lot of fun. Sometimes I have the same teachers at gymnastics. I really really like it. In school- I like coloring rainbows, flowers, and hearts. I like being six years old. The End.

Just like Michael a few weeks back- Claire wanted to blog today. I love how she just says what she is feeling. Too cute.

23 Weeks

Just a quick update to let you know how things are going. Last week at 22 weeks, my cervix had shorted a bit to 3.3 cm (down from 3.9 cm). The doctor told me I really needed to start taking it easy and do one hour or bedrest in the morning and one in the afternoon. Well, this week- my cervix actually gained a little bit of length due to my resting and I am back at 3.5 cm. I am still doing the light bedrest but it is no big deal at all. We were finally able to get a decent (albeit quick) glance at the baby's face. It's been two straight weeks where we haven't been able to see the face because the baby was head down and burrowing into the cervix. The baby flipped around this week and is temporarily breech but still pressed it's face into the side of the uterus. We were able to rule out facial abnormalities and now just need to hope that the baby cooperates next week so we can see the profile (the last thing to complete the physical ultrasound started at 21 weeks). I am feeling good and gradually inching along to my first big goal of 25 weeks. Just a quick little post to let you know we are doing great and feeling the same!!!

Beyond Sick

There is nothing more frightening to me than suspecting that one of my kids is sick. My thought process usually works like this. I have a little hot flash imagining having to take care of my child and then start major hot flashes when I think of all of them getting sick at the same time. Then I usually try and think about what kind of virus we are dealing with. The thoughts of vomiting, diarrhea, sore throat, and no sleep stream through my brain and then I always think to myself, 'Do I have enough Tylenol and Motrin?' Once the hot flashes are gone, I try and really evaluate what we are dealing with. This involves announcing to the whole house that 'We are on Operation No Sharing!!!' and I usually quarantine the sick child on the couch. Of course I have this little pipe dream that maybe we won't all get sick. 'Maybe because I acted so quickly we will minimize the damage of this nasty little virus'. Then the image of my now sick child sharing his/her apple with Matthew earlier in the day sets in and I know that we are screwed. Better hunker down and prepare for the misery ahead!

No one likes to be sick and even worse- no one likes it when one or more of your kids are sick at the same time. These negative and overwhelming thoughts can pour through your head but the only thing that makes it better is weathering the storm (and a bowl of ice cream before bed). Michael had had a sore throat for a few days and soon Claire did too. Then- that same day I got a strep throat notice from his school so I was convinced they both had it. They couldn't eat- couldn't sleep. Basically- they were miserable. I medicated them as much as I could and really tried to make them comfortable. Claire started barfing but luckily she is the most controlled barfer I know and made it in the garbage can I set next to her bed. OF COURSE- they both really got sick on a Friday night which is just lovely because the pediatrician's office is closed. I did manage to get them both in on Sunday morning for a strep culture that ultimately showed up as negative. I guess the virus going around is one that mirrors strep but isn't strep. Monday morning, Michael screamed in pain that his ear was popping off his head. I took him in Monday and sure enough- he had an ear infection. They both stayed home from school until Wednesday and I was close to being at my wit's end.

Later that week, (when Damien was in Chicago for three days of work) I noticed drainage from Michael's ear that was NOT normal. I will spare you the details but I knew for a fact that he had ruptured his eardrum (he ruptured his eardrum two years ago and it looked the same) . I waited a few days because I knew he was on antibiotics but it just kept getting worse. I made him an appointment on Friday and sure enough- his eardrum was all kinds of yucky. I had to throw away the old antibiotics and get a new one and wouldn't you know that he had an allergic reaction to it? Damien flew in on Friday night and as he walked in the door at 10:30 p.m. I pushed him back out of it and told him to go to the store to get Benadryl fast. Michael was struggling and we almost had to take him into the ER because we couldn't control the negative side effects of the meds. To make a long story even longer- we eventually had to give up the oral antibiotics and instead opt for a major dose of antibiotics via shots in Michael's thighs. Ouch! It did the trick and thankfully- I was able to send Michael to school on Wednesday making this the second week in a row he missed two days of school!

I then made the biggest mistake ever and proclaimed our house 'Illness Free' which of course only jinxed me further as Matthew started to fever one day later (which lasted for three miserable and sleepless nights). Seriously. I thought I was going to go nuts! Oh, yeah. And I am pregnant and trying to take it easy. This was no easy streak of illness to get over. By the end, Damien and I were spent. Sometimes I think I am crazy to worry so much when I detect illness in one of my kids. Then I remember miserable viruses like this one and remember why I am so crazy about it.

I am going to go out on a limb here and declare our house healthy. Did I again jinx myself? I guess we'll all just have to wait and see!

My Little Big Man

This picture was taken back in 2005 when Michael was 4 and Claire was 3. I remember never being able about to think of Michael and Claire without each other. It was almost as if they came together in a package and just couldn't be separated. Because they are so close in age, they hung out together all day and really didn't know life without the other. Trying to think into the future was difficult for me back then because I knew that they would have to separate and the idea of that was a lot for me to handle.

Kids are resilient and while we had many days where Claire missed Michael when he was in preschool, they eventually got used to being apart for a few hours every day. They have adjusted nicely to the separation and have made the adjustment every time one of them starts a new routine (i.e. preschool, kindergarten, first grade).

The sight of the two of them together still tickles me to this day. While they do argue and bug the heck out out of each other at times, they are truly connected in their hearts and need each other. I am writing about their relationship because the today they had the sweetest little exchange I have seen in a long time.

It was a typical school morning as we pulled into the school parking lot for drop off. Because I am trying to take it easy and not do anything that I don't have to do- I thought maybe Michael could walk Claire into Kindergarten. The school parking lot is set up in a way where you can only walk in certain areas and one of the rules is that Kindergartners need to be walked into the Kindergarten courtyard by an adult or a sibling. Michael took his new challenge very seriously and told me he would take care of it. Both Michael and Claire left the car and instead of walking in front of her (like he always does) Michael walked beside her and made conversation. As I watched the two of them walk away from me- I had one of those moments where I knew I did well for them. I taught them to love each other and it brought me great satisfaction to see them interacting this way. I watched Michael walk Claire through both crosswalks and in an instant, they both disappeared from my view into the Kindergarten courtyard. I craned my neck for a while to see if I could see Michael come out from the courtyard but after a few minutes, I left for home.

When Claire got home from school today- I could hardly wait to hear how things went in the morning. I think I felt a little guilty that I didn't walk her in myself so I wanted to make sure she was okay with how things went. My instructions to Michael were to walk her in, take her to the bench, and then say goodbye. Well, Claire told me that's not how things went. Michael did walk Claire in and did walk her to the bench. What he didn't do was leave. Instead, he stood with all the Moms and Dads on the side of the courtyard for about five minutes and waited for Claire's teachers to come out and ring the bell for class to start. My heart melted. She told me he waved goodbye to her and then headed to first grade. I was blown away by Michael's devotion to Claire. I loved the confidence he had to stand with all the Moms and Dads and wait (and I am sure he waited with his hands in his pockets as he always does when he is feeling grown up or cool). I love that without being asked, he knew the right thing to do for Claire (and for my heart). This expression of love, the very thing that binds these two beautiful siblings- was so clear and true this morning. I gushed to him when he got home from school about how proud I was of him. I also let him off the hook and told him that when he helps me drop off Claire in the Kindergarten courtyard- he really truly could just walk her to the bench and leave. Whether he will do this in the future or not is not for certain. But what is certain is that Michael loves his little sister Claire and I look forward to seeing these two as they grow older together. My little babies . . .

Cute Matthew-isms

Matthew is really cracking us up lately! I have to write a few of these down before I forget them because they are so funny!

1. Matthew calls himself Mah-Mah. However, he also calls himself Math-me. He says this because Damien said say Math-you and in his typical fashion, Matthew turned the tables and said Math-me!

2. If I ask Matthew how much he loves me, he stretches his arms out as far as they will go and says, "Big much!" I love this!

3. Lately, I have been telling Matthew he needs a haircut. He then called his hair fuzzy and reminds me he needs a haircut by saying, "Cut, cut, cut, cut . . ." really fast while pretending to cut his hair. Which reminds me, I should really make sure the scissors are out of his reach. None of my kids have cut their own hair yet and I don't want to start now!

4. If Matthew wants to watch a TV show, he will just ask me, "Mom, show?" But if he wants to watch a movie he will ask me, "Mom, big show?" Pretty creative I think!

5. Matthew has been going poop on the toilet for about six months now. At first he would tell me, "Poop!" and I would take him. But over the past few months- he will run up to me and yell "Poop Bad!" I love the urgency and it certainly gets me moving quickly to get him to the toilet.

6. Matthew has picked up some of my bad snacking habits. One of them is eating Wheat Thins with a little bit of onion and chive cream cheese on top. (Don't knock it until you've tried it!) He is so funny and won't eat the cracker without it. One day, he suckered Damien into getting him the crackers from the pantry and then Matthew proceeded to open the refrigerator and get out the cream cheese and handed it to Damien saying, "On cracker."

7. Matthew loves shoes. He rarely walks around the house barefoot. I am sure this will change in the springtime, but he loves wearing shoes! Any shoes. Tennis shoes, slippers, dress shoes- it doesn't matter. Oh, and he also knows who gave him all the shoes he has. If he puts on his tennis shoes, he will say "Nonna shoes". If he puts on his slippers, he says "Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas" to signify Santa gave them to him.

8. If my shirt isn't fully covering my ever growing belly- Matthew will come over and pull my shirt down saying, "Close Baby!"

I could go on but these are just the funny things about Matthew that are in my mind right now. Funny funny, Matthew.